Waking up this morning from our mother retrieval expedition yesterday....it’s more obvious of the conflict in thoughts from everyone with differing opinion, more than usual because this IS life changing.

It’s hard living this way with purpose, loads of doubt, fears, excitement, positivity, negativity: all at once in most everything one does. It mixes in a twisted way and I swear our chest aches when the differing emotions and feelings get strong and intense.

I don’t know what to do about it... a constant battle in mind and spirit over almost every single event, situation, decision, purpose, desires....

A lot of times we just do nothing, or after something is done...once again here comes a wave of pride, resentment, horror, shock, happiness, grief, excitement....

I swear that we are going to die with a heart attack- the strain and stress over mixed emotions, feelings, ideas and thoughts are too much at times from a diversity of personalities...

We negotiate often, let some simmer and stew, ignore the ridiculous, compromise, comfort the hurting...

What else can one do with a group of strong willed individuals?

Thoughts and experiences?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Waking up this morning from our mother retrieval expedition yesterday....it’s more obvious of the conflict in thoughts from everyone with differing opinion, more than usual because this IS life changing.

It’s hard living this way with purpose, loads of doubt, fears, excitement, positivity, negativity: all at once in most everything one does. It mixes in a twisted way and I swear our chest aches when the differing emotions and feelings get strong and intense.

I don’t know what to do about it... a constant battle in mind and spirit over almost every single event, situation, decision, purpose, desires....

A lot of times we just do nothing, or after something is done...once again here comes a wave of pride, resentment, horror, shock, happiness, grief, excitement....

I swear that we are going to die with a heart attack- the strain and stress over mixed emotions, feelings, ideas and thoughts are too much at times from a diversity of personalities...

We negotiate often, let some simmer and stew, ignore the ridiculous, compromise, comfort the hurting...

What else can one do with a group of strong willed individuals?

Thoughts and experiences?

what else can one do? trust that it will work itself out. thats what I did. like my treatment provider told me everything that was happening after diagnosis was the same stuff that was happening all my life. somehow since the very first alter creation my system had been working, doing their sense of agency, which enabled my survival and continue on with life in what ever ways and hows my life was. from before I was 5yrs old to when we all became one whole personality again, they were there doing their sense of agency. thats what they were there for.if they could manage and do whats needed to be done for 20 plus years they would continue to do so. if they could work out their differences, battles, conflicts of mind for 20 plus years before I was diagnosed they would continue to do so. the only difference was my own perception , after diagnosis I knew they existed, so of course I wanted to but in there and try and fix every thing when in reality they were doing what they were created for, what they were supposed to be doing, what their sense of agency was. All I had to do was trust the reality that they know what they need to do when and to focus instead what I did have control over, like I have all my life.

you ask what else you can do.... trust that they are there for a reason, they did what was needed in order for everyone's survival, they have been managing everything , their sense of agency for how ever many years its been since the very first alters creation. they will continue to do so until they all become one whole personality again as you become stronger and more able to do things on your own.

[dlantern]

Allow it play out and ask is it really the intregrated! I think when you acknowledge and accept what is the new normal safely then you can understand what wholeness might be like. Not to be invalidated rushed or looked down upon either, because it can be dangerous.

[Amyjay]

Do you think like you are experiencing lots of different internal reactions to the new life arrangement with your mom there? It would completely freak me and my system out. We would be shoved over into the chaos of utterly not-coping land. I can't imagine the noise you must have within at the moment as the new realization sinks in for everyone. Is there a way for everyone to be heard?

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Do you think like you are experiencing lots of different internal reactions to the new life arrangement with your mom there? It would completely freak me and my system out. We would be shoved over into the chaos of utterly not-coping land. I can't imagine the noise you must have within at the moment as the new realization sinks in for everyone. Is there a way for everyone to be heard?

I don’t know what the big commotion is about other than change. We fear change...it’s a great mystery to us....what would life be like, how would we handle it as a collective...

I’m not bothered about it, but I do think the biggest part of all this is just for jealous and selfish reasons.

Some now fear that they can’t be themselves in our own home which I call gibberish which hasn’t stopped us before. It actually feels more homey now, not just us and the four walls.

We just need time to feel it out and readjust. Work stays the same, so we have that.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I’m not bothered about it, but I do think the biggest part of all this is just for jealous and selfish reasons.

Some now fear that they can’t be themselves in our own home which I call gibberish which hasn’t stopped us before. It actually feels more homey now, not just us and the four walls.

Maybe it is also about having(or not having) a sense of safety and acceptance?

I don’t get what this thread is about. Mom is here, that’s a fact. Deal with it.

[dlantern]

Maybe today the best front will be just for that. Basically there is enough to get past conversation where that is needed so you don't feel so stuck...