do you ever tell people they are triggering you?

do you ever tell people they are triggering you.

it may seem a strange question, but a valid one- do you tell people don't talk about that, it triggers me, or do you just don't tell them?

I was put in this situation today actually.

someone I was with started talking about something that happened to someone else, and that thing that happened to someone else, also happens to be something that triggered me a few months back (their were other reasons as well, but that was the main one)

anyway I went all quiet and she asked me if I was okay and I'm like yes of course, and she's like.. I hope I didn't trigger you, and I'm like no... no, of course not- you're fine

difficult sometimes as I honestly feel I need to tell them

what do you do

For me it depends on who it is and what my relationship is with that person.

There are really only 2 people that I would feel ok enough to be that honest with. With them, if they are talking about something or acting in a way that is triggering me, I will let them know. Sometimes they listen and sometimes they think it doesn’t matter and keep going.

With other people, it triggers me and I usually shift and become a passenger. After that happens I try to get myself away from them.

I dont. I handle my triggers on my own, I dont feel that its anyone else’s responsibility to handle or censor themselves.

I never have done. It can be very mean, imo, to straight out say something like “you - ex friend for example - trigger me”.... but I think it’s “ok” to tell someone if a particular topic is triggering to you. In fact, imo, it’s a good skill to have if you value your friends as this might come up at some point. It’s much “better” not to “leave it” sometimes ... if it’s a good friend they will probably understand. As you probably know, using “I” statements is much kinder and gentler than .. people who use “you” statements when talking about something difficult tend to be a red flag for me as most are intelligent enough to know this is sub optimal. But of course it does depend on the individual and the situation.

Oh I remember now, I did once tell a friend when she was saying something very triggering. She was ok with that and said she wouldn’t talk about it again. We stayed good friends. She has passed away now though (she was quite a bit older than me )

This post isn’t quite what I was wanting to say but hope it makes some sense. I don’t have time to edit it and don’t want to delete it.

Only with those that I’m comfortable with....more of a warning though.

Do NOT awaken the HULK!

yes I do. I dont use the word "trigger" around here people in general do not use terms like "trigger, dissociating, and other psychologically correct terms" unless they are in therapy or are a treatment provider.

instead of saying to someone, your triggering me, here the language is more normal and less professional.... hey you made me mad, that makes me angry, I dont want to talk about that any more. here people just dont go around saying hey you are triggering me.. you can always tell when someone around here is in therapy or are a treatment provider by the words they use, and those that are in therapy dont usually want others to know so they dont use the psych terms.

Examples of triggers and what I do...

when someone is making me angry I tell them.... what you just said makes me angry, what you just did makes me angry.

when someone is making me feel good I tell them..... thank you for making me feel better, thank you for brightening my day, that feels good what you just did.

when I am excited I tell the person I am with... I am excited to see you, I am excited to do this with you. I am so excited about what you just told me.

My point is the word trigger is just another word for something in our daily lives that caused us to feeling very intense emotions both good and bad.

in every day life human beings naturally tell others what they are feeling.

even if its just saying....mmmmm this food tastes sooo goood (which shows a person was feeling satisfied and happy.) or telling someone that they are sooo tired they cant keep their eyes open, or they are soo hungry they could eat a horse...

I bet if anyone goes back and rereads their past posts they will find many situations where they were "triggered" and told someone about it. Heck when I reread posts I do find many times where members have told me how my posts have made them feel triggered (made them feel good or bad or what ever)

telling people what one is thinking and feeling is normal. so yea I have told my friends and family I didnt want to talk about something because of how it was making me feel. just last night my wife and I had a disagreement where I stated to her the words, "no more, enough, I cant talk about this any more right now" then I went to another room to meditate and clear my head. my children too have been told things like "that's enough, we all need to take a break and talk about this later, go do your homework and we will talk more when we are all calmed down."

yup I am very vocal as a wife, mother, career woman about how I am feeling and when its enough. I even pm / email some members here when Its time for me to not discuss something anymore and take a break from the discussions.

I have never had to tell someone that they are triggering me. If I get triggered enough to switch, I switch before I know what is going on. That is what I believe is happening to me at the local pubs. Someone or something is triggering me and I do not come back until I am back at the Veteran's Domiciliary where I live.

Everyone’s coming from a different place on this as always. We’re such gorgeous snowflakes, trying not to melt and stay in our safe or happy place. I had to take assertiveness classes. Families and work and friends , even a crowded place of business can seem like a minefield some days. I was then a teacher (picture the humor of this). If you don’t tell them right then not to do something awful w their boogers or something that really might put someone in danger, you’re sunk. Now I’m working on going for coffee when my husband or son are purposely pushing my buttons. Better to chill and later set some boundaries. I’m so earnest and determined that my h outsmarts me when I’m all wound up and my 6’3” athletic son has actually gingerly lifted 5’6” me up and out of his path. Would make a great sitcom. LOL everybody!

We know that people, places and things trigger us moment to moment, especially people. We know what some triggers are, especially the emotional ones.

We know Outrage is triggered by insensitive people which then Triggers the Angry One. Only Pissed (who wants to rip peoples head off but knows that he can’t which further infuriates him) rears it’s ugly head when someone is pushing our buttons out of spite.

If a body brushes up against ours or a touch initiated on purpose causes the sexual ones to emerge which at inappropriate times we have to push away.

We can’t say “you are making me...” because by then the switch has taken place....triggering is the only thing that we can say to describe quickly what is really going on within....maybe more as a warning to ourselves?

Anyhow, we must go.