sad understanding

I am the way I am. I wish I could undo myself. I don't fit anywhere. I wish I could open up more. I admire & consider other people so interesting. I love them. But there is something about me that feels this pillow or a cloud between us. I feel so much love & admiration for special others. So why is it so hard to open up a little bit more? This is a good place. Thanks to many of you. I definately dissociate! I've been doing that since I was a child, an escape. Bad things happened back then & then later on. But I found a way & now, thank goodness I'm here.

This is the most I have seen you open up here. You are always so sweet and uplifting and I value your PC friendship. I am sorry you went through bad things as a child. Have you been able to talk to a T or anyone about them? Not saying you have to talk here because sometimes talking about sad things can open old wounds. I always enjoy hearing from you! Keep in mind that lots of people don't feel like they fit in--I've had that feeling a lot during different stages in my life. Hugs.

I think we stay away from opening up on certain things as a way of protecting ourselves. I am not sure that is what it does...maybe it does let us cope.

I'm so sorry bad things happened to you, Breaking Dawn.

Hugs. Thank you for posting. This is the most I have seen you open up here. I'm sorry you've been hurt as a cub and later on

Developmental trauma steals so much from us. I too feel like I can love others but don't fit in anywhere myself, can't open up to others myself.
It is so hard to be vulnerable enough to connect with others emotionally when your brain and your being has developed to defend the self from being hurt from others.
I keep hearing that whatever a child learns about love, life and relationships in their first 1000 days will be their blue print for human relationships for life.
I feel doomed.

Just go at your own pace, Breaking Dawn, one step at a time. If it's a goal, then it will happen one day, whatever you wish for.

I admire people who post and open up too. I'm grateful that people here are so NON judgmental

Thank you @Cheryl27!! And thank you for being here!

I also often have the feeling of not belonging or fitting in.

Maybe it’s the difference of being an extrovert, but I am very open and vocal. It didn’t make me feel more embraced and secure, though.

But opening up and venting about my feelings made me feel better, to get things off my chest. Good for you in opening up here, BD!