[Rhapsody]

Has any one else found that they help an alter heal when they allow that part of their hurt to be heard by people in real life?

I am asking as it appears to me that all my last alter really wants is to "BE HEARD" - then the problem is no more, it literally losses it hold on us.

FREEDOM comes to those that SPEAK.

[jeNeTeConnaisPas]

I've found that letting my alter talk to a woman who understands and believes what we're going through, (DID), and whenever he can be openly "himself" and talk to her about whatever troubles him, he's less likely to be self destructive. This particular alter has a borderline personality, and when he has an outlet to talk to someone in real life, and not just me, he's much happier and doesn't hurt himself nearly as much, or act as impulsively.

[Rhapsody]

Thanks for the reply.

I find that if I (the person I am Carolyn) just talks about the inner issues that my alter holds or knows of to some one in real life... then she is more willing to let the subject go after twenty some years of hurting from it.

(ex)
Like when I had feelings of wanting to leave my husband / thought about getting a divorce, but never told any one of these feelings, my alter was more likely to suffer from the inner pains that brought these feelings of hate out in me.

But now - after telling my sister-in-law (last yr) that my husband and I was thinking about ending it, my alter has since let the issue go and I am no longer torn between two feelings toward my husband.... I am free to love him.

I feel like she just wants to be heard..... some thing no one ever gave us a child, not even the courts that was to protect us when our mother / step-father failed.

[multipixie9]

Rhapsody,

I sympathize with you and the alters that need to be heard. I think there is a deep human need for connection and validation through being heard and/ or accepted.

I have wanted certain people in my life to "hear" me and thus validate the fact that I really did suffer, that some bad things really did happen to me and I'm not just a whiney person who wants everyone to feel sorry for her.

I can't say for sure, but maybe some alts just need to be acknowledged and heard and then they can let go of some old hurts. However, it may be possible that they need that validation and then at a somewhat later time these alts may need to be heard again to go deeper into healing something or that being heard was not all they needed for the long-run.

I hope you find the help, hope and kindness you need. There are a number of encouraging and supportive people here who do help each other.

Hugs,

Leslieann/Pixies

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((((Rhapsody)))))))))))) Good to see you here.

I think that makes a lot of sense. T said a big part of her job is validating parts of me. I think it's true that if we did not have that growing up, it really affects who we are today. It would make sense that when we are heard, then we can work on putting away things that are stuck in our present.

[Kiya]

yeah... after 5 years of an alter SIing on the body, she finally was able to be sharing space with us w/o hurting or threatening us - all because she was finally able to process some really scary stuff and cry it out. then she got to experience safety yesterday at the dr's - a definate first for her feeling safety around anyone - and had more crying/releasing from that.

[multipixie9]

That is so good, Kiya. I know that sometimes I just crave being heard, being validated that it was what it was and it did hurt me. I don't expect anyone to undo it or to carry me through life - I just want to be heard and NOT denied/disbelieved. I did go through the things I've said; I do not lie. So, please just believe me....(this is what I sometimes wish to say to people in my life - not directed at you here, ok?)

Leslie and team