And then there were four...

A bit of background on my system. There are five of us: Me, Sonseearae who is six and has an alter of her own – his name is Micah and he's two years old, Lori a slider who is thirteen or fourteen depending on the day, and a man who chooses to remain nameless. I am co-conscious with all except Micah, though Sonseearae can channel him fairly well. He doesn't speak per se, but I can sense his wants and needs well with her help. One last piece of information: I am dead set against integration.

So last night Sonseearae is channeling Micah and I sense his desire to integrate with Sonseearae. I was not at all happy with the idea and looked to Sonseearae. She's leaving it up to me. Here's the thing: I love everyone in the system, I truly do – but I don't like him. He's needy, whiny, selfish...you know, kind of like a two year old so I accept it, but I don't much like it – or him.

Here's the other part of the equation: Despite her age, Sonseearae has been my best friend for twenty-five years. If she integrates with him, she's going to change and I'm going to lose my best friend. She won't tell me what she wants because she doesn't want to influence my decision but I know her well enough to know that she's got to at least be okay with it or she'd say something.

I don't know how I can say 'no' but I am really disturbed over the idea of her changing by absorbing his 'personality'. Anyway, I'm not sure what the point of this post is but it's completely overwhelming me at the moment.

Oh. Yes. Hugs.
Have you talked to Soneseearae about how your concerns specifically? How does she respond?

She is the most intuitive person I know and I've never known her to be wrong but all too frequently she'll...hmm, how do I explain this... ah!

Have you ever seen a movie where the Zen master answers the young apprentice monk with an apparently completely nonsensical answer that does not even begin to answer the question...but by the end of the movie you see how his answer was absolutely perfect? She talks like that a lot. So, when she does, and I'm pulling my hair out, I'll ask her to elaborate and she'll say...

"Sorry, need to know basis."

Look, I know she's six but the kid has the ear of God or something, and sometimes she simply knows that I have to work it out for myself. This is one of those times. I get to ask others, but she's not going to give me the answer. I know, unequivocally, that she only has my best interests in mind and wouldn't leave me hanging unless it was for my own good - as in, the journey to the answer is more important than the answer. It used to piss me off, but I trust her implicitly now. It doesn't mean I always like the journey.

It sounds like many, many years of being six have wizened her beyond her time.

So I hear you say she is like your best friend and you could not stand for her to be different or changed.
I hear you say he is a part that split off from her.
You love him ( because you love all of them ) but you do not like him.
You cannot stand his whining, neediness or selfishness.
You love Sonseearae just as she is.

Hey, are you saying I'm old? Just kidding. Yeah, as she is found of pointing out, "I'm am six, but I have forty-six years experience!"

Pretty much. I don't have 'outside' friends. She was the first I became co-conscious with and we traveled down this very long road from trying to kill each other to trying to live for each other. Certainly we've both changed over the years but it's been gradual and we've had time to adjust.

Yup. I get the academic aspect of this, so it is part of her as she is part of me...but it doesn't feel that way. My perception of my reality doesn't jive with the science.

nods... and I like her too.