[loliielena]

Firstly I know I need to see a professional about it but I’m very scared. I’m only asking for opinions maybe some guidance. I know you can’t diagnose me.

I’ll try to make this as short as possible. I was sexually abused for over 12 years and my coping mechanism has always been dissociating. And it’s always been a huge part of my life. When something traumatic happens I dissociate. When I can’t handle something I dissociate even with small things but I generally just have a lot of triggers. I thought it might be dissociative amnesia. But I black out on a consistent basis and based on documentaries and research, dissociative amnesia isn’t on a consistent basis DID is? I’ve always known I have some sort of dissociative disorder since I was very young when the abuse started. But I didn’t research it for a long time because I was scared.

I just recently got curious and now I’m like wow....... I could have DID.

I also am childlike in general but I have this other uh....... state of mind I call it. Where I black out and it literally feels like a little girl around 5 years old is taking over my body. And she feels so alone and has no one to talk too. She or I,... I don’t even know how to address her... wants friends but they see me as 22 not 5 and it makes her cry and feel so alone. It’s so confusing. She cries then I snap out of it. And I’m like wtf?

How do I make her not feel alone... she wants to play and be loved.

I black out and don’t remember getting to certain places, saying certain things etc.

Any opinion or advice is appreciated thanks a lot in advance.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're struggling, loliielena Yeah, it does seem like you have DID. Unfortunately the only way to treat it successfully is to see a doctor. I know you're scared, but please try to see one... it seems like it could be really helpful to you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by loliielena

Firstly I know I need to see a professional about it but I’m very scared. I’m only asking for opinions maybe some guidance. I know you can’t diagnose me.

I’ll try to make this as short as possible. I was sexually abused for over 12 years and my coping mechanism has always been dissociating. And it’s always been a huge part of my life. When something traumatic happens I dissociate. When I can’t handle something I dissociate even with small things but I generally just have a lot of triggers. I thought it might be dissociative amnesia. But I black out on a consistent basis and based on documentaries and research, dissociative amnesia isn’t on a consistent basis DID is? I’ve always known I have some sort of dissociative disorder since I was very young when the abuse started. But I didn’t research it for a long time because I was scared.

I just recently got curious and now I’m like wow....... I could have DID.

I also am childlike in general but I have this other uh....... state of mind I call it. Where I black out and it literally feels like a little girl around 5 years old is taking over my body. And she feels so alone and has no one to talk too. She or I,... I don’t even know how to address her... wants friends but they see me as 22 not 5 and it makes her cry and feel so alone. It’s so confusing. She cries then I snap out of it. And I’m like wtf?

How do I make her not feel alone... she wants to play and be loved.

I black out and don’t remember getting to certain places, saying certain things etc.

Any opinion or advice is appreciated thanks a lot in advance.

first take time to breath and relax, just because someone sometimes blacks out and has times when they feel and act childlike does ...........not.......... mean they are DID or any other dissociative disorder...

there are many many mental and physical health problems that have these symptoms.

example

someone that I know has these same problems and they are diagnosed with Schizophrenia.

A sibling with these same problems is diagnosed with PTSD with psychotic features and borderline personality disorder

my daughter has this problem and her diagnosis was hermaphroditic with mosaic blood disorder with psychotic features.

my grandmother had early onset Alzheimers and had these same symptoms.

my point is until you go through actual diagnostic procedures with a psychiatrist theres no way to know what you have just by researching online, reading books and such based on your symptoms.

the best thing you can do is just take some deep breaths, relax and contact a treatment provider who can not only look at the fact that you are having problems with black outs and acting like a child sometimes, but they can also look at your life history of meds, documented problems, any "other accompanying symptoms that are not found on the internet and in books/ movies and can get you set up for all the different tests you will need to go through.

your medical doctor can also get you some information that cant be gotten on the internet about DID for example did you know that there is a medical /physical part of DID and dissociation that can be found through doing a brain scan, EEG, MRI. your doctor can look in your medical records to see if you have ever had these tests and if so tell you what those results were and can schedule you for more indepth brain scans where you actually enter dissociative states so they can see what your brain is doing. its really fascinating to see an mri scan while one is dissociating

other than pointing you to your doctors and telling you to relax and not jump the gun based on what you are finding on the internet theres not much we can do here.

we dont dish out advise and such. all we do here is tell you whether we have the same problems you do and what we and our own treatment providers do. we can also make suggestions based on what you post but like the disclaimer at the bottom of the page says before you try anything anyone suggests here you will need to contact your treatment providers.

dissociative amnesia is actually consistant like DID and is part of having DID. its a special kind of not remembering based on traumatic events. but you dont ..........Have ...............to hav e DID to have it.

example its not about forgetting where you put your keys.

its forgetting everything about and around a traumatic event....

if getting fired from a job was traumatic to someone and they have dissociative amnesia they would not remember going to work, getting called into the bosses office, getting fired, they would not remember cleaning out their desk, or going home. they would wake up the next morning as if nothing happened and everything is hunky dory. time to get ready for work. then someone says sorry you dont work here any more, oh I dont ok when did that happen well I guess its time to hit the wanted section and look for a new job, and goes on with their life as if nothing traumatic happened.

my point is if you have this kind of amnesia its just as if everything is still going great in your life because you have no memory of the trauma and anything associated with the trauma, why because your brain has physically placed those memories in your unconscious not conscious storage. made you forget everything about what ever is traumatizing to you.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by loliielena

Firstly I know I need to see a professional about it but I’m very scared. I’m only asking for opinions maybe some guidance. I know you can’t diagnose me.

I’ll try to make this as short as possible. I was sexually abused for over 12 years and my coping mechanism has always been dissociating. And it’s always been a huge part of my life. When something traumatic happens I dissociate. When I can’t handle something I dissociate even with small things but I generally just have a lot of triggers. I thought it might be dissociative amnesia. But I black out on a consistent basis and based on documentaries and research, dissociative amnesia isn’t on a consistent basis DID is? I’ve always known I have some sort of dissociative disorder since I was very young when the abuse started. But I didn’t research it for a long time because I was scared.

I just recently got curious and now I’m like wow....... I could have DID.

I also am childlike in general but I have this other uh....... state of mind I call it. Where I black out and it literally feels like a little girl around 5 years old is taking over my body. And she feels so alone and has no one to talk too. She or I,... I don’t even know how to address her... wants friends but they see me as 22 not 5 and it makes her cry and feel so alone. It’s so confusing. She cries then I snap out of it. And I’m like wtf?

How do I make her not feel alone... she wants to play and be loved.

I black out and don’t remember getting to certain places, saying certain things etc.

Any opinion or advice is appreciated thanks a lot in advance.

just noticed something that brought up a question ...

you use the term "black outs"... here in the USA having "black outs" disqualifies a person from having DID.

Im wondering if you mean what my location calls "co consciousness". this where a person switches into being an alternate personality but can still know a bit about whats going on.

my point is if you are co conscious with your alters this is a great thing. it means your healing process will be much easier because you wont have to do the therapy stuff to develop the co consciousness. in other words if you are DID being co conscious takes many years off treatment and merging together happens faster.

example i had limited co consciousness with my alter beth and none with my alter Green. beth merged together with me with in a year of therapy where as with green it took over 10 years to happen.

being co conscious I didnt have to guess at what was needed and what to do because that alter could let me know.

Reading this blog might help. It has much much information.
Discussing Dissociation | Thoughts from a DID Systems Specialist
Im sorry you feel scared.

[kecanoe]

I am learning to ask the little parts of me what they want, what would make them feel comforted. And then I usually have to ask the "outside" world for what ever it is. Sometimes I can soothe the littles myself. You could try things like rubbing lotion in, reading children's books, going to a playground and swinging.

[dlantern]

It is not bad being like this....

[Fuzzybear]

((((hugs))))

welcome to the forum

[ACrystalGem]

There's a series of picture books that really helped me when I was first diagnosed - aimed at child-alters. It mentions how time has passed and why that may be confusing for your little girl.
Dear Little Ones: Amazon.co.uk: Jade Miller: 9781507843437: Books

Kind regards
ACrystalGem

Originally Posted by loliielena

Firstly I know I need to see a professional about it but I’m very scared. I’m only asking for opinions maybe some guidance. I know you can’t diagnose me.

I’ll try to make this as short as possible. I was sexually abused for over 12 years and my coping mechanism has always been dissociating. And it’s always been a huge part of my life. When something traumatic happens I dissociate. When I can’t handle something I dissociate even with small things but I generally just have a lot of triggers. I thought it might be dissociative amnesia. But I black out on a consistent basis and based on documentaries and research, dissociative amnesia isn’t on a consistent basis DID is? I’ve always known I have some sort of dissociative disorder since I was very young when the abuse started. But I didn’t research it for a long time because I was scared.

I just recently got curious and now I’m like wow....... I could have DID.

I also am childlike in general but I have this other uh....... state of mind I call it. Where I black out and it literally feels like a little girl around 5 years old is taking over my body. And she feels so alone and has no one to talk too. She or I,... I don’t even know how to address her... wants friends but they see me as 22 not 5 and it makes her cry and feel so alone. It’s so confusing. She cries then I snap out of it. And I’m like wtf?

How do I make her not feel alone... she wants to play and be loved.

I black out and don’t remember getting to certain places, saying certain things etc.

Any opinion or advice is appreciated thanks a lot in advance.

You don’t have to be alone with yourself. Treat her like the child she is with coloring books, stuffies, toys, finger foods, crayons, a playhouse.....

How can you have blackouts and yet know about the little? We call that co-conscience as we are the same.

And yes, DID is a switching between states of mind...alternated states= alters.

Our little Bobby loves fast food hamburgers. Every time we order he has to have his own small cheeseburger (nevermind the waist, lol)...

Just treat the child as she is...with attention and care....and there is her friend.