[sunnye]

I think one big thing I have struggled with is figuring out whether or not I have exaggerated my childhood traumas. I really don't think my mother has any idea how bad my childhood was because of my father's emotional abuse. Actually, she's not completely innocent of putting me on an emotional roller coaster...for the last 33 yrs.

My mother has the attitude of "I had it worse." I have always felt really guilty for being depressed and full of anxiety, because while growing up, I was made to believe that I had a charmed life . There was a contradiction going on.

My mother denies tons of things. This is how she hides from reality, but it has prevented me from healing, I believe.

[possum220]

So many factors on our journey affect the way we grow up. Not only can our parents experiences during their childhood impact on us, in the way we are treated, we must also take in what we inherit genetically.

Some mental illnesses are genetic and we may be unlucky to inherit these. Also our emotional makeup can affect us. If you happen to be ultra sensitive or on the other side of the coin unaffected, either of these can affect us.

You certainly don't have to accept your mother's perception. You may never be able to change her thoughts. Never underestimate trauma. Abuse is abuse. It is what it is.

I hope you are able to work through your issues with a therapist and continue on a journey to mental health.

Possum

[sunnye]

Originally Posted by possum220

So many factors on our journey affect the way we grow up. Not only can our parents experiences during their childhood impact on us, in the way we are treated, we must also take in what we inherit genetically.

Some mental illnesses are genetic and we may be unlucky to inherit these. Also our emotional makeup can affect us. If you happen to be ultra sensitive or on the other side of the coin unaffected, either of these can affect us.

You certainly don't have to accept your mother's perception. You may never be able to change her thoughts. Never underestimate trauma. Abuse is abuse. It is what it is.

I hope you are able to work through your issues with a therapist and continue on a journey to mental health.

Possum

Thanks, Possum

--Sunnye

[Safron]

Sunnye,

I'm sure even your T will tell you that it isn't so much about what actually happened, it's about what we believe happened and how we react to that that is important.

I have a young niece who was seeing someone because she didn't want to go to school. My sister received a report of these sessions and was very surprised and shocked to read that her daughter told this person that her mum had hit her with a shoe.

My sister remembers the incident exactly. Having a frustrating morning with the young one refusing to get dressed for school, she threw a shoe and it hit the wall. Her mum being angry was a frightening experience and on top of that she believes the shoe hit her. No one could convince her otherwise.

My sister apologised and they now get on great. But I think my niece will always have the memory of her mother throwing a shoe at her and she probably has to deal with that memory in her own way, even if it isn‘t exactly how it happened.

The exact truth doesn’t enter into dealing with trauma. What we believe happened is what affects us, sometimes for the rest of our lives.

I’m the oldest of five, battered and beaten almost on a daily bases, with my dad smashing in the TV, throwing furniture through the window, and his dinner at the wall because it wasn’t warn enough, beating up on neighbours if they complained about the noise. And yet if you were to speak to my siblings you would get a different story. They saw some of the same stuff but it doesn’t seem to have affected them as much as it affected me. I guess I was the more sensitive one.

[Sannah]

My mom makes up her reality. My jaws fall open sometimes when I hear what comes out of her mouth! It was your experience and not anyone else's. You don't need your mom's validation or permission to move forward and heal............