[multipixie9]

Hi Everybody,

I have a new friend I met a while back. I've enjoyed getting to know her and she's allowed me the freedom to tell her my story with DID and she is very accepting.

Recently she emailed me with a history of a friendship she had, but had to let go due to the other person being too self-absorbed, so much so that they were no real friend - more of what I'd call a "User", someone who takes all they can and then moves on to syphon life from someone else.

At the risk of sounding "self-absorbed" I'm wondering if her story has a moral for me. Am I like that "self-absorbed" person who's "friendship" she's had to drop for her own recovery and peace of mind???

I know that I've struggled for a long time with my issues and the process leads to introspection if not open "self-absorption". Can anyone tell me how to know if I "am" that person or if my friend was just telling me about something that was giving her grief the day she wrote me???

Any insights on this would be appreciated. I have been socially isolated for the longest time ever before in my experience and I need to do something if I am getting so self-centered. Thanks All!

Leslie

[Kendyll]

Could you ask her what she meant? Or ask her about the story? Or maybe even say "Hey, if I get too wrapped up in my stuff, could you let me know?"

I hate asking people things like that, but it's the only way for me to be sure what's going on. Most of the time, it turns out that I'm OK, and the other times, we get a chance to talk about whatever I'm not seeing.

I'm glad you've got a friend who can accept you! that's very, very cool.

I would definitely ask her directly about it.

[JudeeB]

I have read your posts to others and I see you as an encourager and a compassionate listener. I don't think a self-absorbed person would come across like that at all.

I think you are kind and caring!

Judy

I just wanted to second what JudeeB said.

I would ask her directly myself IF IT WERE ME, because that is the sort of thing I can start to obsess about and make myself crazy (crazier!!)

[lost_star]

Hey, have you considered going back to the history of your conversations and re-reading them, just to see how much you're benefiting from them and then how much she is... Like look at who gets talked about more, and if it is you, try writing her a letter, telling her you never noticed it before but her letter to you made you question, so you're writing to apologise to her, and ask if she can point it out to you if you become to self-absorbed during conversation. If she is interested in being your friend and really being a true friend, then she wont mind helping! Hope this helps!
Best of Luck...

[Fuzzybear]

I don't think you're self absorbed, but kind, empathic and caring... I think she was talking about someone else. I'd take what she said at face value as it sounds like she's a good friend.
But there's nothing wrong with asking her if the doubts keep creeping in..

[multipixie9]

Thank you all SO much,

I will take your suggestions and do them. Asking beats "guessing" any day. I felt that first twinge of insecurity and as EarthMama put it it is better to find out than drive myself crazy with obsessing on it. Phew! I feel better.

Thanks for the kind things you all have said, I do want to be a good listener and have compassion - we sure all do need that at times!!!

((((((Kendyll))))) (((((((EarthMama)))))) ((((((JudeeB)))))) and

(((((FuzzyBear))))) Thanks also for modelling compassion and kindness!

Leslie's issue, not the Pixies today! =) ----->

[multipixie9]

Thanks Lost Star,

Those are great suggestions as well, I appreciate them. I value this friendship and want to keep it. She really is someone who matters to me!

Also, welcome to PC. There are lots of great people here to get to know.

Leslie

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((multipixie))))))))))))) I think you are very kind and considerate.

[pegasus]

Ditto to the above! On the first page.

(((((((( multipixies )))))))))