[Zelev]

My divorce took 4 years to finalize. My ex-husband did everything in the book to drag it on. It was ugly.

I voluntarily agreed that he should have the family home because I knew that I couldn't afford it. My ex owned two houses but instead of refinancing and taking me off the loan for the family home he left me on it so now I probably will never own a home because on my credit report it looks like I already own a house I can't afford. I asked for child support to be reduced to a third of what our son was entitled to and waived spousal support. I was hoping that would show him I wasn't out to break him but just wanted the divorce over asap. After battling him in court for so long, my legal fees were unbelievable. My ex refused to pay child support so his check was garnished and support was increased to the normal amount.

I think my ex has oppositional defiant disorder because anything I ask him to do; he does the exact opposite or harasses me constantly to get his way. He never wants to follow the visitation order and is constantly trying to change the days or organize trips during my vacation time.

During the summer, he told me he wanted me to get our son a passport and pay for it ($200) so he could take him to Mexico for a family event. Of course it was during my scheduled vacation. I agreed our son could go but told him I would not pay for the passport. My ex called me several times, hung up on me when I answered, cursed me out and called me every name he could think of. He said I was being selfish.

Later I found out my ex never went to Mexico but sent out son with another family member. He gave the the permission letter that was meant for him to another family member with a similar name to get our son across the border. Since my ex and I barely speak I didn't know until I spoke to our son. By that time, he was already there.

Last year, I had to move 500 miles away for a job. I nearly went broke trying to maintain visitation so I got another job with less pay and moved back closer (about 40 miles away)from my ex's house. Immediately he began harassing me to increase visitation because I was still too far and it would take him 2 hours to get to my house. (It's really about 1 hour in rush hour traffic). I agreed to let my ex pick our son up the Friday evening before his visitation weekend but my ex wanted to pick up our son immediately after-school. I refused.

The next time (during my weekend), I called and told my ex that our son would be visiting a friend nearby and if it was okay if he stayed over and I would pick him up Sunday. My ex agreed. The following visitation (my ex's weekend) he called and cancelled saying he was sick and in the hospital. I offered to drive our son to visitation but my ex refused.

The next visitation was the same excuse. Again I offered but my ex said, "He would let me know..."

About three months ago, child support services put a lien on his house and bank account. Last month it was extended to his structured annuity for $20K in past due child support. A few days ago, a representative from child support called to tell me that my ex paid up.

I really think that's why he stopped seeing our son. If I call and try to talk to my ex it always turns into a debate or argument unless I agree to do what he wants. I'm tired of being manipulated and harassed but I know our son misses him even though he hasn't said anything. My son has had the same cell phone number for the last 5 years so my ex can easily call our son without talking to me. I feel like he's punishing our son for something he didn't do and is very manipulating.

Part of me is tired of going through this over and over. It's now been 8 years and I'm done. I'm really enjoying the peace but part of me feels guilty. Like I should keep trying and put up with the games for the sake our son.

[Leed]

You have NO reason to feel guilty! You cannot control what your ex does or continues to do. If your ex does not contact your son, it's NOT your fault! Your son will soon find out that his father is a jerk. Yes, it will hurt, let him find this out by himself. My granddaughter is going thru the same thing. Her father is being a total idiot. He isn't paying child support. He doesn't see her AT ALL. He rarely ever calls her --- SHE has to call him, and she's tried of it. She's 16 and she said she's tried of being the one to instigate all contact. She has started seeing a therapist to deal with her mixed emotions about him.

I'm sure your son misses his father, but you can't force your ex to visit him. You don't say how old your son is, but just tell your son that you're waiting for your ex to grow up. LOL I wish you the very best. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee