[Rio_]

Possibly a stupid question, but I'm not totally sure what dissociation involves, or if it's anything like what I'm going to try and describe.

Basically, I spend quite a lot of time "lost in thought". If I'm with a group of people and feel like I'm not being included, or just can't hear what's being said, I'll give up trying and retreat into my own thoughts. Near the end of last year I was walking back to halls in the dark by myself, and no matter how hard I told myself to pay attention to what was happening around me (it was a well-lit, busy street I was walking along, so I doubt anything was actually going to go wrong, but you can't be too careful, right?) I realised just how hard I was finding it to focus.

I've been told a few times by my friends that I "look like [I'm] miles away", and I'm beginning to wonder if this may have cost me friendships in the past. There have been times when I've been with a group of people and thought "nobody would notice if I wasn't here", but no wonder if I isolate myself by doing this! I didn't have many friends at school, especially during the later years, and I wonder if this is either the cause or something I started to help me feel less lonely.

Does anyone else here do something similar, or have any thoughts about what might be happening?

[Perna]

Everyone dissociates; it's what happens when you're not "here" because you're thinking of something else (as you describe) or when you're reading a book and involved in the action instead of paying attention to your mother calling you for dinner or to fold the laundry (which I'd get in trouble for because she'd have to tell me multiple times :-)

You can only put your attention one place at a time; even so-called "multi-taskers" are really only doing one thing at a time but changing often/quickly between tasks like those circus performers that get a zillion plates spinning at once? And, you can choose where to put your attention.

I have trouble kind of like you describe, where I say goodbye to someone but other people are saying goodbye, etc. and I just kind of drift off, not paying attention to the continuing chit chat while everyone gets out the door. It's a form of "boredom" and literally not "caring." I think that happens more than people like to admit, where they drift off because whatever is happening is less compelling than what they're thinking or thinking at all/concentrating is less compelling than just going "blank" and paying attention to nothing. If it was dark in your hallway and no one else was around and you couldn't think of much interesting to think about; that would be a kind of deprivation of stimulation of sorts I think, and not much would be going on anywhere?

We have to train our minds (because we want to) to pay attention to something in particular. If you want friends, you have to pay attention to them/people around you and make the effort to enter into conversations, etc. Sometimes, especially when I was a teenager, I didn't like doing something so I'd "avoid" it by my inattention. Well, that gets to be a habit (like anything else) and you get better at not paying attention! That's not a good thing?

One can't "stand still" one is always moving forward or backwards; that's why it's is best to work hard especially when depressed or having a hard time of any sort to keep trying because otherwise the "speed" at which one falls backwards will increase and the further "back" you are the harder it is to get moving forward again and make up the "distance." Think about subjects you have trouble with in school and when that started and how you have behaved since you started having trouble?

I have trouble with computer programming because I didn't pay attention and work very hard at math in high school so didn't get the right/enough algebra because my high school math problems led to me ducking out and taking the easiest college math classes I could. I was supposed to take calculus but took the polyglot basic math instead: http://www.math.umd.edu/undergraduat...sMATH110.shtml

We don't know what we're going to need in the future so paying attention so we "collect" what we can as it goes by is a good idea I think. I spent 10-20 years in my head in the 1960's and 70's and didn't learn a darn thing "new"/helpful other than that was a bad idea :-) I'd love to have that time back now!

[Susan27]

hi rio, yes everyone dissociates to one degree or another. examples, getting lost in a book or movie, daydreaming etc. the difference is in the degree and whether it's affecting your functioning in life. there's a whole spectrum. getting lost in your own thoughts, or drifting off into yourself is pretty common but only you and/or a trained counselor could really be able to tell you if it's a condition that needs treatment (there's really no meds for dissoc itself...talk therapy is how we try and work out the parts of ourselves that we've closeted away) with the goal of integration of thoughts, feelings, experiences, mental and physical processes in the psyche.

if you are uncomfortable with the symptoms you describe and it's bothering you, then i would suggest seeking help. otherwise, it's probably just part of your personality.

[Rio_]

Thanks, Perna. Glad it's more common than I thought! I like your dark hallway example.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
If you want friends, you have to pay attention to them/people around you and make the effort to enter into conversations, etc.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I know, and sometimes I do manage - I've made a few great friends since starting university, it's the first time I've felt accepted in a group for a while. But with some other groups (like the people I go round with at orchestra), whether rationally or not, I don't feel welcome - it doesn't help that they're all music students in the same class, so I don't have much in common with them - so I don't talk much, and retreat into my own thoughts, to avoid bothering them. I think I'm too quick to "give up" on people.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
One can't "stand still" one is always moving forward or backwards; that's why it's is best to work hard especially when depressed or having a hard time of any sort to keep trying because otherwise the "speed" at which one falls backwards will increase and the further "back" you are the harder it is to get moving forward again and make up the "distance." Think about subjects you have trouble with in school and when that started and how you have behaved since you started having trouble?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Good point!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I spent 10-20 years in my head in the 1960's and 70's and didn't learn a darn thing "new"/helpful other than that was a bad idea :-)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Well, that's still helpful. Thanks again!

[Rio_]

Thanks, Susan. Good to know it's pretty common. I don't really think it's bad enough to need treatment (my parents wouldn't be exactly thrilled at me going back into therapy, either ) - you're probably right and it's just part of my personality. Not the best part, but never mind.

[iamtwilight]

Dissociating helped me to survive Christmas shopping with my mom, heh.

Sometimes it's useful.. In a way.

Perna and Susan pretty much said what I was going to, but, I still felt like replying. Oh well.

[Rio_]

Thanks for replying, Katie. That's good it helps you sometimes!

[Kiya]

today is a perfect example - i went to the store for pet hair removers (lint rollers) and possibly a hair product. That's it.
I came home with 2 new DVDs on sale (white oleander and You've got mail), 2 my little pony toys, and 2 harry potter book marks. Can any one tell i have 2 kid parts? -one with a darker personality - she got the White oleander - totally triggers her, but she's drawn and can't help it - normalizes her life for her some. I think she's the one who painted my nails yesterday in black and blood red polish.
*sigh*. At least some TP ended up in there as well.

[Perna]

Shoot, Kiya, I don't have DID and do that all the time, grocery shop for one thing and forget it but get lots of other things I didn't know I needed or wanted. Can't say I paint my nails black and red though :-) I have scents I stay away from that I no longer remember why; relationships/dates that were unpleasant for me but which I don't have details about. It's frustrating because I love the scents but the emotions attached to them now make me feel bad.

[Kiya]

hehehahah hmmmmmmmm.... i did not realize that i posted that post in 2 threads. My computer is having problems so i have to copy every single post incase it doesn't go through. I remember being soooooooo frustrated when i though the post didn't show up in what i thougth was the "littles and shopping" post and had NO idea that i was in this one. Sorry all! Slipping a little.

Yeah, it's not specific to DID - we all do that to some extent i am sure. It is that as soon as we get to the store the littles kick in and want toys now! So i start telling them that there is a budget and we are here for xyz and not for toys. so they take over my body and get what they want. they let me back in my body to drive because they can't. =( when i try to fight back and take over the shopping again, this nasty fog comes in my head and obscures everything - everything is floaty, unclear, i can hear the kids chattering about which toy they want... i did get back enough to get the system to put back the birdseed i ended up carying around the store. and i did make them choose over which pony toy they wanted - 3 was not ok. 2, i didn't have a choice on because there are 2 of them and if one gets one, the other does also.

Aye, Perna theblack polish with a shiny blood red overcoat was the destructive part fighting for her turn - i told her no to the r@zor and so she painted them like this instead... and snuck the r@zor in later when i wasn't paying enough attention. *sigh*.

One thing amazing to me (off topic) is that some strong parts that I though originally were adults are actually only kids! They think they are adults because they had to be back then. But my little destructive one is 10! For years i thought she was older than me, but even my T knew, because she called her a little feral wolf pup. Which both enraged her further, and also she liked the name because it was a form of endearment. Odd... all these things...
ok... getting off this rant now. kiya

[lauren_helene]

I'm glad this thread is posted because I've been wondering this about myself.

I call it 'the trance' but I often stare off/daydream etc. and get lost in tv shows, conversations, etc. Many times I need to drive and listen to music...have called that music therapy.

I've done this ever since I was little...I do have ADD but think this goes beyond ADD. I have driven to work and thought, hey I don't remember being this far...but I must've been present enough to drive.

Actually since taking Neurontin and Seroquel I don't zone out as much as I used to. As for whether this is part of BPD, I couldn't say for sure. I also have PTSD among some other lovely personality traits

I guess I thought it was part of the PTSD...

[Rapunzel]

Dissociation is often part of PTSD. If you have PTSD, I would be surpised if you didn't dissociate. People with BPD dissociate a lot too btw. It's hard to distinguish between just being lost in thought, and dissociating. I know that I dissociate a lot, but it's hard for me to notice it. A lot of the time I think I'm just distracted and thinking about something, but that's what dissociating is if you are so distracted and lost in thought that you lose connection with here and now while you are gone.

[Kiya]

Can a person be DID and BPD at the same time? OR even MPD and BPD? I have a hard time understanding the criteria when it says for BPD if one meets all the criteria ... but MPD kind goes off on it's own thing... I do fit several of the criteria for BPD, but i also have alters.

[silver_queen]

I don't see why there couldn't be both, just as a DIDer can also have depression, or anxiety, or whatever. But BPD might not affect everyone within the system, just as depression might not affect all alters... imo.

[jacq10]

If you're always falling back into the routine of thinking about the past... going over in your head things that have happened, remembering conversations, etc... is that dissociation? Because you're so involved in those thoughts?

[jacq10]

anyone?