because I'm...

"not stable enough"

that hurts right now- I do understand where they are coming from, I do. a lot of the members in the group want to get better and want to live their lives..... me not so much.

but it hurts and it spoiled an okayish evening

Well that screws me out.

Humor is my way of coping.

Getting kicked out is like....an honor. It says....thank you for saving me from quitting your pos mamby pamby self-centered boohoo clueless group. Good luck too ya, you dirigibles.

How can I join? This sounds like fun.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

because I'm...

"not stable enough"

that hurts right now- I do understand where they are coming from, I do. a lot of the members in the group want to get better and want to live their lives..... me not so much.

but it hurts and it spoiled an okayish evening

I have been kicked out of DID groups for being too mentally ill and have been kicked out for being too healed. I have been kicked out of groups because of my profession and kicked out of groups for not posting from my profession.. I have been kicked out of groups for using laymans term and kicked out of groups for using politically correct, mentally and physically correct phrases and terms, i have even gotten kicked out of groups for using the same wording and phrasing as others in the group were using rather than my own list of vocabulary words....LMAO

what I learned is you just cant win or please everyone when online, all you can do is be yourself and if others dont accept you for how ever who ever you are its their loss.

one thing that I do first thing when in any kind of groups is find out what their equivalent of the ignore feature is and their pm system is. (even emails have a way to block, and choose who you have contact with)

this way I can continue being who and what I am and those who do not like me, my posts and such can place me on their blocking/ ignoring. if they have told me they find my posts to be offending in some way such as too professional, not professional enough , too politically correct, not politically correct enough, too cold and uncaring, too warm and caring .... you get the idea....if they even though they find something wrong with me and my posts, emails and such and they wish to continue, i place them on my ignore/ blocking... this way their problem doesnt become my problem.

I also feel out those who are like me and my problems and take them to less active avenues so that my problems do not interfere or cause others not like me, not at my stage of healing and such to have more problems...I post to help other publicly and get my own support with select members privately.

doing things this way has helped limit how many times I get booted from an online group.

maybe you can find another online emailing group and do things like that. select those that are on the same healing path that you are and are at your same healing level. when you do find those people focus your gaining support for you on those people and offer general support for others that are not where you are at.

AC2, I can't help thinking that somewhere in that post of yours their's an elament of truth. thanks for posting.

as for your other question, if I'm being honest, you may want to talk it over with the others first

if you're still interested, let me know

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

So sorry, raging. That must have been really upsetting.

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

So sorry, raging. That must have been really upsetting.

I think the saddest thing about it was thinking I was so close to the owner (me and her talked a hell of a lot)

then for her to just... do that

sheesh

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I think the saddest thing about it was thinking I was so close to the owner (me and her talked a hell of a lot)

then for her to just... do that

sheesh

Oh no. That makes it worse!

I wasn't allowed to join a therapy group once because I was deemed 'too much'. It was very upsetting.

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I think the saddest thing about it was thinking I was so close to the owner (me and her talked a hell of a lot)

then for her to just... do that

sheesh

Yeah, that’s so bad and so wrong. Sorry about that..people can and do suuck at times.

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Oh no. That makes it worse!

I wasn't allowed to join a therapy group once because I was deemed 'too much'. It was very upsetting.

" too much"?

tragic. you need to wonder why some of these owners get their rules from

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I think the saddest thing about it was thinking I was so close to the owner (me and her talked a hell of a lot)

then for her to just... do that

sheesh

Oh no! That’s very hurtful grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Oh no. That makes it worse!

I wasn't allowed to join a therapy group once because I was deemed 'too much'. It was very upsetting.

a bit confused here...

too much what....

you needed too much support and help then they could give you?
you were too much more healed then the others so they felt you were not a good fit for the group?

too much posting/ emailing where it wasnt giving others the chance to get their support needs met?

too much what? did they google your user name or real name or ip address and find out you were doing too much of something on another site....

Im just throwing out ideas of where my head is going based on what little detail you gave us.

what was the too much they felt you were being or doing? what was the too much of what that kept you out of the group...

maybe there are other groups better suited for what ever it is..

[Betty_Banana]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I think the saddest thing about it was thinking I was so close to the owner (me and her talked a hell of a lot)

then for her to just... do that

sheesh

Ouch.Sorry that happened to you.That has to hurt.Were you at least given a warning first or anything?

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

a bit confused here...

too much what....

you needed too much support and help then they could give you?
you were too much more healed then the others so they felt you were not a good fit for the group?

too much posting/ emailing where it wasnt giving others the chance to get their support needs met?

too much what? did they google your user name or real name or ip address and find out you were doing too much of something on another site....

Im just throwing out ideas of where my head is going based on what little detail you gave us.

what was the too much they felt you were being or doing? what was the too much of what that kept you out of the group...

maybe there are other groups better suited for what ever it is..

Thanks for trying to help me find a better group for this mysterious 'it'. This was years ago. My first experience of therapy, in fact. But the phrases used by the medics stung so hard, I will never forget them.

One essential factor for people like me is that asking for help is really hard.

I had a violent father. He would lose control, and do things that almost killed us. Everyone was scared of him. In my whole life, I never saw one person stand up to him.

We grew up on a high rise block of flats, and I remember always having it at the back of my mind that, one day, he might lose his temper and throw one of us off!

We had to act 'normal' at all times. But, as soon as our front door closed, it was chaos and horror.

I remember once, I had a scooter; the kind you have before you're old enough for a bike. I was maybe five or six? I was riding it on the landings outside our flat, and lost control. Somehow, I ended up crashing into the glass panel beside our front door. It smashed to pieces. I was face down, covered in broken glass. My brother came running after me, white as a sheet. It was shocking and scary, going headfirst through a window. Anyway, the point is that I didn't cry. I just froze. My brother and I stared at each other, both thinking the same thing as our father charged out to see what had happened.

He's going to kill us.

I'd had a serious accident. I was hurt. And that's all I could think about.

This is a very long-winded way of saying that shame and secrecy were a huge part of our lives.

I escaped by winning a place at university, and leaving town.

Unfortunately, I couldn't so easily leave behind that state of mind and during the end of my first year, became anxious and depressed.

I couldn't trust anyone. Never felt safe. Had absolutely no idea how to express or even feel my own emotions, having been an adapted child for so long.

Although I genuinely did see myself as a 'survivor' - determined to leave the fear and humiliation behind and have a life of my own - suicidal thoughts started to appear.

I wasn't sure what to do, and found myself in a GP's surgery. They referred me to a therapy clinic that was supposed to be good with young people / students.

Unfortunately, the therapist I saw was not good. I've seen good ones since, and looking back, I cannot believe how ineffective she was. Many of her phrases are still in my mind (I've mentioned her before here on PC). She told me I had to develop a thicker skin. She was always saying some variation on, 'I'm not your mum.' Pretty heartless considering I had revealed to her some of the secrets in my past.

I started cancelling appointments. Therapy was making me much worse. I was already close to the edge, and her insensitive comments, well I was terrified they would push me over.

Imagine how most people feel if someone says they've put on weight, or their skin looks spotty, or something. That's what I mean by insensitive. That's the kind of observation she would make.

I dragged myself there one session.

At the end, I couldn't get out of the chair.

I was scared that, if I left that building, I would not make it home.

The therapist did not respond well!

To cut a long story short, I sat in the waiting-room for hours and hours. It was clear to me that a one-hour weekly appointment with this clumsy and cold person was not even touching my pain.

Finally, another therapist came along. He told me they had a therapy group at the clinic. Young people, like me, with a wide range of issues.

Hope!

We talked a little longer. I was crying, I'm sure, out of gratitude and relief.

He withdrew the offer.

It is unbelievable, but true.

'I don't think you'd be right for the group.'

What???

I felt so humiliated.

He said, 'I think you might be....too much.'

It was the crying, maybe, but also the seriousness of the things my father had done.(Well, I can only guess at what was going through his mind. I wasn't out of control, or anything).

They sent me home.

I've written here before about that journey. It was along a busy road, and I came extremely close to jumping under a lorry!)

Wow. I didn't mean this to be so long and detailed.

Purple. Violet.Blue- almost the same thing happened to me. But it was a group of depression and grief. I had many many violent, scary, or odd deaths in my life that cause me huge grief. But then during the interview the offer was withdrawn because I got upset telling only a very very little of why i was there. and they didnt think i was a good fit, especially because i have DID.
people can be such jerks.

[Fuzzybear]

purple

This is so sad...how some of the “professionals” in this forest harm those of us who have already been harmed by abuse in the family of origin

My father wasn’t as physically violent as yours was (mostly words etc) but I didn’t cry at age 5 when something horrible and scary happened (I’d already “learnt” not to express ..) And I completely relate to

“The phrases used by the medics stung so hard, I will never forget them”

It is unbelievable, apparently, to some, how appalling too many therapists are in this forest. I have never exaggerated, and haven’t even ever said half of what they did to me but there’s always some smart *** who doesn’t believe us

I tell the medics nothing now

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Thanks for trying to help me find a better group for this mysterious 'it'. This was years ago. My first experience of therapy, in fact. But the phrases used by the medics stung so hard, I will never forget them.

One essential factor for people like me is that asking for help is really hard.

I had a violent father. He would lose control, and do things that almost killed us. Everyone was scared of him. In my whole life, I never saw one person stand up to him.

We grew up on a high rise block of flats, and I remember always having it at the back of my mind that, one day, he might lose his temper and throw one of us off!

We had to act 'normal' at all times. But, as soon as our front door closed, it was chaos and horror.

I remember once, I had a scooter; the kind you have before you're old enough for a bike. I was maybe five or six? I was riding it on the landings outside our flat, and lost control. Somehow, I ended up crashing into the glass panel beside our front door. It smashed to pieces. I was face down, covered in broken glass. My brother came running after me, white as a sheet. It was shocking and scary, going headfirst through a window. Anyway, the point is that I didn't cry. I just froze. My brother and I stared at each other, both thinking the same thing as our father charged out to see what had happened.

He's going to kill us.

I'd had a serious accident. I was hurt. And that's all I could think about.

This is a very long-winded way of saying that shame and secrecy were a huge part of our lives.

I escaped by winning a place at university, and leaving town.

Unfortunately, I couldn't so easily leave behind that state of mind and during the end of my first year, became anxious and depressed.

I couldn't trust anyone. Never felt safe. Had absolutely no idea how to express or even feel my own emotions, having been an adapted child for so long.

Although I genuinely did see myself as a 'survivor' - determined to leave the fear and humiliation behind and have a life of my own - suicidal thoughts started to appear.

I wasn't sure what to do, and found myself in a GP's surgery. They referred me to a therapy clinic that was supposed to be good with young people / students.

Unfortunately, the therapist I saw was not good. I've seen good ones since, and looking back, I cannot believe how ineffective she was. Many of her phrases are still in my mind (I've mentioned her before here on PC). She told me I had to develop a thicker skin. She was always saying some variation on, 'I'm not your mum.' Pretty heartless considering I had revealed to her some of the secrets in my past.

I started cancelling appointments. Therapy was making me much worse. I was already close to the edge, and her insensitive comments, well I was terrified they would push me over.

Imagine how most people feel if someone says they've put on weight, or their skin looks spotty, or something. That's what I mean by insensitive. That's the kind of observation she would make.

I dragged myself there one session.

At the end, I couldn't get out of the chair.

I was scared that, if I left that building, I would not make it home.

The therapist did not respond well!

To cut a long story short, I sat in the waiting-room for hours and hours. It was clear to me that a one-hour weekly appointment with this clumsy and cold person was not even touching my pain.

Finally, another therapist came along. He told me they had a therapy group at the clinic. Young people, like me, with a wide range of issues.

Hope!

We talked a little longer. I was crying, I'm sure, out of gratitude and relief.

He withdrew the offer.

It is unbelievable, but true.

'I don't think you'd be right for the group.'

What???

I felt so humiliated.

He said, 'I think you might be....too much.'

It was the crying, maybe, but also the seriousness of the things my father had done.(Well, I can only guess at what was going through his mind. I wasn't out of control, or anything).

They sent me home.

I've written here before about that journey. It was along a busy road, and I came extremely close to jumping under a lorry!)

Wow. I didn't mean this to be so long and detailed.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

Purple. Violet.Blue- almost the same thing happened to me. But it was a group of depression and grief. I had many many violent, scary, or odd deaths in my life that cause me huge grief. But then during the interview the offer was withdrawn because I got upset telling only a very very little of why i was there. and they didnt think i was a good fit, especially because i have DID.
people can be such jerks.

Oh no. I'm so sorry. That must have felt awful. Especially if you were talking about people you loved! Big hugs.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

" too much"?

tragic. you need to wonder why some of these owners get their rules from

Yes. Rules!
Honestly, some of these people... That woman I saw when I was a student... Well, i could have stopped a random stranger on the street and received better advice about mental health. And more kindness!
(Sorry to the many good ones.)
Hope you're feeling a bit better about it, raging.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

purple

This is so sad...how some of the “professionals” in this forest harm those of us who have already been harmed by abuse in the family of origin

My father wasn’t as physically violent as yours was (mostly words etc) but I didn’t cry at age 5 when something horrible and scary happened (I’d already “learnt” not to express ..) And I completely relate to

“The phrases used by the medics stung so hard, I will never forget them”

It is unbelievable, apparently, to some, how appalling too many therapists are in this forest. I have never exaggerated, and haven’t even ever said half of what they did to me but there’s always some smart *** who doesn’t believe us

I tell the medics nothing now

Thanks, dear Fuzzy.
You have more heart and decency in your little finger than that therapist I saw had in her whole body.
You've been through it more than once. That's really tough.
The experience I related here put me off therapy for a long time.
Ah, it's ever so sad to think of you so shut down at the age of five.
Much love, dear friend

I just emailed the owner about it.

feel better about it now..

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I just emailed the owner about it.

feel better about it now..

That's brilliant!

I'm so glad being open about it has given you a bit of ease.

Why keep it to yourself? You did nothing wrong.

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

That's brilliant!

I'm so glad being open about it has given you a bit of ease.

Why keep it to yourself? You did nothing wrong.

I think it will be interesting to see what (if anything) she replies with.

I didn't lay it in to her and make it sound angry, but I think I did a good job of explaining and making her aware of how I felt

thought i'd post one final update:

she did reply and said that she just doesn't think I'm stable enough for the group

and that's fine, I guess. surprisingly I've not missed it or the owner

even deleted the owner's address from my contacts today to show I'm not going to take it further