Ex needed time and space, not loving herself

Hi ,my name is Gary, I have been separated, since the 17th, of August, and lived with my ex, for 3 months, I started to go out, with her, since May 2008, she has a lot of past issues, and problems, financial, house, health, mental health, children. The reason, she broke up, with me, because, she did not love herself, and had low self esteem, she wrote me a letter, before I left, explaining, that she still loved me, but needs time and space to figure things out, to straighten her mind, not continuing living like this, and said she has no recuperate, from her last relationship. She met me only 3 months, later, she thought he was the love of her life, and thought she would remarry, but he always beat her up and was never there, she was married before that, and that went sour, she has 3 children, twin daughters 17, son 18, they all love me, and my son. So, in the letter, she wants us to take our time, and still wants to do things together, and hoping once she resolves her problems and getting help, that I will still be there, she said if she does not love herself, she can not love me dearly, but was not sure, because of the accusation, and guilt trip, cause I caught her, kissing another guy, at the bar restaurant, she said he made her feel good, like a princess, and was thanking him, she did not feel bad at the time, and has I was leaving, had to go back and stop her again. Before all of this, she had stop all of her medication, for her back, two rupture disc, antidepressants, and anxiety, from January up until this, she would drink a lot, and consume drugs, when taking her medications. So, since August 17th, when I decided to leave, and not stay, to give her time and space, she was surprised I left, telling, me she would never kick me out, and we exchanged emails, and text, up to September 12, on how I felt, and how she felt, and she did not like what I was saying to her, I was being direct, telling her the truth, so I smothered her, in her mind she thought I was taking her friends away, and her family, the ones she loved, and that I was telling them drug lies, and saying bad things about her, which was not true,said I hurt her beyond repair, I told her she was hurt beyond repair, before I met her. She got into it with several people the bank teller, friends, brother,her children, my son thinking he was a killer, and myself, but blamed it on me. When I went too get the rest of my things, not much on the 10 of September, she look like a very depressed women, I ask her if she can tell me the people I said bad things about her, the only two people was her brother, and her guy friend, who she had a big fight with, she could not mention no one, cause there was none, and with her guy friend and her brother, I had nothing to do with that, I did not do s**t too her, and even her daughter who was beside her that night, text me and told me that I am a good person, and I did not do anything wrong to her mother, and that I am not the problem. She is on a waiting list, to seek a psychologist, but it is a long wait, I told her I love her very much, but pushes me away, cause she is afraid to engage, afraid too get hurt, and tells her gal friend, who works in the same building, when her friend phones her everynite, my ex says, I am always alone. So, I miss her a lot and feel sorry for her, and I know she has to do this on her own, and thinking once she gets the help will she come back. Thanks

If she is on drugs then I think that you should stay away from her until she gets her life in order.

Dear doc,Congratulations on being the one to make the move OUT. Your girlfriend does NOT love herself, and she may be too dependent on multiple relationships to have an honest, monogamous one. Why did she have to stop her medications? Street drugs and alcohol will contribute significantly to her negative behaviors that you describe. I am not a good one to make suggestions, as I was once much like her. That was 19 sober years ago. But I will say, if you cannot give her up and move on, at least keep moving in the other direction, as you did when you moved out, and see if she follows. If she does, make some conditions. billieJ

Well thanks for your replies, aprreciated very much, yes I decided to leave, not that I wanted too, I had no place to go, because I had rented my house, but did not want to continue staying at her house, I wanted to start giving her the time and space, and only got my house back 20 days later, it would have been to hard to stay there, being beside her, and can not do anything with her. She stopped her medications, for the fact, she was tired of taking them, she read a book on low self esteem, and turned on me doing a 360, do think about herself, and no one else, what will make her happy, she said she rather smoke the pot for her back than take medication, she said the pot was natural, and I don't think, she drinks everyday anymore, but I am not there, I would have to ask her daughter, I phone her daughter to stay intouch, she says her mother is ok, my ex can still function, work from 9 to 5, go out, and do other things, she has barely any friends though, just one women friend who works in the same building, they have known each other since around may, so her friend ,is starting to get to know her, and see if she can make her open up to her, and wants to ask her why does she behave like that with men, and can not keep the loved ones. My ex, also said she is on a waiting list to see the psychologist, for her past issues about her father, and maybe why she can not accept her divorce, she told me in the past about her father, and that she went to see other psychologist, one of her brothers commited suicide a couple of years back, she took it very hard, but I don t think she completely opened up to the psychologist. Anyway maybe I should just give it up, she told me in one of her emails, when she told me that I hurt her, she said since I left, she is alive, don t know if that is true though, she has other problems, she can not sell her house, and winter is coming, and now she recieved too much from her ex, and he gave her a deadline to pay it back, her friend told me she was freaking out, and does not know how to pay for the mortgage, I have not emailed, or text her since September 10th, I have smothered her enough, and probably blew all of my chances to get her back once she gets healed, and help. There are days when I feel real ******

out with the old and in with the new