On Tuesday night i had to gointo hospital with this stupid pain in my left side. The pain was excutiating and they eventually put me on morphine .....

A scan showed that therewasno cyst on my ovary and a large one hadn't burstthey'd be able to tell. The consultant came in and said your scan was clear and walked out before i had chance to ask him what caused the pain..... at this point i was still on morphine. When it was wearing off i had an anxiety attack, i darent buzz the nurse .... i felt really scared, so i st and sobbed in my room. Eventually someone bought in the sandwiches i'd ordered earlier .... she went to get a nurse.

To cut a long story short i couldn't speakfor sobbing ... i think she thought i was mad! I ended up telling her i was in therapy and that noone had explained about my pain or even been in to see me since the consultant had been. She was really nice and offered to call Tony. I told her i dont like to cause a fuss or press my buzzer when i need pain relief and i was in pain quite bad ..... i just couldn't go up to the desk how stupid am i ...... she gave me a pill to calm me down, gave me more morphine and told me to sleep i was so tired.

The thing is, i was sobbing so hard, i felt like a child in there. i felt they were all thinking i was wasting their time because the scan was clear.... this is what my brain was telling me .... i hope this makes sense, a 43 year old sobbing like that so no words would come out .... i felt so stupid ... i just felt so ignored and confused.

This morning my consultant was a bit more understandng and told me that the ovary had probably bled which had caused the pain ... why couldn't he have said that last night?????? He still wont consider taking it out just yet so i may have to go thru this whole scenario again....... only now i'm scared to go in hospital ...... that anxiety attack last night was the worst ever ...... this morning they never bought me water or breakfast and i thought (me being me)they were punishing me for wasting ther time,but they'd missed out the room by mistake .... this is the way my brain works ..... why am i so stupid ....

I have an appointment in 8 weeks .... i am still in pain but not so bad ....

sorry this was so long, just needed to get it out .... Jin

[purplebutterfly]

(((((((((((jinnyann)))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))))))

im not good... i am going over and over what happened ... i feel so stupid .... they were all laughing at me....i was sobbing so loud and trying not to..... i'm so worried about this pain ...

it's like noone has time to care anymore .... the nurse said she understood, but she probably thought i was an idiot ....

i wish i could go to sleep and wake up when i feel better

[purplebutterfly]

awww jinny.....im sure the nurse didn't think that you are stupid..YOU ARE NOT STUPID....you are a loving and caring person - all the anxiety of the hospital has got you stressed out- try to take some time for yourself-maybe a warm bath and some relaxing music will help.
((((((jinny))))))

[Lenny]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
jinnyann said:
the nurse said she understood,

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

But maybe she did...they do get very intimate with pain..of all sorts.

I'm so sorry Jin that you are in this pain..and it seems that it is something that can and will be treated successfully.

Again, with so many things in our lives,,it is the waiting. Always the waiting..this time for your healing to begin and the pain to subside..

So familiar to all of us,,this waiting.

With care,

Lenny

[pegasus]

(((((((((((( jinnyann ))))))))))))))

It is very stress being in hospital, please try not to beat yourself up about the reaction you had in there.

Next time you are in hospital make sure that it is written in your notes that you suffer from anxiety and are currently in therapy.

Also, if you know you are going into hospital take some distractions with you, something to read and a cuddly toy helps.

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((jinnyann)))))))))))))
It sounds like it was pretty scary for you. I'm so sorry you had to go through that without anyone familiar with you.

I know it can be frustrating and scary to be in pain and the Drs not know what is wrong with the body. I hope they are able to resolve this for you soon.

I think purplebutterfly and pegasus have some wonderful ideas for nurturing. Maybe also a good movie and a snuggly blanket too.

I hope you feel better very soon jinny.
Take care

[Kiya]

=( Hun, I just went through this exact same thing last week, too. ((((((((((((Jinnyann)))))))))))))))))
It does feel like one has been abandoned - they leave you in there and don't come back for hours. I also cried and was alone there and dissociated on the scan, and switched several times in the 5.5 hours i was there. I am still having pain =( these things take time. I did tell the male nurse up front that I was THIS close to a panic attack and he sent someone else to deal with me *grin*.

What are the chances that the staff really weren't laughing at you? Do you know for sure? Our brains sometimes take painful senarios and apply other info to them that really didn't go there. =( All kinds of emotions and fears come up for all people in the hospital - it is quite normal.
I hope you're alright!!!!
Thinking about you!
Kiya

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( jinnyann ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you were scared and I hope you're feeling better.

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((jinnyann)))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry that you went thruogh such a scary experience. I can understand that you may feel strange about your reactions but it is not unusual and the nurse was probably telling you the truth when she said she understood. They also understand the fear and the feelings of abandonment. I just am so sorry that you had to experience it. I hope you are feeling better now and the pain is subsiding.

BB

[sabby]

((((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))))))

So very sorry to hear of your very yucky experience in hospital. Things can be so scary especially when you are in pain and don't know what in the world is going on.

One thing I would like to point out here too that may have helped contribute to your experience is that there are 2 side effects(amoung many) of morphine which are confusion and anxiety. If you are prone to anxiety to begin with, the morphine probably exacerbated that anxiety and of course the confusion probably set in as well to make it seem as though everything was worse than it should have been.

I say this so that if there is another time when you have to go back to hospital for pain and they give you morphine, please let them know that it makes your anxiety so much worse and to please give you something to counteract that reaction.

I hope you are feeling better today hon.


sabby

thankyou all for being so nice and thankyou for explaining about the Morphine Sabby... trouble is, each time i go in to the hospital, noone reads my notes, they didn't even realise i had a hysterectomy ... i had to explain 3 times to each doctor i dont have periods anymore ......

the thing that upsets meis, i used to be able to stick up for myself. This time i felt so weak. i FELT like a child ... i couldn't tell the consultant how i felt. The way i was crying in front of that nurse made me embarrassed ... a 43 year old woman doesn't act that way .... i just ... couldn't get my words out thru sobbing .... i kept saying sorry, she said she would make sure the matron had a word with me in the morning .... i never saw the matron, just the same consultant who said they weren't ruling out taking the ovary away, just needed to make sure it was the ovary casuing the problem ..... i was asked several times if i wanted to see a different consultant, but i dont want to offend anyone .... i keep thinking back to the way i was, upset, and feel such an idiot .... Tony keeps reassuring me he isn't sick of me ..... i just feel like i am one big pain in the *** ..... it's in my notes that i suffer with anxiety, but they never bother reading notes ..... maybe if i go in again they should give me a brain transplant ..... i cant even describe to you guys how i'm really feeling right now.....

sorry to go on so long .... Jin

[sabby]

jinny.....who says a 43 yr old doesn't sob like you did and feel anxious and upset like you did? I don't care what age we are, we all have our breaking points and fear and anxiety on top of very strong drugs can increase those reactions and feelings.

It is not unusual that you will have to repeat your medical history to each and every doctor/nurse/consultant no matter what is in your records. While it would be wonderful if they could read and remember every detail about every patient, it truly is something that cannot be done, especially when you are seeing different health care workers and it's not your same doctor/nurse all the time.

My suggestion to you the next time you find yourself having to go to the ER or the hospital is to have in writing your diagnosis, a list of medications you are on and why (many meds while for specific things can be used for other reasons), your emergency contact names and phone numbers along with your primary care doctors name and phone number. List anything else you feel is important to your care and how you wish to be cared for. You can also list the previous surgeries/dates as well. When you find yourself upset and cannot talk, you can hand that info to them to read.

Sometimes it's all in the planning hon....being prepared for this kind of thing to happen will help reduce your anxiety when you have it all written out on one page and can hand it to the healthcare worker. This was a rotten experience for you, but you have the opportunity to turn it around and use it as a learning experience to help yourself the next time.


sabby

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( jinny ))))))))))))))))))

The first thing they ask you is your medical history when you go in ... Tony told them everything ..... even if i went in with a list of everything,, they still dont look, it's how it is i'm afraid Sabby ..... it's on the notes at the bottom of the bed that i have a cyst on my ovary,he asked me why i was in.... it's a learning curve every time i go in to be honest.Even the nurses moan about the consultants and how patronising they are..... in the department i was in so many nurses have left due to being treated so badly by the consultants ..... moral is so low .... but you're right about the therapy thing .... but their answer would be 'well this is a gynae ward not psychiatric .... '

((((((((((((Sabby)))))))))))))))))))))I'm so sick of griping, i'm sorry .....

[sabby]

Honey....not to worry....

One other thing I have found with doctors and nurses is that they ask why you are there....they know...but they ask to make sure that YOU know why you are there..it's a way of them evaluating YOU to make sure that you understand why you are there and what is going on. I know it feels stupid to have to hear them ask over and over....I understand that .... breathe hon...breathe......

[thelostone]

((((((((((jinny))))))))))

i'm sorry you had a bad experience. i just hope they can find the source and fix the pain for you. don't know about the uk, but over here, many times when there is pain they put people on a special IV that they can just push the button on and get a small booster dose of morphine when needed. it is set so that you can only get so many, so you can't hurt yourself. you might ask about that and see if maybe they could use that for you, then you wouldn't have to ask when you are in pain.

wish i could be more help, but you are not stupid, and i do the same with the crying. i get so anxious all i can do is cry, this makes me more anxious, which makes me cry harder.

hugs
lost

((((((((thelostone)))))))))))))))

they give out the morphine in small doses when you've had an operation over here .... i had one with the hysterectomy ....

i'm going to have a word with my doc about all of this when he comes back from his holiday......

ty for caring, Jin xoxoxoxoxo