[hopenfaith71]

Hi. Looking for advice. I am 39 and I have had a childhood full of trauma. Depression owned my life for 20 years. Got married at 20, had 3 kids. I have Bipolar and he NEVER supported me. He would call me lazy in front of the kids, put me down, and yes I made many mistakes due to my mental illness, but no matter what I did see my preist, go to therapy, he would never forgive e. So 3 years ago I filed for legal seperation and moved out. My ids live ith him and I used to see them every day . They live in the next town. So here I am, last year having a nervous breakdown, and after 2 family sudden deaths recently had another one. Signed myself into the phych hospital for a few weeks, changed my meds, was forced to recover at his home. THAT WAS PURE HELL.
I am home now for the last several weeks and healing slowly. It has been hard dealing with the silence and looking for encouragement. I have finally accepted the fact that he can never give me wat I need and I am keeping my distance. It hurts for we still talk occasionally but he sexually hits on me. It freaks me out. For I am going thru so much emotionally. The depression has finally lifted and a bit of happiness comes and goes. Every time he jokes about having sex, I freak out. I find it offending, disrespectful, hurtful, and I dont know how to handle it. My heart I have locked in a fortress until I heal and I want his respect for the 1st time but I want to be left alone. Any advice?

[Leed]

Bless your heart -- you've been thru alot. I'm afraid that the way your husband is, is permanent. He's a jerk -- he wants to USE you for his own pleasure!!! If he were truly caring, that wouldn't be the only thing on his mind -- he'd be more concerned with how YOU are -- not his urges!!!

I know you want his approval & his caring, but he never gave it to you before, so why would he now? You're going to have to accept that this is the way he is -- and try to deal with it. Tell him in NO uncertain terms that you do NOT want to go to bed with him, and you'd appreciate it if he'd STOP mentioning it !!! If he starts to bring it up again, STOP him the minute he opens his mouth. You don't have to be treated like a piece of furniture for him to use. Demand that he respect your wishes! And steer clear of him as much as possible until you're less vulnerable.

It sounds like you're making good progress tho. You're to be congratulated -- I'm sure it wasn't easy to leave, and live on your own. One of my favorite "sayings" is "All I ask is simple respect -- I expect nothing more, but I'll accept nothing LESS."

Best of luck -- you're doing a good job. God bless. Hugs, Lee