[LylaJean]

I don't know how my marriage got to this point.

We've been married nine months. Only nine months!! I'm three months pregnant with our first child. I thought that we were doing everything right... I married him because I knew he would be a spiritual leader for our family, and I knew he'd always do what God wanted for our family. I felt that I could follow him. We bought a house, we got a dog and a couple cats, and then found out we were pregnant. I was happy but my husband is.... not so happy. He quit his job without consulting me, started smoking synthetic marijuana ALL of the time, and I pretty much lost all respect and admiration I ever had for him. Then I started getting bad morning sickness, while still having to work full time to support us, and tonight I found out that he has been checking out porn behind my back, while I'm puking and sick as heck. He told me that the reason he was more interested in porn than in me was because he thinks I'm overweight and he is not attracted to me anymore. Now, I'm five three, and 130 pounds. I get that I'm not the prettiest girl at the prom anymore, but I still look pretty good next to a lot of other average women, and if he doesn't find me attractive now, what in the world is going to happen after this baby comes? How can I ever feel sexy in front of this man again? How will I ever trust him or love him again? What am I going to do?

We've been in counseling for the past three months, as well as in a marriage course at church. I get that I'm not innocent in his unhappiness. But when is enough enough? I want to leave. I am thinking about moving into our spare bedroom until the baby is born and I can figure something else out, since we're short on money and my family is 14 hours away, so I would lose my job if I moved in with them. But I'm scared of the blame I'll get from his family and him for walking away. Let alone what our church would say. I may try to meet with an elder tomorrow, but I'm so sick of feeling guilty for things other people are doing that I may end up throwing something at him if he tries to guilt me into staying. The last thing I need to hear is that I should be more sexually available so that he'll be less tempted. I call BS on that.

Someone give me some sanity, please. I'm worn out.

[Trippin2.0]

Oh man, so sorry you're in a sucky situation. All I can say is don't make decisions based on how other people will feel or react. You have to live your life, not the family or the church, YOU.

Goodluck to you and your baby, I pray that you 2 find joy.

[Leed]

Did he do a complete 180 after you married? I mean, did he smoke pot before you married? Was he good about keeping a job before marriage? Why do you think he's acting like this now?

Your first concern should be about this baby that's coming. You're not going to be able to support HIM and that baby too! If he isn't willing to get a job, then get out. It's not fair for you to be taking care of the baby and working full time too! And you CAN'T leave the baby with a pot head. Besides, after the baby is born, you're gonna need to take some time off work to recover from the birth. Sounds like you'll need your family.

If the counseling hasn't been working, I think I'd start packing to go home. You're going to need your family when the baby is born. I'm sure you'll be able to find a job back home after you're able to work again. It doesn't sound like he's willing to work things out right now. If he decides he wants to later, he'll come find you. But right now, he's being a jerk.

I wish you the best of luck. Take care & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[LylaJean]

Thank you both for seeing how horrible this situation is. I feel like everyone around me is downplaying it. He smoked it before we were married, but never regularly. More like, socially, instead of drinking. At the time I appreciated that, because my ptsd is triggered by being around drunk people and I wouldn't have felt safe if he were drunk. And he seemed soooo hardworking before we married, but as soon as we got married he stopped being that way and I became the breadwinner. He really doesn't think that anything he is doing currently is harmful to the baby or myself, let alone a sin against God. In the past, the only way he'd change anything was if he thought he was sinning. He holds it against me anytime I talk about separation that it would be against God for me to leave him, that it's in the Bible that I need to submit to him and follow his lead, etc. But he's leading us into devastation and it's also in the Bible that it's my job to protect and raise my children!

[LightningMan]

At this point I would suggest focusing on yourself, taking care of yourself. Like all control freaks, he's using anything he can to control your behavior, whether or not it is logical, including the argument that "God says you cannot leave me." If God wants to keep you from leaving, when you try believe me He'll stop you.

Whether you stay or go, begin planning your life as if you will not get any contribution from him. Figure out how you'll feed you and your child (and the animals if you haven't already gotten rid of them). Start living a blissful and blessed life without him. He'll either come around or go away even if you don't leave him.

[Scotty204]

I'm sorry your going through this. Sorry if I sound harsh here but I mean well. Firstly he quit his job and you have a baby on the way very selfish in my opinion. Secondly he should be supporting you, afterall you are pregnant and need to rest but yet you are stuck working to support him sitting at home doing nothing ?? And on top of that he's on porn sites? This guys a piece of work and it sounds like you found a mooch of a husband. If he won't get up and get a job and change his attitude I say bye bye.