[wdingman]

I have thought for a very long time that my wife had some kind of mental illness, but she would never see a doctor about it. Last December she became psychotic (I didn't even know what the word meant before then) and endangered our kids. I had to call 911. She was taken to the hospital and admitted to a locked psychiatric ward for seven days. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features and with PTSD. After her release from the hospital, she refused to comply with her treatment plan. She never took her meds, saw her psychiatrist, or saw her therapist. The entire month of January she was angry and belligerent. She insisted on divorcing me (something she has said that she has wanted for years). I finally gave up and filed for divorce. We are still living together (because I will not leave the kids alone with her). She is still being very abusive to me.

The following picture is something I've made to help me clarify why I cannot be married to her anymore:

[Skeezyks]

Hello wdingman: The Skeezyks sends you his best wishes as you struggle through this most difficult period in your life...

[Shaly78]

Aww poor thing do what you can do to keep the kids safe. If you have to encourage her to apply for SSDI right away if she can't hold a job so that your children have some protection tell her to place them on the application. That will make you further mad if she can't hold a job now that you making her condition worst questioning her parenting abilities unless she is totally flown the coo coo's nest .....Remember you can't get blood from a turnip! Maybe you have some rights on her behalf to go over her head and file SSDI, I'm not sure......It really is cheaper to keep it together...You sound just a little insensitive in this post maybe you just in disbelief and these thing happen, so best to make it work it is unfortunate this is on the heels of divorce, a lot heal from indeed

[wdingman]

Sorry, the picture didn't come through. This is what it says:

She says to me: “I don’t want to be married to you. I will never have sex with you again. I will never force myself to sleep with you again. I will never subject myself to you again. You are worse than a child molester. You are worse than a rapist. You are worse than the man who raped me in college. The only difference between you and my rapist is that you tell me that you love me when you’re done. You rape me. You raped me during the first week of our marriage. You hurt me every day.” She says: “I never hurt you. What I said are just words.” She says: “Don’t leave me.”

[eskielover]

“I never hurt you. What I said are just words.”

WRONG....words can be just as abusive as anything physical.

Honestly, I got so totally fed up at the hurt my husband was causing emotionally that I struck back with words & I didn't care how they hurt him at the time.....I was just "getting even". I wish it hadn't been that way, but I never could communicate with him & I had just totally had enough by that time. Everything with him was a fight from the beginning.

What your wise said to you in that last paragraph is abusive.....even if it's caused by her mental illness. It sounds like she knows her mental illness is bad but doesn't want to admit it but also is afraid to be left alone with no one but herself to care for her.

Ugh, I lived for the last 13 years of my bad marriage under the same roof even though we were separated & living in separate parts of the house. It was the most miserable time of my life. I was trapped financially at that time & ended up attempting suicide because it felt like the only way I could escape.

I think you would be better off now that you are divorced, out of the house & having the court define her visitations as being supervised only at this point in time. If she chooses to get her act together & comply with the meds & treatment.....then it can change in the future when she becomes stable.

[wdingman]

I used to get angry, too, and yell at my wife. I got help, and the help helped. I do not yell at her any more (I never did yell at her a lot, anyway, but sometimes I just couldn't handle the denigration and exploded verbally). Most of the time, esp. when she is manic, I come away from interactions with her feeling dazed and confused. She used to keep me up for hours talking/complaining about something or other, but the topic of the conversation jumped from one thing to another, from one time to another. I also never understood how one person could be the best person in the world one day, and the worse person in the world the other day. Sometimes that person was me. I would be "great" one week and "terrible" the next week.

I'm sorry that your family is facing such hard times. If you look at my signature you'll see that I share some of the same illnesses as your wife. I've been psychotic but never a threat to anyone except myself. I've been in treatment under the care of a psychiatrist since my diagnosis and following his treatment plan is critical for my stability. Treatment saved my life. I'm a parent, too.

Reading your wife's message to you, it appears she is still very ill. She may not recall that communication to you upon stabilization. She sounds scared and psychotic. Losing contact with reality is a terrifying experience...I hope you and your children are faring as well as you can right now. Her illnesses are not her fault but, as you know, it is her responsibility to manage her illnesses.

I hope your wife gets stabilized soon for everyone's sake. Antipsychotics work quickly and mood stabilizers usually do, too. She is sick and her actions are a result of her illness, psychiatric crisis treatment is what needs to happen to bring her back. She may need to be rehospitalized since she didn't continue treatment. This must be very painful for you. It sounds like your marriage has been strained for a long time.

If you divorce, hopefully she will stay in treatment and co-parent when she recovers. You mentioned explosive rages at her when she was manic. It may help you to see a therapist to counsel you through this and address your anger. It takes two in a relationship and you may have some of your own issues that a therapist can help you with. All of that will benefit the kids.



Thinking of you.

[Blizz88]

I am deeply sorry that you are going through all of this, and I commend you for doing what you have to in order to keep your kids safe. Words can be extremely hurtful, and they stick with you forever. Emotional and psychological abuse are very serious and happen far too often. Perhaps consult with her about going back on her treatment plan or seek out services that can assist you with this. Stay strong!

[TishaBuv]

Was she really raped? Is so so traumatized by that, that it manifested into being traumatized by having sex with you?

I have a similar situation in that respect.

I'm surprised she was diagnosed as bipolar and not Borderline. Read about BPD.