[llafitte93]

My ex-boyfriend and I were a horrible match. I know that, but even though I do, I still love him. He's one of those guys that nobody really likes because he's an inconsiderate jerk to most of the people he cares about, including me when we were together. But I saw further through him than others did and I knew that there was good in him. I think I was the only person who saw it, and I stayed with him through all the rough times. I gave him everything, but it wasn't enough for him. He left me because he "didn't love me anymore". I was crushed, and I still am even after three months. I know its pathetic, and I even lie about my feelings to my friends. I want to move on, but every time I try, I fall right back to crying over him. He moved on a long time ago, but I can't. What do I do?

[wounded1]

Give yourself time. Realize that if he "didn't love you anymore" there is nothing you can do to change it. It doesn't matter what kind of person he is, or people's perceptions of him, if he doesn't care about you that's the only thing that matters. You need to know that you deserve someone who will not only want to be with you but thank their lucky stars that they found you. In the meantime, spend time with the friends and family who have always loved you.

Hugs!

[Ladyzero]

Yes, all good advice above. Try not to glorify this guy and build him up in your mind to being 'the one' for you. You say you were ill matched. Remember that, and don't gloss over it to relive the good times. Think of it as his loss, and know you deserve to be loved truly.
You can't change how he feels, so just try to change how you feel knowing he's moved on. Don't dwell on what might have been, and be glad you were not led along further into the relationship. Time will heal and you will move on too. Good luck

[kmeds70]

I hate where you are and I know all to well what you're feeling. If you want to cry, then cry. It makes no difference what an *** this guy is.. you obviously love him more than yourself to want him back. I'm afraid it doesn't matter how many tell you the truth about yourself, if you don't believe what you hear due to your thought process, you're only treating a symptom of the pain. There's no set time to get over someone you love. You will do it in your own time. The more honest, truly honest you are with yourself the better. There's something called "the Work" I learned about it in the hospital after I ate 30 zanex followed by cough meds so i could "sleep" without my husband after he left me
Learn to examine your actual thoughts with the logical side of your brain by writing them down, followed by questions that will examine the truth of those thoughts. Read them outloud to your self when you're finished with that single thought.
Our thoughts are learned from life experiences and feelings. If you relearn your brain to think with the logical instead of the learned feeling side.... You will find it much easier to cope with this loss. .

this is gonna come off corny or pointless but try it out loud

example: "He moved on a long time ago, but I can't"

is this true? but I can't"
logically speaking..did time stop for you? do you wakeup everyday?
are you living?
answer this outloud so the logic side of your brain hears you
No it's not true. you are moving on... everyday you're a breath closer to being well.

We can all tell you what you already know... You deserve better than him. But until you FEEL it... Do what it takes to heal and know you're not alone.

[justjackie]

i am in the same exact boat. my husband and i are getting a divorce. i filed back in october, but in december he moved back home and we tried reconciling. sunday he left again with no warning. i am devastated. again. every time i get comfortable and start to trust him again-bang-he ****s it up again and i am left in pieces.

[doggiedo]

It's hard. Really really hard. The fact that you feel something is probably a good sign that you had strong feelings for him.

The way I see it is (based on my experience with love, divorce, and loss) is that relationships are organic. As much as we wish we could just pretend it didn't happen or wish you had done things differently, you can't. Relationships have their own way of working out, no matter how much you wish they had a different resolution.

You have to just put those memories and feelings into a little box, or sorts, and file it away for the time being. Know that it's okay to feel hurt, betrayed, or whatever your feelings are. They are laid, bc YOU feel them. Is also okay to mourn the loss of what you had.

I have been divorced for three years now and it still hurts. I drive by his work place and still think of him...I had a dream last night that I confronted his now wife about her cheating on him while he was with me. It sounds and probably still feels really raw to me, but it has made me who I am today, for the good and the bad. I do wish I could forget some things, but life just doesn't work that way. I file those memories away as an experience that was, and will always be, part of my life.

[doggiedo]

And it's okay if you cry about him still. I think I'll always sort of feel like crying when I think of what I had, and felt, and love, and lost. I think that's just part of the end of the relationship. Crying is okay, at any stage. Just give it time.