[kimmydawn]

I'm having a review for social securty disability done. when i first went on it 5 yrs ago my dx was PTSD. i called t regarding dx and what to put (hoping he would keep it the same) and he stated that DID is dx and that his paperwork and SSD's paperwork should match.

i don't know what that bothered me so bad. i got scared and started to cry. it's not that i'm ashamed or anything. i've told NO ONE IRL. knowing that more ppl will know makes me feel very vulnerable and scared. i don't know why it's so scary and makes me feel so vulnerable

i should add, just before that the maternal unit called demanding answers about molestation. i held my own very well and told her that i wasn't prepared to talk to her about such issues. she was livid. she wanted to use it against my abuser right now because she's angry with him. once again...the pawn. once again...it brings back the memories and one specific one...when i TOLD HER!!!!!!!!!!! ugh ugh ugh.

kd

[h0kie]

(((((((((kimmydawn)))))))))

This is just part of the process. I know that doesn't help. But you won't have to see the people who review you again. They aren't going to be part of your daily life. You can do this.

As far as the mother...I think you were very brave to tell her you weren't going to talk to her about her questions. It was inappropriate, you should not be a pawn! Kudos to you for being the better person!

ya

[SweetCrusader]

*safe hugs* if wanted

kd, that is just awful. I can't believe a mother would do that to her child

And I don't blame you for being uncomfortable about people in 3d knowing about your DID. I know I go into a panic about letting people know I even have PTSD or depression, or that I'm a cutter. Were you able to tell your T how you feel?

My heart goes out to you so much, honey.

[kimmydawn]

thank you ((((((((((((((( angela )))))))))))))))

he knows how i feel about it. i didn't have to say. he was almost whispering and seemed pained to say it

thank you.

[cat_eye]

((((((kimmydawn))))))

[Monty_girl]

((((((((((((((((((((( KD ))))))))))))))))))))))))) I Love YA
Ya know denial is a wonderful thing that we all Love to fall back on. Maybe having it in writing somewhere set in stone is the scarey part? But that doesn't make you who your are. Just take a breath and you will get through it. So ya what to swap mothers???
Love Ya, Monty

[fairygirl]

my disabilty was granted quite quickly and that is my dx too
but there are real people outside in our life that know and it was really hard to tell but it was wonderfully suprising how accepting our friends are and now we have a safe place to hang out and just be anyone can be out there

good luck and follow your heart with decisions like these we are really lucky to have outsiders who know and still want us

KC

[nothemama8]

(((((((((Hugs)))))))

[kimmydawn]

thank you ((((((((((((((((( cat eye )))))))))))))))))))

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((( monty )))))))))))))))))))))) i think having it "set in stone" is scary because other ppls will know. it will be on governmental paperwork, and who might have access to that? it makes us feel so vulnerable and exposed...yes, that's the word! exposed thank you for caring, sweetie. how are you today?

ummm, about the switching of mothers...can i get back with you on that one????

love ya,

[kimmydawn]

thank you fairy girl. i know having DID on the dx line will not alter my approval outcome. i was approved 5 yrs ago, and have since then been dx'ed DID.

i know it's just mandatory paperwork, but we feel so exposed...the gig is up...the world knows...when i've worked so hard to keep the world from knowing

i don't know why this is so hard for me! it's silly really

thank you again,

[kimmydawn]

thank you (((((((((((((((((((( angie and the girls )))))))))))))))))))))))

[Monty_girl]

((((((((((((((((((((( KD )))))))))))))))))))))
I understand how you feel about feeling vulnerable. I how I feel with it being on all my medical paperwork. With the insurance having to have that dx on the pw is hard. And each year when work has to resign for the insurance I have to write it down on that pw as well, cause they always ask what dx is to be in T for so long. Just remember that the people who look at that pw aren't going to know you and who you are. To them your a name on a piece of paper. K? (((((((((((((((((( KD )))))))) Love Ya. It's ok, this will be over soon. I'm doing so so right now. Have to go to T in a couple of hours, appointments not till 5:30. I just went and visited a few ppl this morning who are easy so I didn't get overloaded. I'll let ya know how it goes tonight or in the morning. ((((((((((((((((((( KD )))))))))))))))))) TC, Love Ya's
Monty

[kimmydawn]

thank you (((((((((((((((((((( monty )))))))))))))))))))))) that does help

i'm so proud of you, sweetie. you're going to be ok. you really are. i just hope there are no residual feelings for you to deal with, but you have a plan if there are, right?

i'll be around for you, hon.

love ya,

kd

[darkeyes]

(((((((((((( Kimmy )))))))))))))))))

Sincerely,
DE

[kimmydawn]

thank you ((((((((((((((((((((((((( DE )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[SweetSunshine]

(((((((Kimmy))))))))) Hon I understand how you are feeling now. I have a date set for Saturday to tell my husband what has been going on with me. So I understand that vulnerability. But I also have to keep in mind and I know its very hard , That I did not cause this to happen. Its not my fault . Its nothing I did or didnt do that brought this on , so therefore there is nothing I need to be ashamed of. And Hon you dont have a thing to be ashamed of either. I am thinking of you hon, know that I care and will be here for you ok? Keep your chin up too~

Hugz~
Bethy

[SweetSunshine]

shoot ~ I didnt mean to overtake this thread by my last response either . Sorry about that hon.

Bethy

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((( tryin )))))))))))))))))))))))))) ty. you're very brave to follow thru and talk to hubby. i wish you well for sure. let us know how it goes?

thank you for saying those things. i'm not ashamed. i actually find DID an amazing miracle. i have no shame, especially when i think of what that little girl went thru. it just makes me feel very vulnerable that more ppl will know that there are more of me and that they might be at risk...especially the children

ty so much for understanding again, gl.

kd

[ktp]

(((((((((((((((((((KD))))))))))))))))))))

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((((((( ktp )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

thank you. hey, how are you doing? i don't hear much from you lately i hope you're well. i just adore you

love,

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((((((((kim))))))))))))))))
You're gonna make it. You go girl
Hugs dear,
-k-

[dayzee9]

((((((((((kd))))))))))))))))

This is a hard Dx to tell anyone about; you're not wrong in feeling vulnerable. It takes a lot of courage to put on the pw; I found that when ppl would ask what my Dx was (one of the many) I would tell them & they looked at me like I was an alien...they still do...even friends (I've lost a few just cuz I tried to explain the Dx -- they couldn't handle it) It hurt! And then, to top things off I was Dxed on the PSY ward in the hospital where I worked for 3 years! We all know how fast the word travels....I wanted to crawl under a rock and die!!! :melting:

I had to do the SSI thing too....it takes courage....but from what of seen of all your postings :you_rock:

(((((kd))))Keep the Faith! You're a walking miracle! And oh so sweet!! ((((((((((((((((DayZee))))))))))))))

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((( dayzee ))))))))))))))))) thank you! i'm so glad to see you posting more. i just like you i'm sorry for what you've gone thru with ppl finding out dx. you've lived my biggest fear there

i'm proud of all you've accomplished.

kd

[RhysMadison]

I've been on SSD for a few years now. It was pretty easy & I was surprised I got on so quickly. I grew up differently though. I don't mind people knowing I'm diss. I won't say Hey stranger, I'm diss... But I'm not ashamed. I am selective though. If people are gonna like me, they have to like all of me's.
Best wishes.
Love,
RhysMadison