i wanted to play but....

ignored, every time ignored

nobody cares i'm just 'in the way'

talk over me, round me, through me

without me have your say.

I'm hurting beyond repair

again today i cry

i may as well give up

no matter how i try

i feel below everyone

trying so hard to grow

be happy, heal, fit in

but it's far too slow.

back at the begining now

i dont want to go on

too much hurt, pain, memories

each weighing a ton.


i wonder if people know just how much damage they cause

i really dont know who i am today, i feel like a nobody

yeah just go on and look

a freak stupid ugly freak.

read ahead ... hope you're enjoying it.

have a laugh ... go on laugh

at the stupid idiot, clown, ugly useless freak.

she let him do it it was all her fault

how dare you break up my relationship with him

you're lying, he just wants to give you a cuddle

because your dad doesn't show his feelings.

grow up .....

''i've been asleep all the way home''

DIRTY %#@&#! LYING BASTARD YOU WERE MAKING ME DO THINGS TO YOU IN THE BACK OF YOUR DIRTY VAN I HATE YOU LEAVEME ALONE

there something else for you all to laugh at. yeah i'm a dirty little ***** that lets fat old men do things to me .... because I JUST LOVE IT

Go and show all your friends .... go on ..... may as well do because everyone thinks the same about me ......

.......GO SHOVE YOUR GOD WHERE THE SUN DONT SHINE .........

IF GOD EXISTED WHY DO SO MANY PRIESTS AND VICARS ABUSE 'GODS CHILDREN'

liars all liars .......... you've had a laugh now GO ON GET LOST ......

nobody wil ever get close to me again ever ....... i am sicf being let down, abandoned, rejected, made to feel guilty etc etc

blah blah blah crap it's all crap.... this life is crap ... the next life will be crap ....... WHY BOTHER LIVING WHAT IS THE POINT ALL YOU GET IS CRAP %#@&#! BOLLOCKS ........ END OF

Safe hugs?
((((((( Jinny )))))))


You're not bad.
You matter.

{{{{{jinny}}}}} babe

they all say we loved it & we wanted it
that's what abusers SAY

please try to ignore it it isn't true

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jinnyann said:
yeah just go on and look

a freak stupid ugly freak.

read ahead ... hope you're enjoying it.

have a laugh ... go on laugh

at the stupid idiot, clown, ugly useless freak.

she let him do it it was all her fault

how dare you break up my relationship with him

you're lying, he just wants to give you a cuddle

because your dad doesn't show his feelings.

grow up .....

''i've been asleep all the way home''

DIRTY %#@&#! LYING BASTARD YOU WERE MAKING ME DO THINGS TO YOU IN THE BACK OF YOUR DIRTY VAN I HATE YOU LEAVEME ALONE

there something else for you all to laugh at. yeah i'm a dirty little ***** that lets fat old men do things to me .... because I JUST LOVE IT

Go and show all your friends .... go on ..... may as well do because everyone thinks the same about me ......

.......GO SHOVE YOUR GOD WHERE THE SUN DONT SHINE .........

IF GOD EXISTED WHY DO SO MANY PRIESTS AND VICARS ABUSE 'GODS CHILDREN'

liars all liars .......... you've had a laugh now GO ON GET LOST ......

nobody wil ever get close to me again ever ....... i am sicf being let down, abandoned, rejected, made to feel guilty etc etc

blah blah blah crap it's all crap.... this life is crap ... the next life will be crap ....... WHY BOTHER LIVING WHAT IS THE POINT ALL YOU GET IS CRAP %#@&#! BOLLOCKS ........ END OF

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

If a 6 year old child said all that to you jinnann, would you blame her??? Come on! How can a child be to blame!

This post really should have gone in Survivors of Abuse forum. imo!

((((((((((((((jinny)))))))))))) I'm sorry you are having a hard time. Have you been in contact with T recently? Please take care of yourself and be safe. We care for you.

i didn't post this here. I'm sorry.

i wanted to scream and shout this morning, i put it in the wrong place and it was moved by a mod. sorry sorry sorry......

always bloody sorry ok??

i thought i could post my feelings here .... can i still? or not i just dont know anymore what'sright or wrong ....

put it somewhere else ... delete it ... do whatever

((((((((((((((Jinny))))))))))))

I just said my opinion, and my opinion counts for nothing so please don't beat yourself up over this. I understand far more than you will ever know.

Safe hugs (((((((((((((( jinnyann )))))))))))))))

yes I completely get this too
my opinion is less than nothing

Everyone's opinion here counts to me.

((((((((((((((((((((Peg))))))))))))))))) your opinion does count i just didn't post it there .... i really don't know what i've been doing to be quite honest which is a bit scary

thankyou for your support everyone

Griffe you are right everyones opinions count whether people agree or not ... we each have a right to an

Jin xoxoxoxoxo

ok, when i was feeling 'not quite myself' i said some awful things aout God. I want to just say i do believe in God .... i don't have to believe in him the way some people would like me to .... lets say i believe in spirit/creator ..... if what i said offended some, then just let me say that i was offended by a comment made too involving God. I think it works both ways imho.

We all say things we don't mean sometimes and i challenge anyone hear on this site to differ. I was triggered and very angry. I am sorry if i offended anyone, but please remember, as i said, rules are not just one way, as indeed is hurt.

thankyou Jinnyann

((((((((((((((jinny)))))))))))) No worries at all. There are some parts of me that have so much anger toward God, some have so much fear that they get panic attacks from stepping in a church or hearing a conversation about him, some care for him and accept him and want to learn more.

We accept you jinny, just as you are, not because of what you say or do. We just accept and care for you. We're very glad you feel safe enough to post here.

Please take good care.

(((((((((((((((((wanttoheal)))))))))))

thankyou so much ..... relieved tears ..... going to t now .... so much to talk about.... so much to show her, all that has happened here, the stuff i've posted, i need to try and work thru it all ....

love you wanttoheal, thankyou so much xoxoxoxoxox jin xx

you can post here jinnyann ....we care ..... safe and gentle hugs if you want them

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pegasus said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jinnyann said:
yeah just go on and look

a freak stupid ugly freak.

read ahead ... hope you're enjoying it.

have a laugh ... go on laugh

at the stupid idiot, clown, ugly useless freak.

she let him do it it was all her fault

how dare you break up my relationship with him

you're lying, he just wants to give you a cuddle

because your dad doesn't show his feelings.

grow up .....

''i've been asleep all the way home''

DIRTY %#@&amp;#! LYING BASTARD YOU WERE MAKING ME DO THINGS TO YOU IN THE BACK OF YOUR DIRTY VAN I HATE YOU LEAVEME ALONE

there something else for you all to laugh at. yeah i'm a dirty little ***** that lets fat old men do things to me .... because I JUST LOVE IT

Go and show all your friends .... go on ..... may as well do because everyone thinks the same about me ......

.......GO SHOVE YOUR GOD WHERE THE SUN DONT SHINE .........

IF GOD EXISTED WHY DO SO MANY PRIESTS AND VICARS ABUSE 'GODS CHILDREN'

liars all liars .......... you've had a laugh now GO ON GET LOST ......

nobody wil ever get close to me again ever ....... i am sicf being let down, abandoned, rejected, made to feel guilty etc etc

blah blah blah crap it's all crap.... this life is crap ... the next life will be crap ....... WHY BOTHER LIVING WHAT IS THE POINT ALL YOU GET IS CRAP %#@&amp;#! BOLLOCKS ........ END OF

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

If a 6 year old child said all that to you jinnann, would you blame her??? Come on! How can a child be to blame!

This post really should have gone in Survivors of Abuse forum. imo!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

jinnyann, of course you can post where ever you feel. My comment about it needing to be in the abuse forum was my opinion. My opinion being that all alters read in this forum, we can't all be in control of which part is reading in here. So my comment is about being sensitive for all in this forum. But you really need not worry because my views do not count at all. Admin and mods control this forum, and so it is up to them.

Anger is an essential part of healing, as a child you would never of been allowed to express anger, that would have been dangerous. Just be mindful as this new angry part finds her voice that she doesn't end up attacking absolutely everyone. We are all here to help you.

I can understand your point Pegasus, and I have often been triggered reading posts, but if there is a trigger icon, no matter where the post is put, it's my responsibility to protect myself. If another part of me goes to another forum and reads something with a trigger icon, it's no different than if that part comes here and reads something with a trigger icon, in my opinion.

I do think the garden should be a safe place so that while we are vulnerable, we have an option to go there and know there won't be something that will trigger us in general while we are in that vulnerable state of mind. I think it's fine to post stuff here though and we should do what we need to do to protect ourselves by knowing that if there is a trigger icon, we might need to check our frame of mind before reading it.

That said, I have run across some posts that should have had a trigger icon and didn't and it's blown me over the boat. But those instances happen and I know people aren't trying to trigger me on purpose. In those instances, if we just pm a mod, they'll put a trigger icon on it so others can know to check themselves.

Things trigger me that don't trigger others so it's hard to know sometimes if something should have a trigger icon. My rule for my posting is that if the idea even slightly blows through my mind, even for an instant, I put a trigger icon, just to be safe.

This is just my opinion. All our opinions count because we are emotional beings with thoughts and ideas. I can't discount my opinions. Even if they disagree with others, they're still my opinions and that's okay.

We're a wonderful mix of people here with all sorts of ideas and opinions. I'm really glad for that because I learn a lot that way. While I might not always agree with someone, and someone might trigger me, it helps me to see there are other sides to things. Sometimes I struggle with seeing that. I'm glad for the learning opportunities. I think it helps my mind to open and for me to grow as an emotional being.

I think all of you all here are awesome and I'm glad we're all here.

The above quote did NOT have a trigger icon on it, it was on the front page of PC forum with the title... I need to play .... so I clicked on it. I still say that we can't always control which alter is reading. Still think the abuse forum would have been better. If you go in the abuse forum you can prepare yourself for that sort of thing. I'll shut up now.

Imust apologise, that particular thread did not have a trigger icon on it ... to be honest i hardly remember posting it i was in a bad way that day and no matter where i had posted it i should have put a trigger icon on it .... it was my fault ... i usually do put a trigger on the slightest thing i post that might harm someone .....

i will take extra care in future, peg i am so sorry if i upset you, it for sure was not on purpose ....

Wanttoheal i appreciate all your support so much over this weekend, i dont know what i would have done without you.....

the last thing i want is to cause more trouble ....

love and care,Jin xoxoxoxoxoxox

You're okay jinny. Just keep posting. If someone sees a post they feel needs a trigger icon, they should alert a mod to have it put on. We all get triggered and we can only do what we can do. We'll get through.

I was at a stop sign and this guy looked like someone else. I was so triggered that I don't remember getting away. But I did and I'm okay now. I'm sure the guy wasn't thinking, wonder what I can do to trigger someone today. He was just moseying along. True that I couldn't stop being triggered, but when I came back in my brain, I made sure I got myself into a safe place. It's all good. We'll make it.

No reason to shut up Pegasus. Your opinion counts too. I did the same thing, got triggered, and got over it. Then I sent a PM and asked Jinny if it could be moved so as to not trigger others. I can't beat myself up for getting triggered and I'm not going to beat up anyone else for forgetting to put a trigger icon on it. No worries Pegasus. Stuff happens sometimes, just like in the 3D world. We'll get through. It's all good. Take good care. You are cared for here.

(((((((((((((((((wanttoheal)))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((Pegasus)))))))))))))))))))))

thankyou both for being so understanding ..... Kerry xoxoxoxoxo

edited to add trigger icon