[kassie1]

I am now five months divorced. Two weeks ago would have been our fifth anniversary. I am not getting over this one - it was a good decision to let go for me - but I find that I am not moving on. Every time I am faced with a situation which reminds of my feelings - I shut down. IDK if this part of the healing journey or not - as I don't want to do anything that reminds that I am alive and have choices on how to do just that. I was so greatly disappointed and hurt that I am having trouble trusting others won't hurt me too. I don't trust that life won't hurt so I avoid it. When I came here I did so because it feels safer than starting over in the real world.

Any advice from others who have gone before me?

[palemoss]

i am sorry to hear that. but i know exactly what you feel like. so small.

go see a therapist? there are lots of clinics if you are worried about costs.

[lynn P.]

I agree you should get some therapy. This is a grieving process and I can relate to being afraid to trust again. I read your other thread and you're better off without this man. It will get better and take good care of yourself.

[Leed]

Hi ! You have to give yourself "permission" to grieve! This is the death of a relationship, so grieving is very normal & natural. Five months is NOT a very long time to expect to get "over" this --- you need to give yourself more time before you jump back into the "scene."

Try to be gentle & patient with yourself, and don't expect so much too soon. It wouldn't hurt to talk to a therapist. He/she might be able to help you get thru this easier.

Best of luck & God bless! Hugs, Lee

[lad007]

A dear friend once told me the way to heal from divorce is time, and outside interests.
Everyone has different time tables to get over divorce, 5 months is a very short time. Dating too soon can actually make you feel worse as when you are out you remember the good times you had with your ex, and this will be hard to deal with.
So find a hobby, or maybe volunteer at the food bank or soup kitchen and help others get through the holidays. Helping others with troubles with help you with yours.

[Caretaker Leo]

I hope you will be gentle with yourself. I lived on an emotional roller-coaster for more than 2 years during and after my divorce.

Over time I hope you will discover that you can learn how to believe in yourself and learn to trust others around you. Don't worry if you are very selective about who you choose to trust. I sure was - and 12 years post-divorce I am still that way.

I did see a T for a time and it was helpful.

[Open Eyes]

When relationships fail we often feel we are to blame somehow. And any relationship is work and challenging. So if you were in a relationship that was a bad experience you are going to need time to let go of that and learn ways to eventually let yourself try again in the future.

Right now the most important thing for you is to find yourself. And that means being comfortable in your own space and thinking about what you want in YOUR life aside from a partner. Because if you get to the point where you begin to love you and let yourself have permission to enjoy life for you, than the next relationship will be better because you will be more established and you will learn how to set boundaries to protect YOU.

Most people do not know how to establish boundaries. And there are always those the never learned how to respect boundaries either. And the only thing you can do right now is find you and what makes you happy and that could mean more education or picking up a hobby or giving your time to charity. I dont know what your personal education level is but some people gain alot by going back to school and learning and learning is aways a good way to progress. And you don't have to always pick a profession to go back to school. You could even go and take some psychology courses or you could look for certain clinics involving personal growth methods, relationship method. Grab a paper and hop on the net and see if there is anything that you can participate in that is a self help or motivation mini course or something.
Get your feet wet a little, you don't have to have all the answers right away.
Open Eyes

[Rose3]

Hi Kassie1 - Do you think that maybe you are grieving? Trying to adjust to this huge
change in your life, it's a loss of that relationship that you valued? I agree with lad007 that it takes time, so it is a good idea to get involved with some of your interests or discover new ones, meet some new people. It all takes time, so be
kind to yourself.

[tiffy0415]

i recently left my abusive fiance after 2 years that felt like 50 and i am grieving in the same way you are but you are better than I because you can see that it will get better so hats off to you and i hope you feel better soon