i need to play....

i need to play bur feel safe. i wondered if i could play here for a while. just plant some seeds with my spade and put some grass cuttings into plant pots. then sit them on my swing.... i really need a safe place now away from people. i will play quietly if i can have some soil i have my own spade. i am only just being allowed out and it has to be safe. i am wearing a white dress and white socks and white shoes. please let me play here because it feels like iam away from everything and i can talk here.

i have a lor of secrets. i like to tell them to my mouse micky. he has red and white spotty ears and long black wiskers. he always hears my secrets. i wont bother any adults if i can just stay here for a while. i have to tell my secrets so that big kerry can look after me the lady said today she said to look after me because i was crying. my name is treasure my daddy calls me treasure. i am still crying because i can see him in a black jacket and a dicky bow and mummy is on top of him with no clothes on and daddy is away with work. i try to shut my eyes but it wont go away i feel scared so i'll just plant seeds. the lady said it would be alright to speak here were it is safe.

This is a perfect spot to sit and be safe. We're glad you're here.

<font color="purple">I brought some flowers for your Garden. Very safe place here. </font>

(((((((((((((kaika)))))))))))))

(((((((((((((wanttoheal))))))))))))))

thankyou so so much. i had therapy today and have started work on the kerry who has been 'frozen' in time or so my t says. the thing s i know i am writing this stuff, it is co consciousness .... but i find it easier to talk how i feel deep inside, how i want to talk, like a little girl to get the feelings out ..... my t says this is fine as long as i feel safe.

i have had a lot of sad feelings today as i was telling t about flashbacks, new ones and dreams etc .... she says little kerry needs to be nurtured. i hope this makes sense. after i posted this i went to sleep i was so tired.

thankyou once again and thankyou for the ,lovely flowers, much love and many hugs, Kerry xxx

i feel a little insecure right now ... and because i've been so positive all week i feel a bit of a let down ... i feel a bit overwhelmed. we are going down to my parents in law tomorrow morning, staying with them over night then going to look at property for my daughter to rent at uni .... sometimes it's nice to post here where it's peaceful ... i can just go back to being little and not worry or a while .... i feel i have to be the big grown up adult now looking after my daughters interests ... and what if i cry or get emotional or something..... oooooooohhhhhh

we're sharing the driving too and my huby is a terrible back seat driver .... stress ......

on top of all that my daughter keeps saying she can't wait to go and live down there which is great but i feel she wants to get away from me or something, this is my insecurity i know and i don't say anything ..... i wish i had a mum to call up or have a cuddle from right this minute .... i'm sorry if i let anyone down tonight after being positive, i know it will pass, just feeling a little sad and confused ..... my t this week says i'm in conflict with little kerry ecause everything is coming back, all the pieces in the jigsaw ..... sorry if i'm in the wrong place posting this ..... i know it sounds silly but it's like a thread within a thread and it just feels that bit safer .... i'm so stupid i know just going to sit in the cornerthe garden behind a bush for a while ..... i would appreciate any hugs going spare too

thankyou for listening.... treasure/jinny

(((((((((((((( treasure/jinny )))))))))))))))

hi jinnyann you are not stupid.... safe and gentle

(((((((((((((jinny))))))))))))))
Wanting or needing to post here in the garden isn't silly or stupid. I think you're in a fine place here. Everything does sound pretty overwhelming and it's understandable that you are struggling.

Sit and rest in the garden, plant some flowers, just be. We're here with you.

funny thing is, when i'm expected to be al grown up just lately i go into this kind of withdrawal state where i need to nurture myself ..... but i don't know how. i havent got that far with t yet...... usually i have to put on this act like i'm fine..... i've always managed it before but i'mstruggling withit right now .... and my daughter and hubby need me to be ok for the next couple of days .... i know i'll come back from Brighton in a real tizzy..... if i can just et through this ......

Jin/treasure xx please be with me grandad ......

{{{{{treasure/jinny}}}}} you will be fine, don't worry,

take this with you

((((((((((((((((Zorah)))))))))))))))))

thankyou, so cute!!!!!! huggies xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

want to curl up on grandads knee

he's the only one who really loves me

gives me cuddles, strokes my hair

i feel so safe when he is there.

Alas he died when i was just sixteen

ever since my life has been

a struggle without his loving care

that man was my angel i truly swear.

And now alone without his love

a message i send to him above

i miss you bonny lad so much

what I'd give for just one more touch

of your hand in mine, your twinkly eyes

i see you in the starry skies

feel you in the gentle breeze

do you here me crying with my head on my knees?

Do you hear me calling you

can you really help me through

the tought times now and those that lie ahead?

Are you next to me when i'm full of dread?

I miss you sweet grandad, always will

losing you was a bitter pill,

you left me here i was all alone

my heart still greiving, heavy like a stone.

Today i need you all over again

to cuddle away all my aching pain,

Oh what I'd give to see you now

i'd give anything to hear you somewhere somehow .....




love you grandad Guthrie .....from your Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

{{{{{jinny}}}}}

somewhere, sometime,
we all will meet
beyond the rainbow bridge...
your grandpa will be waiting there
& so will our dead kids

we have seen them
waiting there
to greet us as we turn
into our next reality
they're there to help us learn

they wait for all their loved ones
& when we all arrive
we go together
to that next
level of alive

ONWARDS & UPWARDS !!!!!!

(((((((((((((((((((love you Zorah))))))))))))))))))))

thankyou sweetie, loved your poem .... i know he will be waiting, sometimes i just can't wait .... Jinny/treasure xoxoxoxoxxo

crying, frustrated .... no no no .....he wont ever change..... he wont. Men like him are not good they are very bad very very bad putting me to sleep in front of mummy touching me in front of others in the light when its dark out he washed me there in front of others, i remember him touching me and he shouldn't be ... and everyone can see and she's letting him. i feel so ashamed so ashamed i want to run away. now he's run away from the police noone knwos were he is noone. not ever ever ever ever will i forgive him. he still does it to others my mummy took a lift with him had a van full of children still.

please please just sit with me under this tree were noone can see me. i am so asheamed. please i want wm please someone fetch wm i need to sit with wm noone else. where are you wm ..... my friend ....... treasure needs you.

jinny babe, do you want to go to chat ?

(((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))

many things I'm thinking of
but can't say any of them

(((((((((((((((((jinny)))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))))

I hope you feel better today,
I hope your pain goes away,
We'll hold you tight with love and care,
And chase away all your despair,
In the garden, amongst the trees,
You're free to do as you please.

((( Treasure / Jinny )))

Griffe you helped my pain go away

with all the help you've given today

thankyou my friend with all my heart

without my friends my day couldn't start .


((((((((((((Griffe)))))))))))))))))