[geog77]

I have been married for 7 years, and with my wife for 8.
She truly is a warm, beautiful and kind women. For the last 2 years, I just am not happy at home. I even quit a very good job that I had held for 15 years, to try and find happiness. One year later, I am in a worse state mentally.
We have two beautiful children. I can't find any fault with my wife. I am just not happy at home. I just feel pressure pushing against me from all sides.
Last February, I had to travel for work. I found myself at the hotel bar with some other people from the seminar I traveled to. We met a local woman, who was very friendly and she wanted to take the four of us out and show us the town.
I ended up in her hotel room, and had sex and began a long distance relationship. We have not seen each other since, but have made plans for a weekend together.
I feel guilty. But I also feel more free. I am trying not to put too much in the woman I had the affair with. I think I had all of these feelings that my unhappiness may be from my home. Crossing the line to an affair and relationship, for some reason feels liberating.
I don't know where to go from here. My heart says I may need to separate from my wife, to sort some things out and see if that helps my mood. I am afraid my brain knows that I have already checked out of this marriage.
I wish I was in a bad relationship with a horrible person. But I am not. My wife is full of love and is wonderful. Why can't I be happy with someone who loves me?

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by geog77

I have been married for 7 years, and with my wife for 8.
She truly is a warm, beautiful and kind women. For the last 2 years, I just am not happy at home. I even quit a very good job that I had held for 15 years, to try and find happiness. One year later, I am in a worse state mentally.
We have two beautiful children. I can't find any fault with my wife. I am just not happy at home. I just feel pressure pushing against me from all sides.
Last February, I had to travel for work. I found myself at the hotel bar with some other people from the seminar I traveled to. We met a local woman, who was very friendly and she wanted to take the four of us out and show us the town.
I ended up in her hotel room, and had sex and began a long distance relationship. We have not seen each other since, but have made plans for a weekend together.
I feel guilty. But I also feel more free. I am trying not to put too much in the woman I had the affair with. I think I had all of these feelings that my unhappiness may be from my home. Crossing the line to an affair and relationship, for some reason feels liberating.
I don't know where to go from here. My heart says I may need to separate from my wife, to sort some things out and see if that helps my mood. I am afraid my brain knows that I have already checked out of this marriage.
I wish I was in a bad relationship with a horrible person. But I am not. My wife is full of love and is wonderful. Why can't I be happy with someone who loves me?

That's a tough one. I won't bother with comparing your situation with the proverbial 'seven year itch'...and I won't talk down to you.

I do, however, believe with all my heart that if you really think your wife is such a wonderful, loving person than you OWE it to her to seperate while your involved with the other woman. That way, you can explore your options and give your wife the opportunity to do so as well.

This may mean telling her about the other woman....or you could suck it up and blame your needing a 'break' on a midlife crisis (or something along that line) which is lying, yes....I don't recommend it tho. In any case she's going to be hurt...devastated, if you're right about her.

But it's not fair to cheat, and if you are 'found out' she may never forgive you....if you're NOT found out and return to her after the fling is over, and THEN she finds out, she'll likely never forgive you and may either kick you out or leave, herself.

In any case, please treat her with the respeck she deserves as the mother of your children, if not the woman you fell in love with and married with the idea of spending your lives together as a team.

Don't cheat. You're doing neither of you any favors and a terrible disservice to her. In this way, you CAN help being the bad guy.