A leap of excitement that shouldn't be.

Ah yes, another post about the ex. I should really just chop off all strings that are attached to him but it seems I want to hold on for some reason or another. Anyway, I checked up on fb just because while being all upset earlier I don't hold that much resentment and what I see makes little heart leap for joy. He put his name back to normal, his dp back to normal. He is no longer "Jesse (insert her last name)" he has his name again, and his dp is not that stupid drawing she made for him anymore either. I seen it and automatically I let out a little "yay".. my annoying reflex.

I expect contact from him within the week if this means they're broken up (which it usually does).. but I feel like I'm annoying everyone with my posts about this guy though.. It'll be 2 months tomorrow and I'm still stuck on it.. Not in the same way but still stuck.

Wait....he took HER last name?

If you really do want to get over him then facebook is the first thing you need to cut off. I find that even if I just get a little curious and want to look up an ex with no intentions of contact or getting together etc.... seeing them always sets me up for let down because those feelings start rushing in again. You have to force yourself to stay away.

Yeah, he's weird like that. They took each others in the beginning, I suppose to hurt me with their public display of affection, but after time she started pulling away and changed it back but he never did.

I do feel like I'm over it.. but.. maybe I'm not as much as I thought. I still think about it and sometimes get mad about it. He comes back every time they fight and takes advantage of my unconditional forgiveness. The last time was last week and because of his mixed messages I've had trouble making a clean break. I'll be okay and not thinking about it, and he'll come back saying he wants to be my friend again, but then he'll leave a few days later, blame it on her for restricting who he can and cannot talk to, etc. I can't trust his word but I trust it over hers, but all in all I don't trust myself as much as I should.. I'm always second guessing my thoughts and feelings until eventually they're in his favour. I can't hold onto negative feelings that well.. so I end up forgiving.. time and time again.

It sounds to me like you really AREN'T over him. If you keep forgiving him, and he's still in your thoughts -- Hmmm.

Ask yourself this -- if he came back and asked you if you'd take him back, would you?? If he promised to be "true" this time, and said it would be a real committment, would you take him back??

Just a guess, but I think you would. LOL

lol, I realize now that I haven't and yeah I still talk to him, and now they're broken up for good. But as for the taking back thing, I don't think so. Sure there are some parts of him that were the same as when we first went out, but now, he's a different person. I learned things about him from this, bad things, things that can turn a person off anybody, things that make it impossible for me to respect him anymore. I like him maybe because I'm just attached to an almost 2 year friendship but as far as jumping back into something that once was.. I don't think I could.

awwww hun. I think you need a realtionship that is not based online, with a guy that can hold your hand and tell you how beautiful you are.
He is not good enough for you, as a friend or anything more. He has been with you and then with her and then back to you and back to her.... don't be his play thing anymore xx

Get away from Facebook, or at least stop looking at his Facebook page. Focus on yourself and your other friends. This whole thing spells heartbreak all around. You can't let someone use you like this. You can forgive him all you want, but if you can't cut if off then you need to at least set boundaries for the relationship going forward.

But I do know what it means to be lonely. It's all easier said than done when you're lonely.

I don't really have any friends any more, and I find myself clinging to him to avoid being completely alone. I haven't necessarily ever been completely alone in my entire life and it terrifies me to think that I wouldn't be able to fall back on someone. I know it's a horrible way to think, and I do wonder if I use people for my own comfort rather than to actually be friends with.. but I really fear abandonment.

Right now I have no support from anybody to keep me away. I hate this situation, I feel very lost, alone, and empty. I find myself needing to be lied to or needed to pretend more often than not. Everything he says to me I'll believe at first until I go away and then I wonder if everything was all lies - which it might as well have been because I'm unable to stop doubting his honesty now. But they were nice lies (if he really is as dishonest as I believe) and I welcome them rather than the truth..

I know I should be paying more attention to people in real life.. I wish I could but I'm very timid and I've recently been disrespected and another friend of mine put me at risk to get arressted only because he didn't want to pay for chocolate. -_- I don't live in a horrible neighbourhood.. but it seems I attract the worst types of people.