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  #1  
Old Jun 06, 2013, 08:59 AM
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winkynjr winkynjr is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: nc
Posts: 164
Well, after we year of being separated I am working on my divorce papers!! I have very mixed feelings as bout this but it has been a long time coming-!!! We were separated for 18 months before and I was stupid enough to try again but I had to for our12 year old son!!! I know that I am doing the right thing but why does it hurt so much?? This stinks!!!! well, if nothing else I have a beautiful 12 year old son that I wouldn't change for anything!!-!
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  #2  
Old Jun 07, 2013, 02:11 AM
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Travelinglady Travelinglady is offline
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Location: North Carolina
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I'm sure it's tough, especially after being with someone for so long. But at least you know trying again didn't work out--and as you say, you have a wonderful son as a result of the relationship.
  #3  
Old Jun 07, 2013, 02:29 AM
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shezbut shezbut is offline
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Location: Rochester, MN
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It is hard to let go of the marriage, especially when children are involved. I had a heck of a time with my ex-hub! We did remain on "good terms", which was important to both of us (to make it easier for our girls), but I certainly shed more than a few tears. You were together for many years. Some times weren't the greatest, no. But, there were also some good years in there too ~ and I think that it's healthy to remember those times. Rather than putting the whole marriage in the "negative" department. You have a beautiful son together, and he will always be a reminder of those happier times. My girls bring up a bittersweet emotion in me. Not every time we're together thankfully, just occasionally.

Gentle hugs to you ~ take care!
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  #4  
Old Jun 11, 2013, 05:17 AM
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Leed Leed is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
Bless your heart. Yes it does hurt. But you know, sometimes staying together is WORSE for the children than divorcing. The fights and arguments really take a terrible toll on kids, that lasts well into adulthood. By divorcing, at least each home is happier than it was by staying together.

When Dad has the son, he can spend more time with him than he did while you were together! Plus the boy doesn't have to worry about any fights while he's with him.

And the same when he's with you at home. As long as he feels secure, and you've explained things to him so he understands that he had NOTHING to do with your decision, he'll be just fine. There are some kids that have difficulty with their parents divorcing, so be mindful of that and if you see signs of that in your son, make SURE you get him counseling at the FIRST sign of anything!!! Don't wait until things get out of hand. My granddaughter came to me when I had her for a couple of years (she was 15) and her parents had split. She ASKED me for counseling -- she was seriously depressed, and she had been HIDING that she had started cutting herself!!!! So I immediately got her into counseling, and she's still seeing a counselor.

I wish you the very best. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee
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  #5  
Old Jun 11, 2013, 03:39 PM
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healingme4me healingme4me is offline
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Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
One of the toughest things, going through the divorce process, is sometimes reading things online or hearing things in person, about the child aspect. Just realize, that every circumstance is different.

I had such a rocky marriage, that I did try all I could possibly try, to do what I could to uphold my end of the bargain/vow. And I grappled with having to circumnavigate such thinking/judging words.

What I have learned, is that having a relationship with my kids where I am honest with being a human being, helps greatly. Not in the sense of they are friends to me, just being honest when the questions flow from their mouths.

Another thing happened, their dad seemed to come to start having quality time versus quantity time with them. And somehow, three years later, he and I get along better. Not in a sense of getting back, just where the kids are concerned, communication, trying to be on the same page, etc has gotten much better.

It isn't always easy. Not every relationship was meant to last.
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