I need support leaving an abusive relationship

That's the thing that sounds familiar to me, believing that having the understanding of history and understanding because of your own father's history that gave the feeling that by 'getting' that you'd be that partner for him.

I wasn't a teen, I was in my mid 20's. I already had, or so I thought I had, what I thought was needed to be that wife, that ideal partner. I could be appreciated on one hand, yes, he was/is gentlemanly in the sense of holding doors, buying flowers, wanting things to be romanticized. But there was/is that darkness of a void where he'd lash out. He grew bitter and resentful and I was his punching bag, more emotionally than physically, but damage was already done before those physical moments.

It was push/pull. And I'd had enough.

I can relate to the conflicting messages you get from your dad and your friend. That's about them, not you. My dad, stepmother, half sister and stepsiblings all sided with my exh when filed for divorce. That's a sense of betrayal in and of itself. And it's not that I wanted sides chosen, I wanted and needed to be seen as someone in an immense amount of pain from a situation that was tearing me apart.

Relationships that are abusive truly awaken survivors and sometimes when those blinders come off realities aren't pleasant.