[lexie86]

Once upon a time a man and woman meet, man and woman became good friends. The man is married to his first love they have three children, but the man starts to fall in love with his friend, and vice versa, though for a wahile nither says it and they just go on, never admitting it to one man and woma cross that line, man tells wife and they separate, as at the time man believe he wants to be with the other woman. The man had previously before his friend had an emotional affai over the internet and he and his wife fought alot, they had no problem lying to one another and occassionally things got physical.
However, man and his wife talk and agree to try and fix there marraige. however things escalate and the police are called, man is arrested and cannot see wife or children. End of first reconcilation attempt.
Second reconcilation attempt comes after court hearing where wife gets in off, so he does not go to jail, this begins the second reconciliation attempt.
Man however, is still saying he is confused not to wif, but his friend and does not know what he wants, he spents alot of time with wife, but is still undecided. man and wife fight again, man is once gain arrested and not allowed to see wife or kids, as the court forbids it regardless of there wishes, this was quite a serious offence his children's lives were put at risk.

Now the friend of this man and his family have had to deal with three periods of grief in three forms of breakups and have run out of things to say etc, support has lesson for him as he refused to listen to his family, and has lied to everyone. So alot of people had withdrew there support, like his work mates and other members of his family. Because they saw it coming, except he did not listen, still does not listen its becoming really frustrating!

He cant see his kids he wants to kill himself, plus he feeling the effects of another break, he is seeing an anger managemnt specialist and a therapist, but how can his family and friend help him now, when he does not seem to learn form the past and that sometimes just because you love someone does not mean you should live with them.

The woman he had the affair with is his only friend, other than that as support he has his parents and siblings, though his siblings are not his friends, and he has his therapist. What do you guys recommend and what is your opinion of the situation. how to help, should she help etc.

[SophiaG]

You should not help, he obviously is a violent man. Do not kid yourself that he won't turn this violence upon you.

[odoyle]

lexie, I have read a few posts of yours now, and I have always held my tongue.

This is a very unhealthy relationship for you. You are the other woman, and given the chance he will always go back to his wife. He has already shown that to you over, and over again. The reason he keeps on coming back to you, is because you are always there for him.

I honestly have no idea what you see in him. You seem like a very kind hearted, caring person. He doesn't deserve the love and compassion you reserve in your heart for him. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who puts you first? Wouldn't you rather be in a relationship where you don't have to compete for affection with a wife and family? Where you don't have to put up with his indecision, and his constant back and forth pining, not knowing who he wants to be with, all the while going to and from various court appearances, jail, whatever?

Don't you think you deserve a normal relationship, with a normal guy, who just loves you? Nothing complicated, no drama, no script to a bad soap opera, just plain loves you?

That's your answer.

[lexie86]

Thanks Odoyle
I honestly have no idea whats wrong with me, im sad all the time because everyone is right, i say he's the stypid one because he did not listen to his family and me when we said he would end up jail because of her, which looks like he will.
But there is someone who is dumber than him and thats me! Because i sit around all day waiting for him to hurt me again, and judge her for the fact that she still wants him, when i should be looking at myself!!! ( dont get me wrong i feel sad for her too, and think about her, but she has not held herself up with integrity). Though in all fairness i would not let someone threaten to kill me in front of my kids, or let the father of my kids risks there lives, nor would i as a mother risk my childrens lives, whether it was all just to intimiate me or whether it was an actual threat a threat is a threat. That is not love to be its something else, but he says it loves so it must be and so does she so it is!

This will sound pathetic i honestly dont think i can live without him! yes he goes back to his wife, and then comes back to me its all the same pattern. he goes back to her realises he made a mistake then comes back to me, and me being the total pathetic weak loser that i am take him back! because his tears work, and he says all the right things and because i want to help him so i support him.

I say he goes back to her, but that being said he also holds back from her too, in away he manipulates certain situations back on to her. Like she will ask him to move back in and he will hold out, but stay with her when its all hunky dory, and then go back to his place when its not. I honestly dont think hes knows what he wants, but this time the judge took away the choice and made it so they cannot contact one another, when the legal systems steps in and forces you too separate i actually find that quite embrassing and pretty much a huge sign that hey you should not be together.

And yes all i want is somone who respects me and is nice to me, and i want to stop feeling sick all the time and scared that he is just going to stop talking to me and loving me, it is not suppose to be this way. He was my first everything and im 23, first kiss, first time, first love, first relationship, and i honestly just want to give up and die and stop feeling this way.

Thanks.

Originally Posted by odoyle

lexie, I have read a few posts of yours now, and I have always held my tongue.

This is a very unhealthy relationship for you. You are the other woman, and given the chance he will always go back to his wife. He has already shown that to you over, and over again. The reason he keeps on coming back to you, is because you are always there for him.

I honestly have no idea what you see in him. You seem like a very kind hearted, caring person. He doesn't deserve the love and compassion you reserve in your heart for him. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who puts you first? Wouldn't you rather be in a relationship where you don't have to compete for affection with a wife and family? Where you don't have to put up with his indecision, and his constant back and forth pining, not knowing who he wants to be with, all the while going to and from various court appearances, jail, whatever?

Don't you think you deserve a normal relationship, with a normal guy, who just loves you? Nothing complicated, no drama, no script to a bad soap opera, just plain loves you?

That's your answer.

[odoyle]

Originally Posted by lexie86

He was my first everything and im 23, first kiss, first time, first love, first relationship, and i honestly just want to give up and die and stop feeling this way.

You're not a dumb, pathetic, weak loser. You just fell in love with the wrong person. It happens to all of us.

You are young and you have a great heart. You deserve to be happy. I hope you find the courage and the strength to do something about it.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( lexie )))))))))))))