My former T and I... had heated discussions on the "truth"...

She... did not believe in DID... she told me that repeatedly.. she told me they don't teach it in school any more.. and that it simply and completely does not exist..

Sooo... for 4 years... I thought I was going insane... had been DXed years ago.. and ended up due to fianancial reasons.. with this T...

So... she told me... that everything is black and white.. with no gray...yepper.. it is true..for her.. that is how she saw everything...

So... in her world... my alters suffered... because within the DID realm.... it is "gray"...but in her world of black and white... I lied...

one event... can be "seen"... many different ways... not just one clean cut way...every alter "experiences" the same event differently....

But.. if you take the DID out of the equation.. then what you have is lies...

I realized... today.... how profoundly I was impacted by my former T... how I tried so very hard to "act" as a "whole" person... but I have alters.. and my life is frequently "chaos" from all the alters " doing their own thing"....

I guess... after the 14 months I have spent with this new T, I can finally... and I mean finally forgive myself... for not meeting my former T's standards... I never would be able to... because I do have alters...

I am sure none of what I am saying makes sense... I don't know how to communicate... the intense.. I mean intense pain.. that my former T .... caused by not recognizing DID.....

As a DID... person..... treated as a person with no alters - you see my actions IRL... make no sense to anyone..... so I appear...inconsistent... chaotic

She always wanted me to "single thread"... take one issue.. and do homework.. and follow that one issue.. from beginning to end... even if it took 2 months of sessions.... and I realized today.. I didn't fail.. because what she wanted.. was impossible for me to give...
Alters..."pop" up and want their time in session.. and want their issues listened to....trying to suppress that... nearly... did cause me to "lose it"...

sorry.. am not sure what this post is...

is not a rant...

I think.. a recognition of who I am... and that as DID.. I am OK... and that.... what my former T did... hurt a great deal......and I can now let it go... because it wasn't a failure on my end...just a "miss match" of patient and T...

[Perna]

Even if one does not believe in DID, that doesn't make everything truth or lies! That's not even close to the richness of experience for people who are not DID!

There's no such thing as a true or false perspective. If I say and believe the sky is green, then it's green for me! No one except myself can say it is not. The only problem with it being green is that 99.9999999999999% of people have "agreed" that it's blue. So, it becomes a problem for me communicating with others and dealing with the 82.7% of the people who have a problem with my being allowed to see and call it green.

If you do not know in any way, shape or form that it is "supposed to be" blue, then it cannot be a lie (I spent a zillion years seeing it as green but knowing everyone else saw it blue so toed the party line as well as I could and talked about blue; a whole different sort of problem; now I can talk better about how I see it without needing to cave to the party). If your green alter is out, then it's green.

[Kiya]

yep.... what you say totally makes sense.'

"
I am sure none of what I am saying makes sense... I don't know how to communicate... the intense.. I mean intense pain.. that my former T .... caused by not recognizing DID....."

i also had a t who did not believe in DID but talked purposely to the alters... i mean, what good is that? I would totally switch, become 8 and then have to get myself home. I was so frustrated - if you don't believe in it, then don't have them come out!!! It messed with me a lot. Even though I got a long with her well, i quit because of that. it was messing with the system. =(
DID aside, perna's right - there's a lot of gray in the world, and it scares me how many ppl think things are black and white. I think there would be a lot more sunderstanding on the planet if people could get out of those boxes.

Kiya

[Fragmented]

Freewill, I am so sorry for you. I am new here and I am so upset by what you went through. Now I argue with my p-doc about my DID dx but that is me and that is ok. I just have one alter that thinks he (p-doc) is untrustworthy but then again she thinks all men are. He and I have had a discussion about this too and he understands it is because first and foremost he is a man. I am trying to work on trusting him. I have argued about it since day one. Mainly because I was the last to know about my inners as I called them first. I was so clueless. But this T of yours was clueless and tactless and she traumatized you. Retraumatized, you have been. That breaks my heart because you see I think most of us have been through enough. And it is hard enough to get up the courage to go and tell someone what is inside our heads and for someone to treat you like that. Well, it makes me want to go find her for you and mess with her. I am sorry if I am coming on strong but you must not let her mess with your mind anymore. Thank goodness you have another T now.

Nothing in life, especially with the brain is black and white. Makes me wonder why she became a t in the first place.

I personally believe that DID will look different to each person that experiences it too. JMHO

Yes you are ok. You are more than ok. You are GREAT.

I hope you are better today.

I am sorry it upset me so much. It just isn't right. I am so glad you are doing better.

fragmented.