[Grey Matter]

I don't know if I am allowed to post here but I need some kind of support. My parents told my sister and I that they are separated as of tonight. I knew it was coming because after my brothers death, my parents relationship changed drastically and they just were clashing way more than ever.

My father has been really cold towards me. Mainly because of my chronic illness, so he distances himself. My mom has hated that, and she is growing tired of it. They aren't romantic at all anymore. My mom said "if anything, he's my best friend. Nothing more.".

My parents will still be living together. My dad is getting the guest room so he can continue his dialysis here. I just don't know how to feel? I almost laughed when she told us, knowing that this was coming, but knowing it was coming possibly made it worse.

My mind and body has had enough of changes. Everything is going so terribly wrong that I can't make any sense of it all and I need to worry about my little sister now even more. I am drained, though. I can't keep protecting everyone.

[AngstyLady]

Well, perhaps it'll be for the best- you said in a previous post how horrible your father treats you. . . .

[Grey Matter]

Yeah. I'm not really concerned about him.. more so my sister, who gets along really well with him. We already lost a family member, my biggest fear now is my family members getting pulled apart because of it.

[oldlife_disrupted]

You can't hold yourself responsible for other peoples actions. Keep your good relationship with your mother and sister, let her have her god relationship with your dad, just love your family and let your parents handle what they need to handle. That's pretty much all you have in your control.

Very well said oldlife! I totally agree!

[Vgp4243]

Hang in there, because even when you expect something like this, the reality of it is mind-numbing. My parents are both on their 3rd marriages now, and I can' say you ever get used to going through a divorce. Reaching out for advice is important and helps you realize you are not alone. No one can tell you anything to make it easier...it is a crappy hand to be dealt no matter how you look at it. Allow yourself to go through all those crazy feelings- it is natural and unavoidable to feel like you do. You will go throuh stages of grieving, much like a death. But you have a network of people, even strangers like me, who feel for you and can try to give you some perspective. The main thing is to keep in mind that it is ok to feel like you are coming a little unglued...be patient with yourself as well as your parents. You will feel sad, angry, disappointed, helpless at times...other times you may see with clarity that this is something that has to happen for people to become more mentally healthy. Staying in a bad (or just "cold") relationship eats away at your soul, so remember that sometimes separation and divorce is the only option. It's never easy...I feel for you and hope you find some solace in the fact that you can reach out for advice in times like this. Not isolating yourself and openly venting how you feel is the best thing you can do. Your mom and dad must love you to death, whether or not they are able to show it all the time. I still have emotional scars, it still haunts me on occasion, but man I sure learned a lot about who I was and what I believed through the process. Take it day by day...you will make it through. Support mom and dad individually as best you can, and take care of yourself.