husband has left again..

Hi I'm new here and needed someone to talk to. .I've been married 12 years and been with my husband 14 years we have 3 sons together.I am here because I'm hurting my husband keeps walking in and out our lives and moving in with his father over anything. Recently he came back home and everything was fine we didn't argue or anything but the last 3 days he started sleeping on the sofa and this morning he got up for work and I left to take the kids to school and when I got back all of his things were gone .He moved out while o was taking the kids to school this morning and now he won't answe the phone. I'm so hurt and feel betrayed he keeps leaving and moving in with his dad and me and the kids are left here hurting..WE didn't argue or anything I feel it's another woman. I feel so dumb for believing he wouldn't do this again..I feel so stupid because he left again and couldn't even tell me he left behind my back..I don't know how to cope and he still won't answer the phone.

I know this is hard for you. He's not playing fair by just disappearing on you like that. You may have to look at not accepting him back. He obviously has no respect for you and your marriage. You need to be able to sit down and have him tell you what's going on with him. Then decided if you can continue to deal with him doing this to you.

I know it's hard to let go, my first marriage broke up after 24 years. But also you can't stay in limbo. The stress will take its toll.

Could he be bi-polar, I have a similar situation with my wife, she moves out for a couple of months every year or two, and she is bi-polar. She just feels the need to run away when she gets manic.

Change the locks. Him leaving like that gives you a huge advantage in a divorce so file quickly (if that is what you want to do). Having him abandon the family gives him no argument about placement for your kids, or who should get the house. You should speak to a lawyer, many offer a free consultation. Information is power so stock up, find out how the divorce laws work in your state.

This is very hard, because it sounds like you still really love your husband. A helpful strategy is to put the emotions in a box and think of the situation as strictly business. This will help you analyze the situation and get through the divorce for your own sake and that of your children - it is important that you stick up for them and not let them feel that is is OK for their father to keep walking in and out of their lives. They feel like it's their fault no matter what. Protect them and protect yourself. You can take the emotions out later in therapy but don't let him get to you. Best of luck