[Kendyll]

In addition to our daily life with Jon's alters, there's been an increase in another dissociative(?) symptom. He's having flashbacks.

They aren't always bad flashbacks - one of them last night was about chasing fireflies with his youngest son. But good or bad, the result is the same - he's "gone", no longer in reality. Somewhere else, somewhen else, and I never know what the next memory will bring. About all I know how to do is to hold him and wait for him to come back. Sometimes he can hear me or see me, sometimes he can't.

Does this happen to anyone else here?
Or should I take this to another discussion?

I wish I had someone to take care of me back when I was really sick.

[wanttoheal]

Hi Kendyll,
Has Jon been able to get to a therapist yet? I think flashbacks are a pretty normal part of dissociative disorders. Any that I am aware of going through are not so pleasant and they affect me for a while in a negative sense until I can pull myself out and put them away again. I don't have awareness when other parts are out so I don't know about anything else, I'm sorry.

Sounds like you are supportive and that's the best thing I would think.

Hope that helps some.

[JudeeB]

Flashbacks for me were the way memories started to surface. I could only handle a little at a time. Dreams were sometimes a part of it too.

He is lucky to have you as a support person. You seem so loving and accepting.

I've known many folks with DID and they all talked about flashbacks.

So, I believe it is often part of the process.

((((Kendyll))))

Judy

[multipixie9]

Kyndall,

I saw what you printed below your last post. I know that most of the time when you post here it is about being there for Jon and alts. Do you have anyone who is there for you in a supportive way??? It really seems to me that part of you is wishing you could be supported and wishing that you had been supported when things were so hard for you.

If you are going to be support for Jon, long-term, you need to think about getting some help for yourself. We multiples are complex, intense and wounded people. It honestly takes a team effort to help someone who is DID without getting burned out or drained dry.

I am speaking from personal experience. I know that my healing journey at times has been even harder because my support was not very ample to the needs. I also had to learn to not burn my supporters out by being too needy or too time/labor intensive.

When one person is badly hurt, attention goes to that person and the healthy person steps aside to allow the wounded person to be helped. However, when the care for the hurt member is long-term, the healthy member needs to find a way to keep their own personal tank filled.

So, please take good care of yourself, for yourself and for Jon and Co.

Leslie and the Pixies

[thelostone]

:Good-Post:

you can't ignore your own needs. you need to take some time to take care of you.

lost

[Kendyll]

Thanks, everybody!
No, he doesn't have a T yet. He went one place and they did an evaluation, but he's still lost in the paperwork jungle when it comes to actual treatment. It makes sense that this would be a part of the course. I've read some stuff that suggests that some cases of DID are related in some way to PTSD, and that adds up to 100 for him...and it makes sense there would be flashbacks.

I just don't know what to DO. He's still learning how to tell when something IS about to happen, and until he can identify the start of an episode, I can't think of much we can do to calm it. I guess the best i can do is stay with him and make sure that he's safe, that he doesn't hurt himself (or anyone else). My neighbor across the street is "in" on this with us, and she's promised to keep an eye out for him when I'm not home.

I don't know WHY things seem to be getting worse...unless...he's safe now. I wonder...maybe more of this is coming to the surface because it's safe for him to feel it all now. Kinda the way i can be really good in a crisis, then after it's over I fall to pieces. Maybe it's like all the pressure that's been building up from trying to deal with this alone is just finally blowing the roof off...?

I don't know. I just know i love him. He's really supportive of me, too. There are a lot of ways that I'm not really functional either, and he's good at taking care of those. Put us together and you've got one really bright, functional person...

I understand better than some people I guess. I'm not sick the same way, but I'm not the poster child for sanity/normalcy either. Maybe that's why I'm a little sad sometimes. Back before I began treatment, back when I was still sick, I didn't have anyone who really understood. I had people who cared about me and loved me, but they didn't understand and they didn't really help. I mean, I guess they helped. I was never sent to the hospital, even though I probably should have been. But the guy who tied me to the couch when I was psychotic wasn't doing me any favors, either. My folks never took my sickness seriously (but they gave me some of it to begin with!). I never had a BF who could really understand. Nobody who wanted to be part of my solution...and in some ways, I feel like i missed out. I don't get to be that sick anymore, I can't do it. Therapy, meds, therapy, meds - The worst is under control for me now. But I wish I had known someone who would hold me while reality wavered and splintered before my very eyes, hold me while I cried or dissociated or shifted. But that's a little of this with Jon. He deserves the care that I never got. I KNOW something like what he's going through, and I'm determined that this wonderful man shouldn't have to do this alone.

I've got good support around me. My neighbors are like family (only better). I'm active in AA and in a few mental health support groups. Jon is a loving partner and great support in most other ways. Even the people I work with know about me and look out for me. The only thing rough is that I can't see MY T for a while. My insurance visits ran out and I'm too behind on bills to afford the full-cost appointments yet. *sigh*

Thanks for listening. You all are great - so strong and brave. (And I mean ALL - alters are brave, too!) I know we'll get through this...I just get tired and scared sometimes.

[multipixie9]

Kendyll,

I feel better concerning you because you told us all of this. It gives us a better picture of how things are for you. I am so sorry you did not have the kind of support you are giving Jon. I totally get that, I never got much support and the few who did try to be kind didn't understand and so sometimes they hurt me while trying to help. I hope you can get lots of additional support until you can go back to your T. Sometimes we do get while we give and I certainly hope that happens for you because you sure help Jon. Hugs and Friendship,

Leslieann