seperated but still living under the same roof

We need to stay together for " financial " reasons. She lives upstairs with her 3 dogs and 5 cats. I live downstairs with myself. It's complicated. Married 37 years. I'm retired on disability with so much wrong with my body and mind that it would take days to tell it all.
I'm in chronic pain all my waking hours. you can't see my pain.
No communication, no love ,no feelings no nothing. I know there are many people out there who are going through the same stuff as me so why do I feel so alone !

Welcome to PC ((continuosly blue)) - I been married for 27 yrs and 6 yrs ago we stopped being a married couple but live in the same house for financial reasons. He has his room upstairs and mine is on the main floor. I have 2 kids, 10 and 14. He's from a religion that allows marrying more than 1 woman, although not many do this and he assured me he would never do it. Its been since 2006.....6 lonely yrs. I want to live separately but can't. I sorry you're in the same terrible situation and in pain. If you had the money, would you live separately?

Bless your heart. I know this must be a very lonely life. And I know all about the chronic pain too, as I have the same problem.
Being a chronic painer is a lonely life all by itself because no one understands -- but then living separately in the same house has got to be doubly bad -- I'm so very sorry.

Are you able to get out at all on your own? Can you walk, or do you need a wheelchair? I can walk -- just not very far. And I can drive, but not long distances. I was thinking if you could walk/drive, perhaps you could join a social group, or something to keep yourself occupied. Anything is better than sitting in the house, right? \
Do you have friends that could come over to visit or take you places?

I wish I could help more -- I know how awful this chronic pain life is, plus your living situation must be miserable. Just know that you'll be in my prayers. Keep posting -- we'll be here. God bless you and take care. Hugs, Lee

I'm living in the same house as my soon to be ex-wife, have no idea on how things are going to work out. But we have been functionally not a "couple" for several years, the lack of love is so difficult to live with, we all want to be loved, and to have to live with someone who should love you that doesn't is so difficult.

I wish you the best of luck...

I am with you on this one, we have two kids 4 and 3 been married 6 years and because of his depression and my bipolar we have split, but neither has anywhere to go.... so we stay in the same home and "co-parent" afraid to divorce and move on. glad to know we are not the only ones doing this. You are not alone!

Most of my marriage was an emotional detached marriage. He was in his own little world & I was in my career.....our poor daughter was somewhere in the middle & thank to God, my parents were the ones who took the most care of her even throughout the week while we worked.....at least she had a stable place that wasn't filled with fighting 5 days of the week.......know why she never wanted to come home.

With a 2 firmware engineering household, we had a good income.....but looking back, realized that every time I started pushing for a divorce, he would go look at new cars or buy something that was expensive & I would bite at his telling me that we could live more comfortably & have more things if we stayed together......but there was never any real love on either of our parts in the marriage.

It wasn't until after I lost my career & ended up on disability & feeling dependent on him that the suicide attempts started, the anxiety of loosing my career turned into major depression.....but at that time for some reason, I didn't realize how much the bad marriage played a role in how I was reacting. He couldn't understand because I then had a horse & all my eskie dogs we were showing & training & breeding......he kept telling me that I was more than my career. But divorce was financially impossible. After one of my major hospitalizations for a month, I moved out to the ranch for awhile & when I ended up coming back to the house, I moved into my own room. It didn't make life that much better but at least I didn't have to be around him. We were married in 1975.....I finally moved into my own room in 1995. After other hospitalizations, when there was abuse involved, my pdoc wouldn't let me go home, so I spent some time at my mother's house. When she finally died of cancer in 2005, because of the trauma I went through with the home care person, it took me about a year to get back into the house because of the PTSD issues I was dealing with.....sold the house in 2006 (the house I was born & raised in) & realized I had my way to move to a farm that I had always wanted to live on since all my life I hated living in the city, Los Angeles was the worst. Initially I thought that maybe a change of environment would help my H, so I invited him to the first Christmas & brought all our 13 dogs across country in my horse trailer. He had his own room in my farm....but I ended up kicking him out & realizing that the marriage was really over....but because of the financial mess with all the medical expenses that he hadn't bothered to try to get written off when I was so sick & didn't have any of the financial information to take care of it myself.....not that I could have at the time anyway....it all went to collection. The only thing we had to divide was debt & I wasn't about to give up my freedom & my farm which I bought with MY inheritance to get out of the debt that was generated in most part because when I was so mentally ill, he hadn't been responsible with the finances & dug is in so deep because he had not taken control of the financial situation & I had no idea where we were or how we were doing. I got a lawyer to protect my farm as much as possible in an LLC.....but he said that I was better off not going for a divorce at that time because it would just bring up all the debt issues & they would have to be resolved in the divorce.

I left him 5 years ago......it's just a separation & not even a legal one, just my up & leaving. He blew it with the IRS on my inheritance & never bothered to tell me about receiving the letter & never even talked to the IRS. I finally found out because the mail was forwarded to my farm that Christmas he came here. Then just in 2011, he stopped paying the RE taxes on the Ca house & never bothered to tell me (I'm still on the loan).....I was just hoping that he wouldn't do anything really bad until I was able to get the divorce figuring that the debt would go away after enough years in collection......but he stopped paying the house payment when they forced the escrow account on the house payment.....never said a word to me about it then lied about everything including that he was trying for a loan modification....don't know what he figured lying would prove........

There are still some financial issues that are causing the divorce to be difficult & no money to pay a lawyer is also an issue....but because of the IRS debt, & his retirement fund paying it.......I definitely need a lawyer to make sure everything is written up to protect me against anything stupid he does. Our whole married life was his stupid financial issues....I bailed us out of debt with my accounting degree information before getting into the house we own now.....but when I could no longer handle the finances after the depression hit so bad & I really didn't want to live.......he messed up all the good that I had done.

Life would have been so wonderful if I had listened to that little voice inside of me before the wedding that told me "DON'T GET MARRIED TO THIS GUY". Life is so wonderful after I left him....I really don't know how I tolerated living with him so long even though for 13 years we lived separately under the same roof......it was like living in hell. When I left, I really felt like I could get to be me again....know who I was again....the person I was before we ever got married even though young had the values that I lost while married to him.