Integration???

Luce · Feb 12, 2009, 02:07 AM

hmmm. I guess I hold atypical views of integration. I think a common mistake of T's and DIDers alike is that they think of alters as separate people. Integration then becomes suggestive of 'losing' alters or merging into one.

To me healing (as opposed to 'integration') means overcoming the dissociative barriers that created the illusion of separateness. It means 'reclaiming the sense of I'. It means getting to know the alters, understanding their stories and histories, and learning to own their experiences, emotions and behaviors. We created the illusion of separateness because one integrated self could not contain the conflicts that were created out of our abuse. Learning to tolerate and resolve those conflicts eliminates the need for separateness. My personal journey with healing has been all about that. Learning to own the whole of myself.

I / we are not there yet. Still have a long way to go. Still have a lot that needs to be held separetely. I guess my personal view of 'integration isn't about losing anything at all, but learning to live with integrity. Just learning to own myself, without the need to split any emotion or knowledge or conflict off separated from the rest.

At least this is *my* perspective. Others within me still feel very much separate and very differently about the whole issue.

Ehh, confusing.

Jewels · Feb 13, 2009, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kaytibear

Let's see. The sage and sweetgrass was burned in a little pot inside the house. It was one of those bundles of it.
I tried very much to make it a safe place for them. Scent can be a helpful way to do that. I put on a chanting cd I use to relax. Then I listened to her. She had much to tell me some of it easy to hear some not. Mostly I felt her pain. She was hurt and not listened to or cared about and told all sorts of nasty things. I couldn't change what happened to her but I could listen now. She was hurting all the time. she didn't understand why she'd been hurt. It was all so fresh for her. At first I didn't integrate her I aged her a little and as I did that and she told her story the pain went away. It wasn't overnight. I had to burn sage and sweetgrass for a few nights as my mind slowly came together.
Burning sage and sweetgrass is supposed to be purifying taking away bad things and inviting in good ones. My little believed being smudged would take the taint off her she felt from the abuse. She believed very much in magical things. It helped me calm her. I actually taught her to meditate. She liked that very much.
My happiness comes from having an ending to flashbacks and not feeling so much pain. I am whole now. I don't feel like a victim so much as a surviver . Happiness comes from the things happening around me and the way I feel inside. I hope this makes sense to you.

Kayti

wow kayti...that is so powerful...we burn sage often because we r na an love the smell an can feel the calm an serenity of the burnin leaves of the sage...an we too believe that it takes the taint of bein bad offa a person. im so glad u explained it like this cuz we have tried but always fell shorta what we wanted ta say...ty for sayin it...
abbi of Jewels

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