[jai06]

Reader's Digest version of my past week...
Tuesday see Doc, recognizing signs of depression (lost my Dad 4 months ago and I'm not coping with it). He's not much help. Wednesday find out 18 year old daughter is pregnant. Thursday brakes go to hell (even though a "friend" did our safety inspection just 6 weeks ago labor free in exchange for free labor in his house renovation). Friday get $500 brake bill, which I have to borrow from parents to pay. Saturday find out my husband is cheating. Sunday, climbed steep learning curve of family law. Monday filed for divorce and then confronted him with what I know.

Maybe all the other details don't matter, but suffice to say I feel like I'm part of a sick psychological experiment on how to break a person.

Without a doubt, I need time and space from my husband. But I'm scared. I jumped to the courthouse full of rage and adrenaline, eager to have the divorce filed so he couldn't talk me out of it and so it would be too late for second thoughts.

Our marriage hasn't been good for a long time, we argue about everything and the past while we've been more roommates than spouses. I've asked for a separation several times, he begs for counseling and things get better for a while. Turns out he's been going online to "chat" with people who live locally and a year ago March slept with another woman. He swears it only happened the one time but as early as last week he was reaching out to try to connect with others.... including a couple, and says he was curious about being with another guy. He says he wanted to feel appreciated, that he was seeking attention. Instead, he says it made him feel horrible.

Having had a couple days without the rage and adrenaline now I'm having regrets... regrets for not putting more energy into our relationship, regrets for closing him out, and regrets for jumping on the divorce papers. I do NOT take responsibility, this was his mistake. It's just...Divorce is so FINAL. It petrifies me.

Ironically, I've discovered just how much I love him. He's always been my biggest supporter, he goes along with any crazy project I get on. I'm overweight and that's NEVER bothered him as much as it does me. He's seen me at my best and he's seen me at my worst and he's loved me through it all.

I don't know if we can work through this, or if I could ever learn to trust him again. With the divorce process already started, I haven't even given myself time to find out. I keep wondering if this state of confusion is my real feelings or if I were clearer in my judgement the day I filed the papers.

[Leed]

You CAN stop the process, my dear. Just call the court and tell the to halt the divorce. You will lose the money you've already paid. But if in the future, you want to continue with the divorce, they will have the papers there. So if you want more time to think, just call them & stop it.

But remember -- HE CHEATS. Do you think he will quit cheating? Heck no. He's done it more than once, right? He'll probably keep doing it, because YOU keep forgiving him. Since he keeps getting away with it, why should he quit? He can have his cake & eat it too -- an OLD cliche' but a good one.

Don't you think you deserve better than this? What makes you think you can't find a man who WON'T DO THIS TO YOU? You deserve a man who will love ONLY YOU and not some bimbo online or down the street. You deserve a man who is devoted ONLY to you! There ARE men like that and you can find one!!! You don't deserve to be cheated on like this.

But it's your decision. If you love him, then don't divorce him, but be PREPARED to live like you've been living -- he's gonna keep cheating more than likely because he gets away with it. If I were you, I'd throw the bum out. I could forgive once, but TWICE??? HECK NO!!!! God bless. Hugs, Lee

[K-seperated]

So sorry to hear about your week - hasn't been great for me either, but it looks like the universe was really piling on you. With the divorce, I think that its not good to rush something like that, but I agree with Leed - this is not a guy who looks like he's going to change.