just thought I would update you all

I just thought I would update all of you who have been so kind enough to keep me in mind. I have been struggling, everything really started going downhill last Saturday and well from there things have kind of been bad when it comes to flashbacks and body memories. I also found out that I may have more complications to the surgery I had last year. So that is bringing up alot too.

I have decided I was going to write some letters this month to hopefully help myself in getting closure to some extent. I have decided I will continue to write these letters every year until I feel that closure is beginning. I have 3 of them wrote so far and have 12 momre to go.

I also am going to be starting the adult partial hospitalization program here this morning. I tried to start it a few weeks ago, but because there was a conflict of interest with one of the other people I couldn't go then. Then I decided I would just work with my ts but then I realized I did need the extra help and then they told me they weren't going to let me in. But now after seeing my primary physician, she wanted me to start the program. She even sees how much of a problem I have been having. My blood pressure has been very high, the bottom number again reaching 124, almost where it was before I was in the hospital a month ago. Which when I was in the hospital my blood pressure was normal, but it has slowly been creeping it's way back. I don't know what is going on.

I have also started a new painting and when I am finished I will post a picture of it. It is titled "The Beauty of Healing"

Thank you all for caring so much

Oh and sorry I havent been around much, I have just been trying to deal.

Jennifer

(((Jennifer)))

Sorry you have been having such a rough time. High blood pressure and all. I know how it feels when you don't know what's going on. Very stressful. Glad you can start the program now. Hope it will help you.

Keep on hanging on! :-)

((((((((((((( Jennifer ))))))))))))))

you have been in my thoughts and prayers... I have been worrying about you.. I am glad you posted....

((((hugs))) sweetie... and hang on to my hand very tight.. because I am here.. and I care very much about you....

this is a tough time.. and it is good that you are taking action....the letters and the painting sound like good coping.....

Blood pressure... is scary....when it goes up.. it is hard....I know... try... deep breaths..... my BP goes up too..



for you...

(((((((((Jennifer)))))))))) I sure hope things get better for you soon.

BJ

((((((((((((((jennifer!!!))))))))))))))) glad you are getting care!!

I am so glad you are able to get the suport you need. ((((((((((((((((((((((((Jennifer))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

BB

Well I went to the program today, it was a complete failure for me. I went there and see they have groups with the people on the inpatient unit as well. Well there is someone there who is friends with the guy who assaulted me, so now I am feeling I am going gto be unable to talk about anything. I am just so scared. I just want out of the program now, but they wouldn't let me out. they are making me wait until Monday to find out more, they are going to try and work something out.

oh my gosh! i do hope you're alright!!! Hope they can keep you safe!!! thinking about you!!!

Hope you did tell them about that guy!

I hope you will be able to find a group in which you are not having to face him every day. That is hard. Please use good self care.

BB

((((((((((((((((Jennifer1084)))))))))))))

Thanks for letting us know how you're doing. Understand needing to take time to deal with stuff. Please take good care.