I am so, so confused, disoriented, etc.

Someone sent me an e-mail tonight and asked how I've been doing. She and I haven't talked in maybe a week? or two?

And my mind is BLANK. Like, I don't know how I've been doing, what I've been doing, etc. I could go look at my calendar for a general idea of what activities my kids have done lately. I could look back at my PC posts to see what's been up. But I am all blank and it's scary.

Does anyone know what's going on? I did have something very, VERY stressful happen to me this evening that immediately sent me back into an old trauma,and I've been really scared and having flashbacks all night. My head is killing me.

I'm so confused. And I'm pretty scared.

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((((earthmama)))))))))))))
I'm so sorry that you are struggling right now. I understand not knowing and when I first started becoming aware of it, it was definitely startling. The nice thing I have found is that I can often backtrack now and find out what I've done. I don't generally read sent emails because that freaks me out too much, but I do go back and read incoming emails to see if that gives me clues and I go back and read posts to find information there, even if all I can say is "okay, I was obviously on my computer that night." I also look at calendars and post-its, etc to recreate my days if I can.

I think stress definitely is a HUGE factor in it. The more stressed I am, the more I am unable to stay present and therefore the less memory I have of things I've done. I think it's a pretty normal thing for everyone.

I remember one time my T and I were talking and she was having some pretty stressful stuff going on. She said when her emotions are high, there goes her memory. She does not have a dissociative disorder at all. I asked if everyone has that. She said probably not everyone, but a lot of people react to high emotions and stress that way.

I hope things calm down for you soon earthmama. I know it can be somewhat disheartening to not know what's going on sometimes.

[Fuzzybear]

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[Kiya]

Dunno EM, like W2H said, is probably stress. I get like that too. Try to breathe and not attach too much to it.... let it simmer down. In panic it is hard to think clearly.
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Thanks for your help. I do think it's very triggered by stress for me. There is a lot I'm still trying to figure out.

[pachyderm]

There are links between what we are today and traumas we experienced before. A stress today can cause us to fall back to a previous state of distress. One way of coping is to blank everything out, if no better way can be found to deal with it.

[kimmydawn]

You're not alone, hon.

I saw those days years ago...prior to PC but could still experience them from time to time. I'm one who even had a documented fugue. I understand and you're not alone.

This kind of thing is one reason that online communications are so good for me. I always have, in black and white, any interactions and words I've had.

All that said, my dissociation is next to none now. However, it wasn't always that way and my confidence, though better, isn't the greatest.

The written word is best for us all the way around, I think.

Is there a way that you can "send through the grapevine" to jot down things here and there throughout the day so you're not completely in the dark right now?

Good luck, sweetie.

KD