[RiderOne]

I have been divorced for 2 years. I I have two adult children, both in their early twenties. I left my marriage for reasons other than adultery. My children are living with their father in our marital home while they finish school. At first both of my children were very angry with me. My son, the oldest, has forgiven me and we have a pretty good relationship. My daughter is still angry with me. She rarely visits or has any contact with me unless I initiate it. I am currently in a relationship and have been for about a year. Due to financial reasons, I moved in with him about months ago. My problem is with my daughter. She refuses to acknowledge my boyfriend. She won't come to our house. Currently she is struggling with personal issues and I want to help her through this. I have reached out to her to offer my support but she continues to reject me. I feel like I have failed her.
I feel like if I want a relationship with my children I will have to go back to my ex, something I do not want to do.
Should I leave my current relationship? Again, something I don't want to do.
Anyone going through this too? What do I do.

[0w6c379]

I'm not going through anything like this but I'll offer my thoughts anyway if you don't mind. I don't think that your daughter needs to accept your boyfriend right now. You say she is having her own problems and that is enough for her to deal with. Have you suggested meeting her at a neutral location for coffee or something? It would be better than trying to talk to her over the phone. Also, I would not bring up your boyfriend to her in any respect. He is your business. And no, I don't think (just my personal opinion here) that you should go back to your ex to appease your daughter. It just would not work out. My parents separated when I was in my 20's and though it was hard, it was a relief not to have the stress of them living together in the same house. They should have separated long ago.

Try meeting your daughter for a shopping trip and lunch or something. And keep the focus off of you. Maybe just keep the conversation light such as discussing her schoolwork, friends, news headlines, etc. Let her raise matters of personal troubles at her own time. Don't push it. She will notice and appreciate the respect you give to her. Have patience and don't give up.

[katya093]

i dont think you should leave your current relationship . that is what makes you happy
and for your kids , divorce is a hard subject and most kids get angry ,
but its something that takes time and understanding .
you can only hold the water out
and wait to see if they take it

[Leed]

I'm really sorry you're going thru this. I'm sure the divorce was hard enough without having the children angry at you too. I'm glad your son forgave you.

It seems that both of them are old enough to realize that when you're unhappy in a marriage, you don't just stay there for an eternity and be miserable! Of course, I don't know why you left, but I'm sure you weren't happy! Your daughter should realize that leaving was a hard decision for you, and at least you didn't leave when they were little -- you waited until they were grown!

If she's upset that you're dating, she CAN'T expect you to remain single forever -- or to become a nun! LOL She MUST realize that you get lonely.

I have to agree that perhaps meeting her on neutral ground might be a good idea, or on a shopping trip. Or perhaps you two could do an "over-nighter" somewhere, where you could really talk??? Maybe you could get some things straightened out that need to be??? And she could get HER issues taken care of too.

I wish you the very best. Take care & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[chalicat]

I agree with Michelle, she doesn't have to like your boyfriend, he's not her father and never will be. You don't have to include your boyfriend (at least not right now) in your daughters life. Let her know that. Just tell her you'll be there for her and he doesn't have to be around. Go away on a trip with her, meet her in a neutral place. Maybe she just needs to feel like she's still no. 1 in your life, I know when your'e first in a relationship with someone and you're heads in the clouds everything else can take a back seat even though that's not your intention.