surgery this week--anxious

I have surgury this week. nothing major--a "bladder face lift"--haha

seriously, i'm anxious. i'm nervous and scared. all the "oh it's ok" and "it's nothing, i had it" words are welcomed, but that's not it.
it's the giving up control with anesthesia
it's fear of littles getting triggered and coming front (it's happened before and tho we know to put them in their safe playroom and lock the door--it doesn't alway work)
it's fear that i won't wake up.
or that something will go wrong....
tooo many medical shows I guess.
My Dr doesn't know I am DID, nor does she know I am a survivor.....
or have PTSD.....embarrassed to say.....makes me feel less than or that all the nurses will look at me judgingly or treat me with those "kid gloves" for fear I will freak out or something--but what if I do????

I'm trying to breathe, really I am.
I need hugs and understanding and
words from others who have gone thru any kind of surgury and have been ok and no incidences.

oh, our T will be in CA during my surgury time. Won't even have her to talk to if I get anxious or insiders get scared......H will be with me. That's good. Couple RL friends. but no one who really understands the chaos and anxiety right now.
wi

I understand but I have not had surgery since I became coconscious with the inner family.

I had a knee-ligament operation where I was awake but with anesthetic, the equivalent of a couple of glasses of wine. I remember singing to the Docs. I did not have to wake up from a full general anesthetic.

The recovery room might allow a stuffie. Little children likely can have them. You could just say it is absolutely necessary and not give a reason. Check with recovery room nurses well before to see if you can hand them a stuffie in a plastic bag to give to you upon waking.

In any case, you will feel better when all of this is done. Perhaps others have insight into into coming out of the anesthetic, for the wee ones sake.

You may or may not think of people at PC thinking about you, because there will be so much going on at the time and in a groggy state, but it likely is true that someone is.

white iris~

I hear what you are saying. I feel a bit scared every time I have to go under anesthesia for my ECT treatments. I wish I had some comforting words for you but I am not sure what to say. I thinking asking to have a stuffie is a good idea. I wish I had one there everytime I woke up but it is impossible. Know that I will be thinking about you during the week and I look forward to hearing from you when you are home and recoverying.

Hi White Iris…

Surgery is never fun and almost always scary. I’m sorry you need to go through it and I feel your concern about the anesthesia and more keenly the concern for your “littles.”

I had my gall bladder removed in May of last year and everyone did great due to preplanning. Didn’t feel that sharing the DID with surgeon or med staff was necessary. I had excellent care and I don’t think they would have taken any better care of me had they known.

Prior to the procedure, it was important to foster internal cooperation by explaining what was going to happen and letting everyone be a part of the planning. Just in case there were any curious kids, I took “Dan De Dawg” (aka Dandy) for comfort when waking from the anesthetic. I told the nurse he’s a comfort critter for the child in me. She smiled and laughed; but, after the surgery, when I was waking up, I found him tucked securely under my arm. Fortunately, the whole inside family stayed safe and it was me who was happy to have Dandy for comfort.

I hope all goes well with your surgery and I know that you will be able to keep everyone safe until it’s over and while you recuperate. I will be sending warm thoughts and healing vibes your way.

RR

Thanks ((((((Ice S))))))), ((((((Pooh)))))), Rasta(--don't know if you accept hugs.)

My H will be there, so I will see if he can "slip" us our Butchie Tiger. I also have a shawl a dear friend knitted me. That will come also. It's just a one night stay, but that is scary enough. I probly won't remember a thing b'cuz i will be on pain meds.

The Teens and adults know about the surgury. Vicki cares for the littles and she said she will keep them in the playroom--at least try. Protectors will watch also to keep littles inside. our Willow is an escape artist and does get triggered out easily also. She I especially am concerned about. I am being reasurred inside that it will be ok.

I do appreciate the support.

wi

White_Iris,

I have had several surgeries and never told them I was DID. I was treated pretty well - although one time they ripped off my percocet because they claimed that I had "hallucinated". I had NO memory of that and I have had a hallucination from a med before and I DEFINITELY remembered it - it was freaky!!!!!!!!!! arg. BUT....

Here's the real thing I hope you can take it. The hospital staff see all kinds of reactions to meds and stress in people who come in for help. No matter how you behave, they are going to explain it away as a reaction to the chemicals - so prep your inside family as best as you can, then realize they are not going to embarrass you or berate you at all for anything you say or do. they have pretty much seen it all by now.

I do think getting a comfort item in recovery is a great idea and will not cause any raised eyebrows. MOST people feel insecure and a bit childlike in the hospital because things are being done for them and about them just like a child. I really do think it is going to go off really well. Also, be sure you tell them all the medical things they need to know and ask your H to be careful about making sure you get meds on time and that they give you the right meds - busy hospitals can make errors. Hugs,

leslie and the pixies

H will be there. He will bring my tiger and my shawl. I have to bring a list
of meds and times i take them. Just one night there. Should be ok.
Thanks for the encouragement.
wi

Will be thinking about you Iris!

(((((((((((((((( white iris ))))))))))))))))
thinking of you

White Iris (((((((((((((((WHITE IRIS)))))))))))))))))))) we'll be thinking of you escpeically this week!ThaCrew

Surgery scheduled for 9:30 AM EST (USA). That's when I have to be there.
T said that if I have not urinated after the alloted time in hospital, and they are planning on sending me home with a catheter, then I should ask about staying another day. Something about it is very upsetting to us. can't put my finger on it. She also said that I should tell Dr that i have PTSD and am a surviver of SA.

Trying to hold the "fort". Anxiety is high. Fear of unknown, pain (especially in the private area).....why did I think this would be an "easy" surgery???

scared and looking for someone inside to do this. no volunteers......but perhaps someone will step up. Right now it's everyone saying "no way".

wi

((((((((((((((((((((((white iris))))))))))))))))))) I am thinking of you. Know I will be there in thought.

BB

white_iris,

Be strong, sweetie. We are thinking of you and sending our energy to all of you.

white iris

I hope it went well. I was thinking of you.

BB

Thank you all for your support. It means so much

Talked to my T. She suggested I talk to Dr. about my anxiety and T understood that all is very anxiety producing and very scary for us.

Dr was very understanding. She said that there will be no mail attendants, that she would do what she could to make this experience as stress free as she could. My xanax will be given as prescribed, pain meds will be given, and we'll play it by ear as far as the catheter goes. and yes, if i need to i can stay an extra day instead of going home with catheter.
she will talk to be before surgery. H will be with me before i go in. He will be in recovery when i wake up--with my stuffies. one of my best friends will be there too.

so now we are breathing--or trying to. still nervous, that's normal i'm told, but some of the fear is gone. medical ppl will be aware of my anxiety and will do what they can to relieve it.

that took alot of courage from us--to disclose. but i feel better we all agreed to do it.

wi

That was very brave white_iris, i am proud of you. It was hard to tell so much and trust them, but you did it well. I hope all goes as smooth as glass.

leslie and pixies

wow that's great! i'm proud of you too, it takes a lot of courage to do that! *throws confetti* whee!

(don't worry, i'll clean it up. hehe)

alright, take it easy and good luck! may everything go well,


twilight

Wow Iris! Very good work!!!!!

white iris