I am scared but..........(could be triggering)

I am so scared but I need support. I am having issues with accepting what is happening and all the noise in my head. I cannot take it and not knowing when one does something that I do not know about and would not want them to do.

This is very hard for me and it is driving me insane. I cried all day the other day. At my t's office, I could not stop crying, nor could I breath. I wanted to hurt and the noise in my head was so loud that it gave me a headache no med could stop. And the pressure on my eyes was so bad from so many trying to see out I cannot explain the pain.

I do not know what to do and it hurts more than one can explain. Sometimes wanting to know sometimes not. Knowing some not knowing others. I did not ask for this and I do not understand it all. I know it is something I did as a child to survive, but I am confused. To me they are seperate, they are seperate from me. They have always been--that is how it is to me.

I don't understand any other way. I am scared and confused, and just want some quiet for even a moment. Sometimes it gets quiet but not often--and the times it gets quiet I wonder what is coming next?

dps

DPS....

Wish I could just sit quietly with you, hun.
"I know, I know..."
Nothing else to say...

(((((((((((((((((((((darkpurplesecrets))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. I know how scary it can be. I wish I had some suggestions but know I am here.

BB

Maybe I shouldnt look at it this way... but if I accepted my parts are really truely all ME, i would definitely lose any sanity i have.

i know what youre feeling, i think, and i hear you, and i know the headaches..and overwhelming confusion.

im here with you.

if you ever wanna just vent about it or talk one on one you can PM me.

-jeNeTe

I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you. I don't feel any better and things are really scary inside and out. I cannot explain or maybe I am too afraid right now. But knowing you all are here helps, thank you. I cannot stay, just wanted to let you know I am trying and appreciate your advice and support.

dps

(((((((DPS)))))))))
we understand---we sure do----sitting with you while you sort it all out

Thank you white_iris. That means a lot.

dps

((((((((((((((((((((dps)))))))))))))))))))

we hear your feelings of disconnection and the fears that are associated with them,,,,,
we unnderstand because we are there too..........
we will hold your hand iffen you like and walk this path with you, beleiving with all that is in us that there is a light at the end of the darkness and that we will both find that light and one day bask in it!!!!!

sending thouhgts of hope and peace,

mary and all of us beadys

(((((((((((((((((( darkpurplesecrets )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I hope you get to feeling better very soon. I understand how hard it is right now. You are always in my thoughts and prayers and I hope to see you soon my friend. Keep taking a step forward when you can.....then take a rest if you need to. It's ok....I know you can move forward because you have done such a wonderful job of doing just that!

Much love and prayers to you my friend!


sabby

I remember migraines, misery, confusion, darkness and insecurity. Life used to be so completely awful that I could not enjoy anything good that was in my life (like my two precious children). I struggled and fought and resisted for a long time because I could not trust anyone (especially me)

Then there is now. I do not have migraines and I have some help for depression and fibromyalgia. I have struggles and live with a non-supportive mate. HOWEVER...things are so much better in a lot of ways. I respect myself and appreciate my alters. I have been able to come to terms with some of the worst things in my past and I believe that I am getting much more healthy that I've ever been.

Hope exists. If you knew what I went through it would prove to you hope exists, but if I wrote what I really went through I believe the moderators would pull my post to protect sensitive/struggling people. I experienced physical, mental, spiritual, sexual abuse (multiple perps, ritual abuse, teacher, dentist, pastor, numerous relatives). It was so bad I'm not sure but that even DID'ers would wonder if I was exaggerating my sufferings. It is better for me now but I am not near to the end yet.

Things can get better. We survived so much as children and we can still get past our past in due time. Gotta go,

Leslie and the Pixies