[musicalsweety]

I finally did it. I filed... Then I confronted him. He was more concerned about how I got the info and who knew than that I was filing because he was lying. He also was very concerned about what I had been personally working on since we've separated. He says there are more people who do worse things than him who work it out (which is definitely true) but I told him he certainly shouldn't be comparing himself to others at this point. He told me I was making a huge mistake. He declared he wanted half if the equity in the car and house and that was about the end. I decided not to mention that if I turn him for his use he would absolutely loose his job. Figure that will be useful further down. Then he texted my mom that night and told her " your daughter is making a huge mistake, I ask that you pray for her, if she had spent as much time supporting my healing as making a case against me we could make it. God knows my heart and how far I've come. I wish she could see as well". Are you kidding me!!!! I've been "supporting his healing for three years and he's been lying the whole time. I'm so done!


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[~rider]

Was getting ready to respond to your other thread then saw this. Good for you. Nothing permanent anyway, there's nothing to say what the future holds for anyone. And being on hold for 2 years wouldn't work for me.

I was in a horrible rship last year w a woman who was wonderful at first before we started trying to have a serious rship, then when we did, I discovered she'd started drinking. Then it got bad. Immediately. Lies. Selfish acts, all these things she did that we're totally out of her character. I was devastated. Her friends knew her longer than I were devistated. she'd been sober 18 years. I'd made trips to Detroit and so many times I drove back in tears seeing her like that. So were her closest friends. Alcoholics only love the bottle.

Being in a rship with an alcoholic is not good. At all. If you and he are meant to be with each other, then it'll happen if not, then it's for the best. I know that's a little cliche, but sometimes you just have to believe it in order to take the next step.

[musicalsweety]

Thanks! So sorry for your situation. Alcoholism is a beast. And sex addiction is a completely different kind of beast. It's been a very sad and hard journey but this is better for me and my children. We deserve better

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[Perna]

Good for you filing first. You have the "upper" hand and it sounds like he is scared. Communicate with your lawyer a lot and not with your husband, let him communicate with your husband's lawyer. You have made your decision and don't need any more input from Mr. Liar? Let someone else (his lawyer) listen to his sob stories/lies/what he "wants". Not your job anymore.

[musicalsweety]

We were going to attempt to do it lawyer less since I couldn't necessarily afford one but that may not be possible

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[avlady]

I agree with Perna

[Perna]

Very hard without a lawyer I believe. If he can afford it, that will pay for both. Good site for information: http://courts.mi.gov/self-help/cente...s/divorce.aspx

[musicalsweety]

Thanks! I don't know if he can I feel like he should be putting that money into his own place to live especially if he wants any kind of custody agreement at this point.

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[healingme4me]

You don't have to agree to anything. Probate will sit you with a mediator.

[eskielover]

Good for you to take that step & push it through. I am doing an out of state divorce....I left him 7 years ago but had financial issues that needed to be taken care of first. I have my lawyer....& stbxh can't afford a lawyer....& out of state is all done by letter & his signature on the papers....which he might not sign & doesn't have a lawyer of his own so my lawyer doesn't have anyone to deal with to try & deal with him....& he's totally irrational on some things that he makes his mind up to.

Don't allow your H to make you feel guilty for anything....stand your ground. I know here in KY....my divorce lawyer is only $750....definitely not the $3000 that it costs for a divorce lawyer in Calif when I tried to start it there.

Stay strong......& know that you have support here that you are doing the wise thing..

If he chooses to change in the future & PROVE in via actions not just words.....then you will know if those changes happen....otherwise....you have taken the right action for NOW....& NOW is all that matters.