switchy at dr

Grrrrrrrrr today somehow was hard there - i couldn't get my main self to stay present. i didn't know what the apnt was about or who to put in chanrge. i kept getting adjitated and switching rapidly. not that dr knew - doesn't pay a lot of close attention... the fact that i drew my legs up into a crosslegged sitting position on the "table" should have been a clue. then i had to have blood drawn and really didn't know if the system would sit through it or not. not fun times, to be sure.

(((Kiya)))

At least it's over now.

Does your doctor know you're DID?

katie no, i never told her anything. i think she can't even remember i told her i have a history of abuse. this is the family dr - not the one i see nearly every month who i trust more and feel safe with. i haven't told her anything like SI or DID or the anxiety/depression. I was trying to get myself to ask her about anxiety meds so i can go to the dentist... but that got pushed out of my brain again. i think my filling broke and i have put it off a month now already.
dr started freaking me out - asking if i'd been in other than this (which would mean physical and all that that i am avoiding)... thankfully she dropped it and didn't say i had to come back. she scares me - i mean, she's nice but very brisk and i really don't like her quick movements - i have to watch her and guard me all the time. i can't think of things non-survival based. makes me edgy..... make any sense?
=( kiya

It does make very good sense.

I'm sorry that your relationship with your family doctor is stressful.

Maybe you can talk about this with your Mental Health Provider? Maybe they could refer you to a doctor who is more understanding.

A Psychiatrist may even be able to answer your questions about the anxiety medication, if you feel more comfortable going to someone who can understand your DID, Anxiety, SI, and Depression.

thanks chris. i do actually see another dr (specialist) who is really against any meds for depression or anxiety. I saw the fam dr cuz the specialist was out of town. I see the spec. monday. yesterday i was close to just walking in to the fam dr, pulling up my sleeve to expose the most current SI and saying "See! I need something for anxiety!!" but that wouldn't have been "me" doing that - another in the system. i called the crisis line instead so that i wouldn't reinjure. but still i am feeling without any real help.
and the crisis line was more help to me in one phone call than my t has been on any calls i make to her when i am about to self injure (calling on her request). grrrrrrrrr.

Well Anxiety and Depression don't have to be treated with medication. Is your therapist qualified in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)? Have you talked about incorporating your Anxiety into your current treatment plan?

=( right now she's at a loss because the system switches on her with what she tries to learn about it. so she doesn't know how to help me. she thinks "i" need to remember the events of the past (that are held by other alters) so that i can heal. but getting near those memroies with the core self is dangerous and the parts won't let me - that's one reason why they injure. or the parts put me in a system lockdown.
so i dunno what we're really doing in therapy - mainly cuz i'm not often present there.

How was your appointment with the specialist Kiya?

oh - good.... i can't remember where i posted about it.... depression? SI?
long story short - she started me on antidepressants, is moving offices to my t's clinic and wants us all to work together, and wants me to work with a DID/MPD specialist.

(mind is reeling still... wait, that may be the drugs...)

(((katie))))

You posted about it right here in this thread.

That sounds good! Hopefully things will start getting better for you (((Kiya)))!

(((((((((((((((((katie))))))))))))))