Ex Dissociates--How Can I Help Her?

Hey guys, just wondering if there is any way I might help my ex. She dissociateds a lot, all the time. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!!

Hi, bpcyclist! I think she must be trying (even subconsciously) to escape from something that's too much for her. If you can find out what that is, maybe you can help get rid of it.

that depends.... on what you mean by "She dissociateds a lot, all the time"

heres why... its normal for people to dissociate.

dissociation is one of those things where even people with out mental disorders do it every day of their lives. what makes it abnormal is 2 things....

1 whether the person who is doing it feels its a problem for them
2 whether they meet the diagnostic criteria for having a mental disorder
3 which mental disorder they meet the diagnostics for... there are many dissociative and non dissociative mental and physical problems that have various forms of dissociation with them.

first you stated shes your ex. that in itself says theres nothing you can do to help her. think of it this way would you want your ex girlfriends, ex boyfriends coming to you trying to come back into your life where your mental and physical health problems are concerned after you have broke up with them.

many people who have been in relationships break up and are no longer a couple for a reason... they dont get along, one is more controlling then the other or they just dont fit together as a couple anymore, so they have decided to go their separate ways.

when boyfriends and girlfriends go their separate ways by breaking up they no longer have a right to things like what goes on in the others mental and physical health issues.

if your ex ...... asks.........you for your help then you can ask her how you can help her. then she will tell you what she needs from you, what you can do for her. until then theres nothing you can do to help her.

on the other hand what you can do for your self is contact a mental health treatment provider, they can help you to understand what the dissociative issues are and how you can help your self through knowing that your ex may have a dissociation problem.

Im sorry I cant be more helpful on this but since you and she are ex's now not a couple that knocks out any ways for you to help her unless she asks for it, then she will tell you what she needs.

Yeah. Well, she did some very, very bad stuff to me. Long time ago. Almost got me killed. Cheated with the man who tried to kill me. She will not admit to any of it, but, I actually walked in on them once. Have audio and video, etc. They don't know it. Anyway, this is all about to come out publicly (I have written a book) and it will be very difficult for her. Just trying to anticipate how to deal with her.

Dear bpcyclist, I am sooooo sorry about all of that. How horrible!! I'm glad you were able to write the book. Take good care of yourself. Don't let them hurt you anymore! God bless you!!

Thank you for the support, Breaking Dawn.

What's the nature of the dissociation? Just wondering because there are other possibilities than trauma, such as form of epilepsy where the sufferer experiences periods of blankness they aren't aware of. They just stare blankly for a time and then come back to consciousness. Onlookers often mistake it for inattentiveness or dissociation buts it's caused by excessive stimulation of a region of the brain called the claustrum.

Well, I guess the nature is that, pretty much whenever she is faced with pain from her past, of which there is a whole lot, she heads off into a non-factual universe, in which none of those bad things ever happened. Even though they all very much did. She manages to make that information, that part of her brain, essentially inaccessible to her. I don't think she is lying. I did for a long time. But it is way. way, way beyond lying. She just has no conscious access to that information in her brain.

I ran across some of her private online activity when this all was discovered. I must say, the writing, that voice, teh language and content, it sounded quite literally like a totally differen human being than what I had known her to be. Very dark, huge, huge risk-taker. Lotta immoral and illegal conduct. Huge cheater, huge liar, huge embezzler. Secret drug problem. Etc.

So, I did actually entertain the notion of some type of DID, but I just do not know anything about it, really. Thanks for the help, I really appreciate it.

Dear bpcyclist, You describe my mother (parts of her), convenient memories, so she didn't feel guilty for extremely abusive things. And other people out there in life. You can't get through to their souls. One person in my life seemed to be without a soul. Was that his fault? I don't know. If he came into this world shortchanged, how could that be his fault? Since I don't know, I have to move on & let it go. I know it still hurts. But it is what it is. And you can have happiness anyway.

Yeah, last big blowup we had, I finally just told her, the best thing for both of us would def be no contact. But, we have a child together and I support her and that child 100%, so...