How long is long enough?

Hello, it's ben a while since I've posted or responded to other threads. Last summer my wife told me she wanted a separation for some time to herself, refused marriage counselling. It was a very painful thing to go through, I've made the most I can to make positive changes for myself and do what I need to heal from this.

Now, 7 months since the day she moved out, things are no closer towards reconciliation. We get along, we're amicable and all but I see no sign that she's had any change of heart. I'm at a point in my life now where I've lost patience.

How long is long enough for a trial separation? It seems to me that by now, she'd have had the time she needs to know if she wants to be married to me. I don't mean that everything would be hunky dory and all, but at least she'd know what direction this is going.

Am I wrong? How long do these things usually last?

If you feel that you are no closer to a reconciliation, then it seems to stand to reason, that you've reached a point where a decision needs to be made. Sounds like you are ready, for the next step.

This may sound mean but it's just practical. Make sure you have all the financial information that you share, stash as much cash (not in a bank real cash) as you can, find a good lawyer and file for divorce. Get advice from your lawyer on how to position yourself best financially for the divorce and get on with your life. Now just because you are prepared for things to get ugly doesn't mean they have to, but you need to protect yourself.

A trial separation rarely leads to people getting back together, I think the message is clear, she wants to move on and you must too.

I would say that 7 months is quite some time, and for there to be no movement at all, towards reconciliation, in that time-frame, says much. If I may say so it sounds as if perhaps both of you are a bit frightened by the implications of the logical next step.

Do as Mike_J suggests: get all the practical items squared-away. It doesn't matter how "amicable" the split will be, there will still be a bit of a mess made of the financial and other such matters. It doesn't make sense to leave those issues to chance.

Since it's obvious that you, yourself, are ready to move past the separation phase and either reconcile or make it permanent, simply present that sentiment to your wife, unequivocally. Put a time-frame on it: please make a decision by such-and-such date... Easier said than done, I know, but then again there is no "easy" way to do some things.

Since you are on amicable terms, can you have a discussion with her on this topic? Tell her what you have said here, that you don't see any movement and you have lost patience. It sounds like you are ready to let go and move on to the next chapter, unless things with her are different from what they seem. But it can be good to check your sense of how things are by direct discussion. It could help clear the air and help make more overt the direction you will take.

Good luck.

What are you hoping that she will just come back of something? Without any communication.....there can be nothing resolved...& the longer without any communication on what's really going on in the relationship....the more you know NOTHING IS.

You are probably just better off filing for divorce & getting on with your life & she with hers.....but I can say....without that divorce...life doesn't go on....it gets bogged down.

My H was unable to communicate....I understand now because I'm sure that aspergers has been the cause of our failed marriage....& the more I look at his actions over those 33 years...but more I'm sure that's the reason.

Each marriage is unique....but one thing in common...when there isn't communication....there is NOTHING but a lot of wishful thinking.