Am I in denial?

So, I'm a nurse, I know the stages of grief. My husband moved out 2 weeks ago, finally. This has been a long time in coming. I'll do the "brief" history. We married 19 years ago, because I was pregnant with our oldest. I didn't always realize this, but he continued to be in love with his "first crush" and resented me for being pregnant and the decision he felt forced to make. He felt this way for years apparently, never loving me. I guess I was in denial all that time. He always said "I love you" in the normal way. I knew he had contact with her through emails once that became a more normal communication method. We lived in a different state. The communication was intermettent, but I was upset every time I found out, even if the emails were benign. Fast forward. What he says was 5 or so years ago, he decided that he loved me afterall, and wanted to make a future for us to spend our lives together.
About this time, I went back to school to begin my studies for nursing school. At some point in time, I stopped loving him. How long can you be in an emotionally abusive, unloved relationship before you turn off? Our relationship basically sucked the last few years. I was totally uninterested in sex with him. Even began to find the idea repulsive. Guilt and abusive comments are likely all that made me have sex with him. He had text conversations with other exgirlfriends during that time. One even text sexing him. He would put me and the relationship down in this messages. I guess I deserved it, I really didn't like him. He said I used him during this time to help me get through school and support our three kids. I always arranged my schedule to try and inconvience him the least.
About 2 years ago we decided to get divorced. I was starting my last quarter of school, worse timing ever. I talked him out of it, selfish of me. I graduated, got a job. This was the first time I'd work for 15ish years, since I'd been a stay at home mom and later student all that time.
Once I got a job, I tried very hard to make sure my work shifts interfered with his job and kids school as little as possible. Working on call and refusing shifts that he didn't want me to work. I decided I wanted a divorce, again, a year ago. I didn't love him, at times didn't like him, and felt like we would never have anything in common.
So, he was awful about the whole thing. I had used him all these years apparently. Now that I had a job and some means of supporting myself, I wanted out. Last part maybe true, first part obviously not. During that time he joined match.com. My kids were devistated. Cried all the time. I changed my mind, we said again we'd try to work it out.
Months went by, nothing got better. Things were always my fault since I was supposed to make them happen, be in charge. Little did I know, he continued to have intermittent contact with women through match.com. Last October he had a sleezy one night stand with one of them. I was devistated, he was too. I couldn't get him out for some reason. Initially he was so upset I worried he'd hurt himself. Then, probably out of jealousy, I decided I loved him and wanted counseling. (wow this is long, but 19 years of marriage is hard to condense). Skimming several months, I tried to find counselor, asking around, getting recommendations. He had started seeing a counselor after the affair.
I really did try, but it just wasn't there. I knew I still didn't love him and I KNEW I would never be able to trust him again. He told me I was going dead inside, numb with nothing holding interest. Probably true. He said I should see someone, so I did. She helped me work through things, giving input. Much to his surprise, 6 weeks in to counseling I told him I wanted a divorce, for real this time. No matter how mean, or alternatingly nice, he got, I stuck to my guns. I knew I would never be happy. I felt I deserved happiness. I felt my kids were in a poor enviornment with unhappy parents. This was mid April. I insisted this time we not tell them till he had a place to live and papers were filed, he agreed. Of course, he immediatly started talking to other women again, if he'd ever stopped, but that's all a long history anyway. Finally he had a place, papers filed mid or early May, can't recall. We changed our minds and decided to wait till our middle daughter was done with finals. We didn't want to affect college future out of selfishness. Finally, we told them and he moved out three days later.
Despite how long that story is, it obviously leaves out huge chunks. He's piled on guild galore since I made the decision. He's completely incapable of making his own life choice. I had to help him with finding a place, furniture, everything. He'd written less than a handful of checks during our marriage. He knew how to do nothing, and the whole thing was, afterall, my fault so I owed it to him to do everything.

Etc, Etc. Anyway, I do alternate grief over the death of our marriage. But 95% of the time its relief. The kids are upset, but overall not so much as could be. They are 18, 15 and 10. I feel like I disconnected a long time ago. And with the decision being made 2 and a half months ago, I kind of feel like we started being seperated then. Is it weird that I don't feel like I'm in shock? That I feel minimal upset. More a sense of freedom. I've made choices about taking care of the house and such, without the indecisiveness of him. Things are actually getting done. I'm happy, but feel guilty to be that way. I'm so confused. Should I feel like our divorce started 2 weeks ago? In some ways it started a year ago. In every way 2 and a half months ago (except paperwork, 6 weeks).
I've rambled on and on. I don't even know what I'm asking, lol. I guess, am I abnormal? Am I in denial for being happy and ready to have new experiences in life?
I don't know, thanks for any input!

Like you said you feel a sense of freedom. I understand that. I have been married twice.
Both marriages failed. One word of advice. Don't jump right into a new relationship.
I have been divorced for 4 years. When I'm ready I may decide to start dating, but IDK.
I don't think you are in denial. You made the right choice. You do deserve better, and I hope you find that special someone.

Sincerely,

Piraeus

After 26 years of an emotionally abusive marriage, when I filed I was SO happy!!! I felt a sense of FREEDOM that I'd never felt before. He'd never let me go anywhere, do anything, see anyone. Now I could do anything I wanted and I felt SO GOOD! A huge weight had been lifted, and I couldn't believe it!

You're not abnormal! Some people are ecstatic when they get divorced! You may be one of them. There's nothing wrong with that! Enjoy it while you can! God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

I would ay no. &don't go feeling guilty because you are happy.

I just separated from an emotionally/verbally abusive relationship with a narcissist. I am so happy and relieved to finally get away from him. So naturally, I believe your feelings of freedom and happiness are normal... it is finally time for us to find ourselves and have some fun.

Someone on another thread in the relationship forum, just mentioned being able to get a good nights sleep!

I've been divorced for three years now. I felt relief. A lot of relief.

I, too, grieved the marriage before the divorce, actually before the decision to divorce. I'd had enough.

It's a big change, for older kids, and I can appreciate feeling torn between motherhood and the need to have some emotional safety as a woman/human being. They'll in turn, see you for the woman you are, and someday will know, that they don't need to stay in a marriage/stuck in a marriage for the sake of marriage. You left, because you could no longer stay.

And that's perhaps where the conflict of what part of the grief process 'should' a person be in, post-divorce. I don't feel there is a set timeline for anyone. We all go through the grieving a little differently, and sometimes it happens faster than expected.

Are you still in counseling?

I agree with a poster above, just take your time, when you feel ready to date again. Know your needs, and know when to say when, sooner than later, next time

I am getting a formal divorce judgment in September. Separated since 2009 in actuality.

Dragged it because I wanted to be able to keep ex H on my health insurance back when I had it. Then I lost the job, but did not care about the formal status anyway, because I do not intend to remarry any time soon, and otherwise the status is of no consequence - or so it seemed to me. So he wanted a formal divorce (he also does not intend to remarry, but he wanted a formal divorce for his finances because he receives aid and needed my income to not count). So we are now on the court's calendar to have the dissolution in Sept.

I have a new partner, as of last fall. We are not considering marriage and are just enjoying each other's company. So he said something that struck me as wise:

"It is good that you are getting the formal dissolution, because formalities and paperwork have to match reality." Wow. I did not think of that.

So in your case, it is more than formalities - you "divorced" him in your mind a long time ago. The recent developments just made the facts around you match the state of the non-relationship that has been present in your mind for a long time.

I hope you get lost of good karma for helping him move out. Very kind of you.

I wish you all the best and envy you. I am still caught in a marriage with a narcissist that is dysfunctional. I can only dream of having the freedom and sense of relief that you and others are writing about. Enjoy every minute of it and don't for one minute feel guilty for that. You deserve it so go girl and live like you've never lived before!

I too, am stuck in a marriage that I want to be over after 32 years. You deserve to be happy and I wouldn't let him spoil ONE MINUTE of it!!! Enjoy the rest of your life and take your time with a new relationship. Big Hug!

thank goodness you are free, good for you!

So lets see.....you are now free from abusive words....feelings of inadequacy.....no longer will you happpen onto a sexually explicit text sent to a man you share a home with....not have to be concerned with an STD from his internet sleaze meets......you will be out from under a mind weight the size of his ego......you can possibly hook up with a doctor since you are a nurse...if you are lucky, he will be a plastic surgeon....you get to be a real adult this time around if you meet a guy who interests you....I would say that your guilt factor should be low...your two youngest kids had to have witnessed household anxiety....you have a college degree...a profession that would allow many job ops....right now...you should be doing the happy dance and let your soon to be ex continue to allow the internet to try to match him with someone who will put up with his sloppy behavior....and not mind being second choice to his illicit dawdlings....

Trust me...you are not squeezing life hard enough for happiness.....when you feel anxious about things...close your eyes and visualize your life as a lemon....its in your hands....squeeze it....hard...visualize how much sour liquid you will get out.....because you are going to mix that with enough water and sugar to make a delicious thirst quenching drink that will keep you satisfied and hydrated....you never have to be thirsty again.....just squeeze