[___Shadow___]

my eyes are puffed up from crying so hard and tho I know why I cried so hard- I don't feel that way now
I'm always saying sorry cause I am- but thos were not my words
Tho's words fell from me and I heard some of them so I feel so sorry and an all around horrible person.
I'm hurting my kids by my changes, my moods are horrid, my face doesn't look the same and I say things one time and mean it and then not the other and mean it.
I know I'm flipent, but I love them so dear
today, right now, I feel maybe they would be better off without me till I get better.
Please body change the now to later, feel something but this, this is the worst!!!!!

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((((((Shadow)))))))))))))) I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. Do your children have a therapist? It's hard being what we need to be as moms when we are struggling so much. I hope things settle down for you soon. Please take care.

[multipixie9]

shadow,

someone once told me "a bad mom is better than no mom." that is not talking about an abusive mom, but a mom with struggles. i said, "sorry" an awful lot when my children were growing up and i hated that. i wanted soooo much to be a better mom than the one i had.

bottom line - i WAS a better mom than i had growing up. i did try to be good to them and to apologise when i failed and i kept going to counseling and looking for ways to get better.

just don't give up shadow. be kind to yourself because self-cruelty never made anyone better. tears are there to give relief from overwhelming emotions - so it's good you CAN cry, it took me a long time to get my tears back and i still can't always access them.

shadow, stop being mean to yourself, please!!!!! give yourself some credit for trying, for effort, for courage, for persistence, for kindness to others and probably a bunch of good things you are overlooking in yourself. i care and you are worth as much as any one of us! hugs,

leslie and her pixies