No! No! No! No!

puts hands up to ears while shaking head and yelling "No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!"

too far

Zen , Hon whats wrong? Can I help you somehow ? Please let me know ok?

Hugz~
Tryin

((((((Zen)))))) Gentle bearhugs from Fuzzanator (if ok)

zh,

i'm not gonna hug ya right now hon. i don't think they feel safe for you right now.

you can p.m. me if you need to talk. say what you need to say...

i'm here for you right now.

kd

We do not know what you are saying nooooooo about but we hope what ever is causing so much panic will go away or at least slow down for you. Do not forget to breathe in and breathe out slowly a couple times too. Praying for you that you will be blessed and safe.

now what'dyido?

sorry I em\\\\ oops messed up Hope you're doing ok now.

I'm sorry you're not feeling too great, zen.

Hope you feel better soon.

the little semaphore waving fella reminds me of Monty Python's Semaphore Version of Wuthering Heights which makes me smile as it is a dreadfully dumb funny skit.

zh,

glad you're smiling

kd

Hey Zen, glad to see a smile. Hope you are feeling more solid.

Hope you're doing better! You can write me anytime.
Love,
RhysMadison

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Hon whats wrong? Can I help you somehow ? Please let me know ok?
Hugz~

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Thanks for the support and hugz Tryin.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
((((((Zen)))))) Gentle bearhugs from Fuzzanator (if ok)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> The hugs are quite okay Fuzzanator. Thank you for offering them up so freely.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
((((((((((((Zen))))))))))))))) Let us help when you are ready to talk about it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Ozzie--You have such a gentle way of being present that is non threatening. I am grateful for that. I wish I had the words ready to talk. Not just yet I guess.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
i'm not gonna hug ya right now hon. i don't think they feel safe for you right now.
you can p.m. me if you need to talk. say what you need to say...
i'm here for you right now.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Thanks kd. At the time I wrote that I didn't have any sense of safety. You're perceptive to sense that hugs sometimes do not feel safe. Fortunately I do realize the healing power of safe touch and am able to get that through to all levels upon occasion. Thanks for reading the confused PMs.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
We do not know what you are saying nooooooo about but we hope what ever is causing so much panic will go away or at least slow down for you. Do not forget to breathe in and breathe out slowly a couple times too. Praying for you that you will be blessed and safe.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> skylrks--you were very helpful to remind us of the breathing techniques. Often when we need that the most we're most unable to muster up the energy to use that as a helpful coping mechanism. Thank you for your prayers for safety. I am indeed blessed to have people thinking kind things our way.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Hope you're doing ok now.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Thanks Sky. Your semaphore dude got me smiling at a time when I didn't think it was possible. Thank you for that. I am better than when that post was written. I only wish I had more insight to better understand things when my mind isn't my own.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I'm sorry you're not feeling too great, zen.
Hope you feel better soon.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Thanks for the good wishes silver_queen. Time does bring healing. Not always understanding but healing nonetheless.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Hey Zen, glad to see a smile. Hope you are feeling more solid.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Wisewoman---without laughter or smiles I do not think a single person could survive these illnesses or disorders. You have to find the humour in situations otherwise the darkness wins. I'll take Simpsons or Python any day for a guaranteed laugh!
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Hope you're doing better! You can write me anytime.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Thanks RhysMadison. I'm glad you're back from holiday. I did send you PM (I think).......memory ain't so great at moment.

I am humbled by the generosity of kindness shown by all of you. Thank you for helping when it feels like I'm/we're beyond help.

zh,

i'm always here for you.

kd

Zen, where are you sweetie?

sigh. yw

zh,

I'm here for you hun,

Fuzzy

right here sweetie! I've been brain boggled and having tremendous difficulty with communication. working hard in therapy and it is not easy to let go of what you cannot understand.

basically I feel I'm not making sense so I've been quiet here. My brain is trying to get some thoughts together on a few matters and it is stalling and sputtering.

thank you to you and kd and fuzz and sky for so kindly being here. I just wish I had words or some way of expressing what is happening. meh.

this is what it is like inside for me

Auntie zen we love you big much and hopes you feelin better
Amy

sometimes there are simply no words. I understand that Zen. No fun but sit through it. Glad to see you.

TC.

Gonna reply to own thread as there were responses removed when a mass delete happened. This is OUR life/lives and we need to be able to look back and see what happened when and not have OUR reality shaped by the actions of others.

It is important to OUR healing to have times and dates to attach to words. Much has changed in our life/lives since this thread was last responded to back in January but to be able to look over those past ten months is part of OUR healing journey.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Anonymous
(Unregistered)
01/06/05 12:41 am
Re: No! etc.
Thank you to everyone for such kind support. I still lack the words to express what is going on so that is part of why I've been quiet lately.

Today was first day I can remember in long time (but my memory is on the fritz so who knows......ya know?! ) that I left therapy and didn't lose hours of time!

I could have used some dissociating as I spent four or so hours in wet conditions of Bay Area---we're Californians and we can't drive in rain eek!---traffic. Would have loved to have been anywhere else but driving.

At least I heard my governor's State of the State speech while shifting between first and second and first and.............ad infinitum. Felt like I had used that time wisely by listening. Haven't read much news lately so this was an indulgence.

It was refreshing to remember most of my therapy session and then everything afterwards. Even visited with some good ppl in a few spots around the area.

bonus was housemate threw money at me to pick up dinner on way home from excellent chinese restaurant which meant both of us will eat well for two days.......his treat!! Free healthy food is great in my book!!

The 'no! no! no! no!' part is still present but nowhere near the intensity of whatever date this thread started. Thank you again all for the really beautiful support.

This in some ways helps heal what didn't occur when I was younger. but that is a good sobbing........a healing sobbing.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Fuzzybear
(Elder)
01/07/05 03:13 am
Re: No! etc.
Here are some fuzzy hugs for when you want them (maybe no expiry date but not sure ..)
(((((((((((((((zh))))))))))))))))

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Anonymous
(Unregistered)
01/30/05 12:08 pm
Re: No! etc.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

Here are some fuzzy hugs for when you want them (maybe no expiry date but not sure ..)
(((((((((((((((zh))))))))))))))))

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Fuzzette! I think I'll kindly request a hug or two today if that is possible. I can even handle hugs from a growly bear!

Therapist has been good at shifting a bit more between practical and past so I'm not as 'lost' feeling during and after therapy right now. Then again I missed a day this week due to the whole dang day away!!

The art therapy seems to bring about more of a sense of 'calm' inside even if anger bubbles right under the surface. My portfolio from therapy is one weird body of work. Because journals and artwork from therapy have been destroyed before I now leave most work with therapist and do therapeutic art there in office.

Really need some physical movement too and as scary as that is inside the office it can be so grounding and the play aspect is reassuring to the non adult in me.

Well I'm sure you wanted this detailed ramble Fuzzette!

Thanks hon for support and understanding the nonunderstandable

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Fuzzybear
(Elder)
01/30/05 03:14 pm
Re: No! etc.
The detail is interesting, thanks for sharing it. Your therapist sounds really great and I know how hard you are working..... mega kudos hon!
((((((((((((((((((((zh))))))))))))))))))))

Growls and xoxo

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Anonymous
(Unregistered)
01/31/05 05:52 pm
Re: No! etc.
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

((((((((((((((zh))))))))))))))) More hugs if you want them.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Thank [_____]! I sure as heck need them today. Therapy was bizarro again and I'm spacey but more than anything was a blast from the past e-mail this morning which has thrown me for more than a loop.

Maybe I can exist in denial just a weeeeeeee bit longer?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
silver_queen
(Magnate)
01/31/05 05:58 pm
Re: No! etc.
((((((((((((((zen))))))))))))) sorry to hear you're struggling today

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Anonymous
(Unregistered)
01/31/05 06:23 pm
Re: No! etc.
ty silver_queen. I know things haven't been easy for you either in a while now. I hope we all just keep at it so that we can get to those better days. I posted more about some of today's junk back in the ITL forum.

thanks for the hugs and some back atcha sweetie (((((silver_queen)))))

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
SweetCrusader
(Grand Magnate)
01/31/05 06:51 pm
Re: No! etc.
(((((((zh)))))))) ONLY if wanted
Hang in there, girl!
Angela

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Fuzzybear
(Elder)
01/31/05 10:10 pm
Re: No! etc.
Sorry you're struggling hon ((((((((((((((((((zh))))))))))))))))))

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
RhysMadison
(Veteran Member)
01/31/05 11:09 pm
Hope things go better for you soon. You deserve it! You're in my thoughts.
Love,
RhysMadison

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

October 5th, 2005
We are filled with such gratitude for the support shown so many months back when we were found ourselves so lost at times. If we didn't have some of this stuff printed and saved for journals it would have been wiped away forever! We need our history intact as best possible to figure out how to remain alive in this lifetime.

Validation and consistency is so key to those who grew up with their realities altered by the abuse of others.

there was a sense of HUGE invalidation when we found our posts so chopped.

We're working on it. As _Sky sagely put it </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Our focus here needs to be on how WE - each one of us - are coping.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

((((((((((((((((((zh))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((( zh )))))))))))) (safe growly hugs if ok)

(((((_zh)))))
You were the first one who helped us with PMs & support
We missed you.
We're too scared to look, because we haven't saved any of the threads.
Did ozzie really delete whole threads ??? Not only her own posts ???