[___Shadow___]

Me again, although I don’t chat much on here anymore I lurk, I wish I have something to offer but I don’t, I’m in a really bad place. I will figure it out but I was hoping to ask another question that really doesn’t make sense here except my sides are pulling me so hard in either direction, I can’t think at all. Question is: Is it ever o.k. to let your husband Yell at your kids? I know I know, I’m going to go down as the stupidest question asker but none the less, part of me believes god will be very upset with me if I do something, and part of me says, Kick him square in the ___, ya know. I know but I don’t know. Grrrr!!! I’m hoping my other side will read this and see your responses to actually have the courage to stop this. He yells so hard, I’ve asked him ‘what do you have left to punish them with if they do something really bad, like if they crash the car, …there’s no way you could yell louder, so what then’? :Thanx:

[pachyderm]

I can assure you that yelling is not good for the (child's) soul. Not meant in a religious way, but I know how I reacted to that and have seen how other children react. It is very frightening to a child to have that done by a parent. How to correct that from a husband is another question...

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((((___Shadow___))))))))))))
I think everyone has something to offer here. I understand lurking though. I've done a lot of that in my time here. Just post as you feel safe enough to.

As far as yelling, it's not the best solution for sure. Unfortunately a lot of people do it because they haven't learned either how to regulate their emotions or to deal with things in a different way. If it's affecting your children adversely (and it would most children over a period of time, in my opinion) and it's happening a lot without resolution, then I'd say something needs to be done.

[Kendyll]

Lurking's OK. I don't have many answers, but i do have a lot of questions usually. That's how we learn stuff - by watching, reading and asking. It's cool to me!

I'm not going to say that yelling is "never" ok because there is no "never" or "always". But I will say I disagree with it. Yelling doesn't teach anyone anything - except maybe that yelling is OK. And where is yelling ever OK? Not in the office, not at the gas station, not at school. And most of the yelling I've witnessed is usually hurtful words. In addition to being hurtful, it's just not very effective. I mean...Yelling at people doesn't help them understand the WHY something was wrong, and it doesn't help them understand how to do whatever it is any better. Discipline IS important, but discipline isn't the same thing as punishment and it's REALLY not the same thing as yelling.

[MINIME]

I have three kids now. I "yell" every once in a while. I dont scream or say mean things to them..Its usually when i am at the end of my rope. I just usually yell stop or one word thing. Being a parent is hard. I think for me the kids are so loved that a slip every once in a while doesnt really hurt them. I try not to but every once in a while....

[MINIME]

today i yelled "MY NAME IS NOT BUT MOM!!!!" because all day long its been but mom.....

[thelostone]

yelling does not solve anything, all it does is cause fear. now i am talking about younger kids here, teenagers occasionally need a raised voice to get their attention. but even then it should never be belittling or verbally abusive, just enough to get the attention so that problems can be discussed in a civil manner.

lost

[multipixie9]

(((((Shadow))))

When parents yell a lot, children stop listening. Yelling is not effective because it is out of control. Children need the parents to keep control so everybody stays safe.

Some people even learn to speak very quietly, reward children for listening and responding and have negative consequences for not listening.

I do not know how to suggest you get the spouse to stop yelling, but maybe you could help him see how it works against him. It shows the kids you do not listen to dad until he gets ".......THIS......." LOUD!!!!

You are correct to question yelling at the kids. It is not good discipline.

Leslie and Her Pixies

[___Shadow___]

Ya i believe a few louder words are o.k. to get a point across but what my kids are going thro is so unfair. Your all so right and helpful!
I keep telling him being positive breeds more positive which i truely believe in. He's Negative,angry, cheap, swears, never helps, grrr what wrong with me, i put up with this for so long, i put my kids thro this and for what? I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I've been crying to almost 2 years because of the above traits and he's lazy. I used to think, well on day when i really need him he'll help me, well that day/year came and gone with nothing!