Is this DID behavior?

I need some help figuring this out. I'm not sure if this post is in the right forum but I'm not sure where else to put it.

I am noticing that I am just not consistent with who I am. I explained to T in session tonight that it like changing my outfit style every few months. This isn't news to him of course but it is to me.

I used to think that my various moods were directing my decisions/behaviors but I'm wondering if there is something more.

For example, I have different mood states and I know everyone does but this seems problematic to me. I may feel more feminine today and adult but then a few days later feel more childlike and vulnerable. Some days I toughen up and feel more guarded. People at work see one side of me and friends, family and strangers might see another.

Another thing is, and this happened just today, whenever I show friends or family a bunch of my growing up pictures here is what they say every time:

None of these pictures look like the same girl and they kind of laugh.

Of course they are varying degrees of age but even my husband says that almost no two pictures are the same. I'm not seeing it at all but it is bothering me that others are. Couple this with how I feel that I change internally too and I just feel lost.

Here is where it is problematic for me. During a phase of feeling more masculine, I went and joined this sport and now two months later I don't feel it anymore but can't get out of this contract that I signed.

Somehow I signed a contract that is uncharacteristic for me. I never get fooled the way I did with this and it is really bothering me. I'm usually the one seeing through all the fine print and this time I didn't even look. I was aware of signing it for sure but this completely goes against what I normally do. Could be just a mistake I guess but I don't know.

I am hoping that this is all driven by mood states and I'm not DID. I haven't really asked T, well once I kind of did ask and he said he didn't think so. It scared me so I never asked again.

This was after I admitted that a few times I told him 'stories' to try and convey frightening topics to him. Rather than just come out and say it was my I was talking about, I would say it was someone else.

I knew what I was doing though and I was just scared to be that honest and vulnerable. I needed to test his reaction first before I said it was me. It was stupid and I feel awful about it.

Does anyone else here do something similar? I know that I dissociate I've always done that. For example, I'll drive to work and zone in and out but still get there in one piece.

I may spend an afternoon while watching tv zoning out. I don't even hear my husband call my name right away. I've told T it is like being in a trance.

He never comments though. He's never used the word dissociate when I tell him stuff like that.

Can anyone help?

From what you have stated here in this thread it is possible that you might be DID...... and your T will be able to help you find out if you are or if your Dx is some other disorder.

I think the turning point in my Dx came when my moods / differences started to have names for each and every one of them...... after this my alters started to show their different personalities to me and my T.

well.... i would say be honest with your t and tell him everything. really.
the "highway hypnosis" and "tv zoning out" are common to most everyone. but that doesn't say yes or no.
I used to tell "stories" to my youth paster to tell her things about me... I don't know that that is odd or special to any dx. I hadn't even thought about it until you mentioned it.
but feeling like different ppl inside and doing things that are not "characteristic" of you - it could be... and it could not be too.
If you are DID - it is not the end of the world. There are different levels of it and ways to get through. The important thing is learning about yourself.
Of 3 therapists, one said no i am not DID, one said i am DID/MPD, and one won't tell me because "I do not see ppl as dx's, but more as processes."
but the more i learn about myself, my behaviors, my actions, my thoughts... the more power i have to make changes if i want to, and to know the reasoning behind them.
Does that make sense?
hugs, Kiya

Thank you both. This helps give me some more information.

There aren't any names, I know they are parts of me but it doesn't feel right.

I wonder what T really has seen with me in the past two years. I can't see me when we talk. I wonder if he'll tell me.

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almeda24fan said:
There aren't any names, I know they are parts of me but it doesn't feel right.

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That is how I felt since I was 12 years old...... and I did not get my Dx of DID until I had a mental break down when I was 30 years old....... that was 11 years ago.

Hi almeda24fan,

I'm not sure if you saw this posted above at the top of the forum, but it might give you some things to think about. Maybe if something sounds similar you can bring that in to T. There is also DDNOS (Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) to be considered as well.

UNDERSTANDING THE DISSOCIATIVE DISORDERS

Dissociative Amnesia
A defining characteristic of dissociative, amnesia is the inability to recall important personal information. This common dissociative disorder is regularly encountered in hospital emergency rooms and is usually caused by a single stressful event.

Dissociative Fugue
Like dissociative amnesia, dissociative, fugue also is characterized by sudden onset resulting from a single severe traumatic event. Unlike dissociative amnesia, however, dissociative fugue may involve the creation of a new, either partial or complete, identity to replace the personal details that are lost in response to the trauma.

Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder
The distinguishing characteristic of depersonalization disorder is the feeling that one is disconnected or unreal. Mind or body may be perceived as unattached, seen from a distance, existing in a dream, or mechanical.

Chronic depersonalization is commonly accompanied by "derealization," the feeling that features of the environment are illusory.

It should be noted that depersonalization as an isolated symptom may appear within the context of a wide variety of major psychiatric disorders like schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, panic disorders and even depression.

Mild episodes of depersonalization have been reported following alcohol use, sensory deprivation, mild social or emotional stress or sleep deprivation, and as a side effect to medications. However, severe depersonalization is considered to be present only if the sense of detachment associated with the disorder is recurrent and predominant.

Dissociative Identity Disorder
Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is the most chronic and severe manifestation of dissociation.

DID is believed to follow severe trauma including persistent psychological, physical, or sexual abuse. In this disorder, distinct, coherent identities exist within one individual and are able to assume control of the person's behavior and thought.

DID is often difficult to detect without the use of specialized interviews and/or tests, due to:
1) the hidden nature of the dissociative symptoms,
2) the coexistence of depression, anxiety, or substance abuse which may mask the dissociative symptoms.
3) it is not uncommon for a decade or more to pass before a correct assessment of DID is made.

Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified
Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS) is an inclusive category for classifying dissociative syndromes that do not meet the full criteria of any of the other dissociative disorders.

A person diagnosed with Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS) typically displays characteristics very similar to some of the previously discussed dissociative disorders, but not severe enough to receive their diagnoses.

http://www.strangerinthemirror.com/dissociative.html

Apparently the mood shifts is common in borderline PD... you might want to look into that (not saying you have it of course, it could well be DID) but if you don't have excessive blackouts or memory lapses I wouldn't be overly worried.

It could also just be your personality... but I do know that the "phases" and shifting are supposed to be one of the symptoms. If it's still *you* but you just feel more masculine or more feminine at times, I would say that's probably just normal for you and for some people.

My T has said I fit the criteria for Borderline/PTSD and that I can see too. This other stuff that is bubbling up just scares me.

I found something very informative though...look for another post in a minute

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SystemAurora said:
Apparently the mood shifts is common in borderline PD... you might want to look into that (not saying you have it of course, it could well be DID) but if you don't have excessive blackouts or memory lapses I wouldn't be overly worried.

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DID is different for each individual. For example, I do not have blackouts or huge memory lapses. Mine is more like a 4 track tape - all playing at the same time (expept 12 instead of 4) and each "records" different pieces of the day. I may not know all that happened, but another does - and we happen to be fairly co-conscious, so i can be informed of the rest.

I don't either (anymore), but all I said was that I wouldn't worry about it if the OP doesn't have those things... it's really not a "disorder" if it doesn't get in the way of your life much, no matter what disorder it should be.

I like your explanation-- I have a computer with different accounts, and even if I can't read all the files I get a little summary of each account's history. Usually.

In most mental disorders there is no one qualifying factor.

I can't look at your MRI and say because you have this abnormality you have this disorder.

DID, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline, Schizophrenia, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder......they all have symptoms that match what you described.

I know you like to have a category to put yourself into but consider the fact that no one disorder can account for every symptom. And we can't even begin to qualify feelings.

Your therapist is required to assign a diagnosis based on what symptoms present to him/her. The DSM is only a tiny tiny portion of what it is like to have that mental disorder.

Many people receive different diagnosis throughout their lives. What begins as ADHD in childhood may become Bipolar in your twenties, DID in your thirties.

The important thing is that your therapist has the skills to treat you and bring you to state that you can use your own body's defense mechanisms in a way that will leave you at peace at the end of the day, instead of chaos.

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PsyChris said:

I know you like to have a category to put yourself into but consider the fact that no one disorder can account for every symptom. And we can't even begin to qualify feelings.

Many people receive different diagnosis throughout their lives. What begins as ADHD in childhood may become Bipolar in your twenties, DID in your thirties.

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I didn't realize that disorders can manifest like that. By the way, I didn't say I like to have a category for myself, I just asked for some advice on what I've been feeling.