[monocco]

I am new to this forum...I joined mainly because I feel I need support. I am trying sooo hard to understand what went wrong. I moved all of my stuff out on Monday and Tuesday, briefly reconciled for a few hours (yes hours), and broke it off again last night.
I am devestated, but the logical part of me says good riddance. He wasn't nice to my kids, he wasn't nice to me, he didn't want a family, he was MEAN.
How can someone who says they love you, look at you with tears streaming down your face, and say, "I don't care". "I don't care what you do" "Take you stuff, your kids, and your f'in cat, and get out"
The shear meaness of him just blows my mind, and I am trying to understand why.
I gave this man my everything, and I loved him. I would've done anything for him.

So, here i am. Broken at the moment. Not sure how life will be at all fun anymore. I smile for my kids....my daughter who is 10 is quite happy. SHe says to me "Mom he didn't treat you nice" Breaks my heart.
I made a lot of bad choices, and now I am paying for it.
He blamed me for everything....told me he spend the summer with my kids and I, so I shouldn't expect to see him in September. He thought my kids were disrespectful, spoiled, and lazy (they are 10 and 8).
He texted other girls behind my back, and lied about it.
And he told me I made him miserable.
I feel really terrible.
And very, very alone.

[Edda]

Originally Posted by monocco

How can someone who says they love you, look at you with tears streaming down your face, and say, "I don't care". "I don't care what you do" "Take you stuff, your kids, and your f'in cat, and get out"
The shear meaness of him just blows my mind, and I am trying to understand why.

I'm sorry to say - because he does not love you.

Yours is a very sad story and I wish you much strength and recovery, even if it seems completely impossible right now. My best suggestion: try to seek comfort, support from friends if you have any.

Be well.

[oldlife_disrupted]

Hi there, full sympathy for your situation, it's hard to be rejected like that especially if you're the one who tried to invest in a relationship with someone who didn't care.

I wouldn't spend too much time trying to understand. He's either depressed or an a-hole and that's as much explanation as you need for the moment.

I recently read a book called "On Your Own Again". Is specifically about the stages of grief after a breakup. The most insightful thing for me was that the author mentioned that there's a specific grief about the loss of the relationship which shouldn't be confused with the loss of the person.

Your kids seem to be giving you some pretty good cues that this is making them happy to be away from him. Grieve and go through your emotions like you need to and move on.

[monocco]

Thank you for the replies....just need someone to talk to.

[healingme4me]

Nothing worse, than giving of yourself to a person that can be mean, cruel and heartless.

I took time off, after my divorce, to sort through the pains. Figured out what led me to stay with a man, that could be mean.

We can love all we want, and give of ourselves, yet, if the person can't behave respectfully and lovingly, really, why do we do this?

Are you seeking counseling, through this grieving process?

[4D2Long]

Its pretty bad when kids point out how bad someone treats their parent...perhaps that will make her a smarter woman one day lets hope...

But heres the thing .. this loosely called " man" tells you to get your stuff out..including kids and cat....a man would only tell me once to get out....there would be no second chance...you make sure of that too....its pretty bad when you kick out a cat....

I would gladly take the cat, but be sure to leave the cats litter box with all the little treasures kitty stashed in it...... don't shed a tear for this guy, he sounds like one of those guys we hear about on Nancy Grace

[sunshine2929]

Time heals all wounds. Thank god that he did not hurt your children. Please, be strong bev s use your kids need all of you and he did you a favor.

[DazedandConfuzed]

Hey, i feel your pain. Honestly, I had an ex that treated me well, lied about everything and pretended to love me for 2 years. She cheated on me pretty much the whole time. I'm feeling like "what did i do to deserve this". I'm just as alone as you are right now, except im 22 and am just being a huge baby, but man, this hurts. It hurts, no matter what you do. What I have heard, is live your life, keep a positive mental attitude, keep your head up, walk tall, love yourself and everything will fall into place. It's been helping me alot. Stay strong