[iamtwilight]

I've been wondering about this for a few weeks. I think an alter has come out. In fact, I think there are three of them.

i'm not sure if I have DID, I don't remember any traumatic experiences from my childhood except being beaten several times for things I was not guilty for. (my mom has a short temper)

I also had intense feelings of abandonment throughout my childhood. I was afraid that my mom would want one of my friends to be her child. That's why I'm still bitter towards my childhood friends.

Once drunk, my dad revealed that I have been sexually abused by him. I'm not sure if this is true, but it would explain that I have DID.

I lately found that an alter came out. And yesterday, I suddenly started crying for an unknown reason, after a phone call with a new T. Then I started dissociating, and was thrown back into a cold body after 15 minutes.

Often I find myself have done things I don't recall doing. I find myself bidding items on eBay that my alter likes. I'm after cheap makeup. My alter bids on cheap. One explanation is that

I'm always a different person to everyone. Act differently in each situation.

One weird experience was that when Cassandra, my 16/17 year old alter had to have a shower with my boyfriend, but she was feeling very uncomfortable so she decided to freeze for 15 minutes until I switched.

They even talk inside my head. Sometimes Cassandra tells me, Katie, to just shut up. When she acts like a goof.

Is it just my psychosis playing a trick on me or does this sound like DID? Any input will be appreciated. I just want an opinion, especially from other DID folks, before I go to my T. I wonder if they will just say that I have looked too much information on the Internet.

Thanks for reading.

<3 Katie and friends

(EDIT) Also, most Finnish psychiatric institutions don't believe in DID, so I would be glad to hear what kind of medication/treatment do you DID folks have?

[Kiya]

i relate to several things you said; the alters naming them selves, freezing in stressful times, acting different in every situation ( a really handy coping mechanism) with each person, talking in my head, negative talk to me or others...

Personally, I think getting all the info I can is a good thing. I've only had one T disagree with that.

Best to you in your search for self and meaning. =)
Kiya

[iamtwilight]

Thanks Kiya! Your input is very much appreciated.

Can you tell which of your alters is talking? I'm sometimes finding it hard to tell who is doing the talking, but I think I can tell by the tone.

[wanttoheal]

Everyone's experiences can be so different, so for me, it's hard to know for sure without a professional. That would be hard if your Drs don't believe that it exists though. I went to therapy for a completely different reason and found out that I have DID. I just thought so much was normal, thought everyone had certain experiences that were going on for me. I have amnesiac DID and so don't usually know I'm gone unless I find out after, although as I get more awareness, I'm more aware that I've missed days and events. And I'm trying to pay more attention to my environment for clues. While they have been there forever, I was not aware enough to look for them (One reason was because I didn't know it didn't happen to everyone) so often if I don't try to consciously think about it, I don't even pay attention to things.

Everyone is so different. I'd definitely talk to your therapist if stuff is going on that is interfering with your life. While there aren't any meds specifically for DID, there might be some meds that can help with other things going on (ie depression, anxiety, etc).

I think it's great that, if you have DID, you have so much awareness of other parts. I want that so desperately but for me, it awfully slow coming (but also, I went through denial for as long as I could as well. I don't do change so well or awareness so well). I don't mean to, but I kind of get envious of people who have awareness to that degree so quickly and have to keep telling myself that I am making progress, even if it's slow coming. That's just my own stuff though, not a reflection on anyone else. I just want to be healed- and now (which is hard to come by when I also don't do change very well lol) I think you're doing really well.

As far as belief, my t and I had a conversation about that once. She said that it's kind of irrelevant whether or not Drs or people believe because it doesn't make it go away or show up, if they don't.

I wish you the best with figuring things out. It's a long hard trail, but it's doable with hard work. Take good care of yourself.

[iamtwilight]

Thanks very much for the insightful and encouraging reply!

I'm not sure if I can find a therapist for DID here, or even be diagnosed, but I am going to move out of country (sweden) In August so I hope they will have more resources.

Much strength to you as well, wanttoheal. I am sure one day you will be healed.

[iamtwilight]

Hopeless. I'd have to find a trauma specialist for this, and I can't afford it.

Sigh, I just have to move out of country.

At least I still have this site