[FiestaBay1]

Hey everyone. Thanks for this forum. I've been appreciating reading your stories since my husband told me he's done with our marriage on Wed night. It is now Sat and I'm still reeling from the shock and am totally devastated.

I'm 62, he's 69, been married 15 years. When we married, I thought I'd finally found the man I was going to grow old (older) with. The story is long and I don't feel up to recounting all of it right now. I'll just explain that we have two houses in two different states. He decided he didn't like the state where I reside with my aged horse (can't move him all around any more) and has spent most of his time the last two years at the other house.

He would visit and things seemed fine. We talked every day on the phone or Skype for at least an hour. Last Wed, he was at the airport there to catch a flight here when Southwest Airlines had the cancellation of many flights due to nation-wide computer problems. He called and told me he would call me when he got back to the house and let me know the new flight time for the next morning. An hour later, he arrived back home, called me and bluntly said he wasn't coming the next day or ever. That he couldn't take any more and that "If you love me, you'll let me go."

I was stunned and could only stammer out that I didn't understand. He said he couldn't keep going back and forth. I said I would find a babysitter for the old horse and be the one to go back and forth until the horse went to greener pastures (which I hope is a long time from now, because I love him to death and has always been my anchor and family before I met my husband).

My husband said no. I then said I would somehow get the horse moved there and come live with him full time again like the first 13 years of our marriage. He again said no. He had his life there, my life is here and he didn't want to talk about it any more. He then hung up. Oh, he did say he hadn't found anyone else and had not been unfaithful to me.

I sent an email saying I loved him and always will and could not imagine the hole in my life without him. He answered back the next morning very coldly to say this was not a spur of the moment decision and there would be no discussion. He didn't plan to divorce or change anything financially and that when he dies, I would be his only family member legally.

I have barely slept or eaten since and am totally devastated. I'll post more of the blow by blow of the relationship later to get your ideas on what has gone wrong. I just wanted to introduce myself and thank you for the forum.

Thanks for listening.

[Skeezyks]

Hello FiestaBay1: I'm sorry you have sustained such a blow! I'm of similar age to you & your husband. So I can imagine how this must feel. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[FiestaBay1]

Skeezyks - Thanks so much for the warm welcome. I'm feeling so totally lost and hopeless at this moment, as if life will never be okay again. I'm sure I'll be here often looking for the wisdom of others going through this or who have gone through this and survived. Thanks again. Fiesta

[healingme4me]

((((FiestaBay)))) my heart weeps just reading your story. I can't imagine no clues, no lead up, and to have him not do this face to face after all these years together.
Sometimes this section of the forum grows quiet. Hopefully others see your post and can add support and further insight or wisdom.

[hannabee]

My heart goes out to you, but it seems like he has made up his mind since he said no discussion, just let him go. I'm not sure I believe it that he hasn't found someone else. I'm pretty cynical, though and don't trust men too much. Hasn't been one that I haven't caught lying.

If he hasn't found someone else, then a good dose of his own medicine might work. Tell him "don't let the door hit you in the arse on your way out. Seek a lawyer about spousal support and don't let him see you falling apart!

You will survive and, if you want to, you will find someone else. This is not the total end of the world, although it probably seems like it.

Big hug. Post often, as I think it might help you. oh, and welcome to PC.

[Nix]

I'm very sorry that you're going through such a painful and difficult time and I hope that posting here will help, even if just a little.

[FiestaBay1]

healingme4me, hannabeem and phoenix31 -

Thank you all so much for your kind words and thoughts. I'm grateful I found this site with so many people who understand the devastation I'm feeling.

I'm also thankful my old horse is still hanging in there. I went to the barn today and spent time with him and helped with the other animals. (The lady who runs the barn does rescues, so there are goats, donkeys, pigs, alpacas, etc. needing care). Being with the animals is very therapeutic.

Thank you all so much again. I'll check back in soon.

[Grandessa]

Originally Posted by FiestaBay1

Hey everyone. Thanks for this forum. I've been appreciating reading your stories since my husband told me he's done with our marriage on Wed night. It is now Sat and I'm still reeling from the shock and am totally devastated.

I'm 62, he's 69, been married 15 years. When we married, I thought I'd finally found the man I was going to grow old (older) with. The story is long and I don't feel up to recounting all of it right now. I'll just explain that we have two houses in two different states. He decided he didn't like the state where I reside with my aged horse (can't move him all around any more) and has spent most of his time the last two years at the other house.

He would visit and things seemed fine. We talked every day on the phone or Skype for at least an hour. Last Wed, he was at the airport there to catch a flight here when Southwest Airlines had the cancellation of many flights due to nation-wide computer problems. He called and told me he would call me when he got back to the house and let me know the new flight time for the next morning. An hour later, he arrived back home, called me and bluntly said he wasn't coming the next day or ever. That he couldn't take any more and that "If you love me, you'll let me go."

I was stunned and could only stammer out that I didn't understand. He said he couldn't keep going back and forth. I said I would find a babysitter for the old horse and be the one to go back and forth until the horse went to greener pastures (which I hope is a long time from now, because I love him to death and has always been my anchor and family before I met my husband).

My husband said no. I then said I would somehow get the horse moved there and come live with him full time again like the first 13 years of our marriage. He again said no. He had his life there, my life is here and he didn't want to talk about it any more. He then hung up. Oh, he did say he hadn't found anyone else and had not been unfaithful to me.

I sent an email saying I loved him and always will and could not imagine the hole in my life without him. He answered back the next morning very coldly to say this was not a spur of the moment decision and there would be no discussion. He didn't plan to divorce or change anything financially and that when he dies, I would be his only family member legally.

I have barely slept or eaten since and am totally devastated. I'll post more of the blow by blow of the relationship later to get your ideas on what has gone wrong. I just wanted to introduce myself and thank you for the forum.

Thanks for listening.

I can so identify with your story. We have 2 houses in 2 different states, and I also have an aging horse!!! But sadly, my husband of 41 years told me 4 months ago he wanted a divorce. He was very cold and adamant, and I too said I loved him and asked him if we couldn't work this out together. He said "No!" He also said there was no one else, but I do not believe it. There is something going on here. His mother died recently, and I wonder too if that is a factor. My brothers and sisters, with whom my husband was very close, are all perplexed. The sister with whom I am the closest just said "He is no longer the man you married." I feel devastated. I don't know how it is humanly possible to cut off all communication with a man I have lived with for 41 years. He also told me "If you love me, you will let me go." I'm just putting one foot in front of the other. I am a vivacious, lively person, but my spirit feels broken.